HOME | DD

Description
"I love you much it God damn hurts sometimes…" Arthur wheezed as he gripped Francis' hand weakly.

The Frenchman next to him nodded frantically as he bit his lip against the wretched sobbing he knew would overtake him if he opened his mouth. Tears ran rivers down his face as he looked down at the one he loved, the one who had given him his all, put up with every little problem Francis had, who had sat there and held him when it all became too much, who had smiled and laughed and frowned and cried… the one who had made sacrifice after sacrifice and never expected anything in return.

"I-I kn-know… I know th-that mon ch-cher…" Francis managed to choke out.

A weak smile of triumph shone on Arthur's face, somehow he could still smile though their time drew to a close. "Good… just wanted to make sure you knew."

Francis bobbed his head again and looked to the door; the doctor had gone out to speak with Alfred who had rushed here on Francis' call. Somewhere out there Elizabeth and little Charles waited with Matthew and Ivan until Francis came to tell them he had left.

"Ar-Arthur?"

"Yes luv?"

"You kn-know I've always l-loved you." Francis said, his voice quaking as Arthur's small smile grew.

"Always knew that."

Another nod and Francis felt as if he needed to say more… as if he needed to say more to the man who had made such an impact on his life. Thanks maybe? Arthur would be too proud to accept it, even now. Apologies? Also a no, Arthur had always said Francis should never apologize for himself. Then what?

Words of love? Yes.

"No I mean I h-have always loved you. Always been there watching how you grew and developed. You were so cute as a little kid, always disobeying everything I said but still getting away with it because you were that cute I couldn't resist."

Arthur rolled his eyes and snorted, wincing at the pain it caused him. The tears down Francis' face continued but he continued with his steady babble of memories.

"I remember all our wild days, the punk and the cop years. You were so damn attractive you know, I had to restrain myself from jumping you whenever I talked to you. Then there was all those years we were apart… still I thought of you…"

Francis would hear the beeps start to slow on the heart monitor… the grip on his hand was growing weaker and yet he clung to it for dear life.

"And then there was the recent times… all the fun we've had. It's been hard too, nothing good ever comes without a fight but you were worth it. Every scar I bear from those days is a testimony to you Arthur, how you pulled me back from the brink… but we had good times. Like the parks with Lizzie, the afternoons spent drinking wine while we watched the sun set, the nights huddling up on the sofa with an old movie going, the candle-lit dinners… all of it. Do you remember that Arthur?"

He looked down. Arthur had his eyes closed and his face was ghosted by that soft smile. The barest of nods and a slight squeeze on his hand made Francis barrel on.

"Do you remember how much little Lizzie used to love talking to you… about anything? The dollies that I could never properly play with her, you were happy to sit and play for hours. Do you remember the bed time stories and the nursery rhymes? You do, you must mon cher."

No nod from Arthur. He was still but that smile still told Francis he was listening. The tears ran faster now and he couldn't keep back the small hiccups and sobs.

"Then there was all those nights we spent alone… just you and me." Francis smiled through his tears but it was ruined by his sadness. "I can only say magical mon cher."

Arthur's hand was limp but his heart monitor still blipped so on Francis spoke.

"You're such a good father, to both Lizzie and Charles. I don't understand how you could get Lizzie to tell you so much but maybe she's a bit like me, oui? Unable to say no to you. You know if I had said no tonight then this could have been avoided too. If I had been strong enough then you wouldn't be here and we would be at home with the kids."

Francis took time to take in every aspect of the man who had given him eight years of happiness. From the first moment he had been told of Elizabeth he had been Francis'… and now he was losing him all because he couldn't say no to him. Arthur had wanted to go out to the theatre and Francis had tried to coax him into staying home but of course Arthur had dug his heels in and demanded they go.

"In short Arthur… I've always loved you…" Francis whispered brokenly as the last resounding beep rang out over the small, sterile room.

As the doctors came in and pulled Francis to his feet he took one last look at the man he loved, so small and pale against the sickly green and white of the hospital sheets.

"I always have and always will…" He whispered, a memory from so long ago of Arthur saying the same thing once upon a time came to mind.

He was dragged past Alfred, who stared at him with tear filled eyes, and to the waiting room where Matthew came to hug him and he children gathered around. He felt a tug on his pants and he looked down. A little girl's pair of green eyes, so much like her father's, stared back at him.

"Where's father?" Lizzie asked, her eyes distraught and brimming with tears. "Will he be okay?"

He stooped down to her height and hugged her tight. "Father… will be fine. He went to say hello to God."

If only he could have said no… then Arthur wouldn't have thrown himself in front of Francis when their mugger took aim with a gun.

