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ibegyourpudding — To Certain Girls
Published: 2008-11-09 03:03:07 +0000 UTC; Views: 156; Favourites: 3; Downloads: 2
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Description
To certain girlsWe are how we have always been
Delicately splintered in invisible ways
Someday they will make statues of us
They will call us the broken girls and
Tourists will come for miles to look and
See if they can find the cracks in our
Well applied guise
Lacquered to a perfectly witty shine
They will call us the broken girls
And our mothers will cry and wonder
When had we been dropped?
When hadn’t they been looking?
But we were made this way, the broken girls
The cosmic accidents, the sad reality
Our lives will boil down to a
Handful of chapped lipped kisses
A muddle of words and steely glances
And unfortunate run-ins with love
We will always be the girls lying on
Their beds, heads falling limply over the edge,
Tears seduced by gravity
running onto our foreheads. The most
peculiar sensation…tears going
where tears should never go
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Comments: 8
Amen to this. You really struck a chord with me. It's a wonderful portrayal of how certain girls feel sometimes (or always) and I'm glad you could put it into words so eloquently. I really like what you did with the enjambment, too: it really makes the poem visually interesting and gives it a "broken" feel. I won't favor the end over the beginning, though; the poem works well as a whole.
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Thank you (I really was hoping someone would say the poem has an overall sense of coherence). It was new for me to break up a poem in that way, but I think that it worked for this piece. Oh, and thanks so much for the favorite! (by the way, all of your comments are very helpful, I appreciate them very much!)
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No problem! Enjambment is one of my favorite poetic devices to play with, and you certainly put it to good use in this poem. It really increased the overall emotion.
I'm glad I'm helpful! I usually don't get a lot of time to critique, especially on dA,but when I can, I try to at least be useful
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that seems to be the general consensus between people about this poem. thanks!!
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