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Description
A letter from Sephy Hadley to Callum McGregor, written a couple of weeks after the hanging.
Note: Sephy and Callum are characters from the book ‘Noughts and Crosses’ by Malorie Blackman. If you haven’t read the book, this probably won’t make much sense. Sorry.

Dear Callum,
I am a shell, empty apart from this thing growing in my womb. I try to imagine the potential joy it could bring, but all I can see is the blood and pain, and everything Mother warned me about. But I’m not scared of the feeling the pain. I’m scared of the numbness enveloping me in its poisonous grey warmth, allowing me to feel nothing but it.
I lie awake at night wondering what would happen if we had chosen the other option. I imagine the operation, the blood spilling over my stomach and thighs as they bring out pale corpse of my deceased foetus, full to the brim with poison and hatred it was conceived with. But I know you would never have allowed it; never would have let another die for your sake.
Why did you do it, Callum? Why wouldn’t you kill our child, given our options? Because you murdered before, didn’t you? You and your group of ‘freedom fighters’, the group behind the bombs, the murders, all the protests, that, let’s face it, were never gonna get you anywhere. You killed in cold blood, because black skin means a legitimate target in your quest for the impossible.
It wasn’t the Crosses that murdered your father. They set him up and watched him fall, but no one forced him to that position. He had a choice, and he messed up. Does it hurt to read that Callum? Because it hurts to write too. Like Lynette, your father lost hope. As have I.
Blood runs down my thighs as our child kicks, something for which I cannot blame it. That blood that should not be there. The dark red symbolises everything we were and were not, the hatred and anger caused by your unjust end.
Tell me the truth, Callum. Did you really think that you would end up any other way, after joining? Did you think you’d make a difference, end the prejudice, and unite the Noughts and the Crosses? Because until my bastard father and his associates get out of power, it can only be a dream, my love.
It’s so cold in here, Callum. Cold like the cabin on that beautiful night. We had it all that night. We had it all, and nobody could stop us.
But they did.
Do you remember it, Callum? Do you remember our bodies joining, the forbidden fiery love of Nought & Crosses. I feel can feel it burning, but cold I still remain.
Or do you regret what we did, regret our love, regret that I am having our child? Because if we hadn’t, we would be able to have the life we always wanted.
I can feel no love for this thing growing inside me, only pity. Pity for someone who can take no side in the war of Noughts versus Crosses. Pity for the child with a ruined human being for a mother and a hanged Nought terrorist for a father. The child different to everyone through no fault of her own. But one day I’ll have to tell her exactly how it happened, and that’s when I will need you the most, my dear.
Do you want my life, Callum? Do you want my body, a puppet filled with blood and venom? Because if I could switch places with you, I would in a heartbeat. But I know you could not do that. I could agree with your death, but you couldn’t mine. What does that say about us?
Or are you simply afraid? Afraid of living in a world where what you can never be enough? This was your way out of the life you never wanted.
So, how did you die, Callum? Capital punishment, murder, or the most subtle form of manipulative suicide?
The blood has stained my sheets and clothes, a brand of the hatred surrounding our child and everything to do with it. There is too much now. Maybe our child is dying. But we cannot have that. If my child die, I will crawl into its grave and lay there until I go the same way. if I could do that, I would. Why does no one understand that?
You died for our child, Callum. But would you die for me?
Sephy

Description
A letter from Sephy Hadley to Callum McGregor, written a couple of weeks after the hanging.
Note: Sephy and Callum are characters from the book ‘Noughts and Crosses’ by Malorie Blackman. If you haven’t read the book, this probably won’t make much sense. Sorry.

Dear Callum,
I am a shell, empty apart from this thing growing in my womb. I try to imagine the potential joy it could bring, but all I can see is the blood and pain, and everything Mother warned me about. But I’m not scared of the feeling the pain. I’m scared of the numbness enveloping me in its poisonous grey warmth, allowing me to feel nothing but it.
I lie awake at night wondering what would happen if we had chosen the other option. I imagine the operation, the blood spilling over my stomach and thighs as they bring out pale corpse of my deceased foetus, full to the brim with poison and hatred it was conceived with. But I know you would never have allowed it; never would have let another die for your sake.
Why did you do it, Callum? Why wouldn’t you kill our child, given our options? Because you murdered before, didn’t you? You and your group of ‘freedom fighters’, the group behind the bombs, the murders, all the protests, that, let’s face it, were never gonna get you anywhere. You killed in cold blood, because black skin means a legitimate target in your quest for the impossible.
It wasn’t the Crosses that murdered your father. They set him up and watched him fall, but no one forced him to that position. He had a choice, and he messed up. Does it hurt to read that Callum? Because it hurts to write too. Like Lynette, your father lost hope. As have I.
Blood runs down my thighs as our child kicks, something for which I cannot blame it. That blood that should not be there. The dark red symbolises everything we were and were not, the hatred and anger caused by your unjust end.
Tell me the truth, Callum. Did you really think that you would end up any other way, after joining? Did you think you’d make a difference, end the prejudice, and unite the Noughts and the Crosses? Because until my bastard father and his associates get out of power, it can only be a dream, my love.
It’s so cold in here, Callum. Cold like the cabin on that beautiful night. We had it all that night. We had it all, and nobody could stop us.
But they did.
Do you remember it, Callum? Do you remember our bodies joining, the forbidden fiery love of Nought & Crosses. I feel can feel it burning, but cold I still remain.
Or do you regret what we did, regret our love, regret that I am having our child? Because if we hadn’t, we would be able to have the life we always wanted.
I can feel no love for this thing growing inside me, only pity. Pity for someone who can take no side in the war of Noughts versus Crosses. Pity for the child with a ruined human being for a mother and a hanged Nought terrorist for a father. The child different to everyone through no fault of her own. But one day I’ll have to tell her exactly how it happened, and that’s when I will need you the most, my dear.
Do you want my life, Callum? Do you want my body, a puppet filled with blood and venom? Because if I could switch places with you, I would in a heartbeat. But I know you could not do that. I could agree with your death, but you couldn’t mine. What does that say about us?
Or are you simply afraid? Afraid of living in a world where what you can never be enough? This was your way out of the life you never wanted.
So, how did you die, Callum? Capital punishment, murder, or the most subtle form of manipulative suicide?
The blood has stained my sheets and clothes, a brand of the hatred surrounding our child and everything to do with it. There is too much now. Maybe our child is dying. But we cannot have that. If my child die, I will crawl into its grave and lay there until I go the same way. if I could do that, I would. Why does no one understand that?
You died for our child, Callum. But would you die for me?
Sephy