Description
"I love you much it God damn hurts sometimes…" Arthur wheezed as he gripped Francis' hand weakly.

The Frenchman next to him nodded frantically as he bit his lip against the wretched sobbing he knew would overtake him if he opened his mouth. Tears ran rivers down his face as he looked down at the one he loved, the one who had given him his all, put up with every little problem Francis had, who had sat there and held him when it all became too much, who had smiled and laughed and frowned and cried… the one who had made sacrifice after sacrifice and never expected anything in return.

"I-I kn-know… I know th-that mon ch-cher…" Francis managed to choke out.

A weak smile of triumph shone on Arthur's face, somehow he could still smile though their time drew to a close. "Good… just wanted to make sure you knew."

Francis bobbed his head again and looked to the door; the doctor had gone out to speak with Alfred who had rushed here on Francis' call. Somewhere out there Elizabeth and little Charles waited with Matthew and Ivan until Francis came to tell them he had left.

"Ar-Arthur?"

"Yes luv?"

"You kn-know I've always l-loved you." Francis said, his voice quaking as Arthur's small smile grew.

"Always knew that."

Another nod and Francis felt as if he needed to say more… as if he needed to say more to the man who had made such an impact on his life. Thanks maybe? Arthur would be too proud to accept it, even now. Apologies? Also a no, Arthur had always said Francis should never apologize for himself. Then what?

Words of love? Yes.

"No I mean I h-have always loved you. Always been there watching how you grew and developed. You were so cute as a little kid, always disobeying everything I said but still getting away with it because you were that cute I couldn't resist."

Arthur rolled his eyes and snorted, wincing at the pain it caused him. The tears down Francis' face continued but he continued with his steady babble of memories.

"I remember all our wild days, the punk and the cop years. You were so damn attractive you know, I had to restrain myself from jumping you whenever I talked to you. Then there was all those years we were apart… still I thought of you…"

Francis would hear the beeps start to slow on the heart monitor… the grip on his hand was growing weaker and yet he clung to it for dear life.

"And then there was the recent times… all the fun we've had. It's been hard too, nothing good ever comes without a fight but you were worth it. Every scar I bear from those days is a testimony to you Arthur, how you pulled me back from the brink… but we had good times. Like the parks with Lizzie, the afternoons spent drinking wine while we watched the sun set, the nights huddling up on the sofa with an old movie going, the candle-lit dinners… all of it. Do you remember that Arthur?"

He looked down. Arthur had his eyes closed and his face was ghosted by that soft smile. The barest of nods and a slight squeeze on his hand made Francis barrel on.

"Do you remember how much little Lizzie used to love talking to you… about anything? The dollies that I could never properly play with her, you were happy to sit and play for hours. Do you remember the bed time stories and the nursery rhymes? You do, you must mon cher."

No nod from Arthur. He was still but that smile still told Francis he was listening. The tears ran faster now and he couldn't keep back the small hiccups and sobs.

"Then there was all those nights we spent alone… just you and me." Francis smiled through his tears but it was ruined by his sadness. "I can only say magical mon cher."

Arthur's hand was limp but his heart monitor still blipped so on Francis spoke.

"You're such a good father, to both Lizzie and Charles. I don't understand how you could get Lizzie to tell you so much but maybe she's a bit like me, oui? Unable to say no to you. You know if I had said no tonight then this could have been avoided too. If I had been strong enough then you wouldn't be here and we would be at home with the kids."

Francis took time to take in every aspect of the man who had given him eight years of happiness. From the first moment he had been told of Elizabeth he had been Francis'… and now he was losing him all because he couldn't say no to him. Arthur had wanted to go out to the theatre and Francis had tried to coax him into staying home but of course Arthur had dug his heels in and demanded they go.

"In short Arthur… I've always loved you…" Francis whispered brokenly as the last resounding beep rang out over the small, sterile room.

As the doctors came in and pulled Francis to his feet he took one last look at the man he loved, so small and pale against the sickly green and white of the hospital sheets.

"I always have and always will…" He whispered, a memory from so long ago of Arthur saying the same thing once upon a time came to mind.

He was dragged past Alfred, who stared at him with tear filled eyes, and to the waiting room where Matthew came to hug him and he children gathered around. He felt a tug on his pants and he looked down. A little girl's pair of green eyes, so much like her father's, stared back at him.

"Where's father?" Lizzie asked, her eyes distraught and brimming with tears. "Will he be okay?"

He stooped down to her height and hugged her tight. "Father… will be fine. He went to say hello to God."

If only he could have said no… then Arthur wouldn't have thrown himself in front of Francis when their mugger took aim with a gun.