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insanechild182 — only with you....

Published: 2005-01-09 19:21:48 +0000 UTC; Views: 250; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 12
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Description Only with you I can smile,
Only with you I feel safe
Only with you my heart beats this fast
Only with you I feel butterflies….

Only with you I can be happy
Only your eyes I want to see
Only your hands I want to feel running through my body
Only your fingertips brushing my black hair

Only you makes me feel beautiful
Only with you I’m home
Only with you I can cry my heart out
Only with you I can laugh
Only with you I can fly….

Don’t leave me here,
Without you I cant breathe
Without you I wouldn’t know which way is right
Without you my life wouldn’t be called life….
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Comments: 13

Ihiphop2much [2005-01-23 10:51:56 +0000 UTC]

I think this one is awesome, the wording in this is chill as all hell!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Ororons-Lie [2005-01-10 05:04:45 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful. ::claps::

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

insanechild182 In reply to Ororons-Lie [2005-01-10 06:58:36 +0000 UTC]

thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Ororons-Lie In reply to insanechild182 [2005-01-10 22:22:05 +0000 UTC]

^_^ Your Welcome!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

OffDutyNinja [2005-01-10 01:46:53 +0000 UTC]

Gorgeous poem Carlita . I love you so freakin much!!

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11th-hour [2005-01-10 01:09:40 +0000 UTC]

lovely work

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

insanechild182 In reply to 11th-hour [2005-01-10 03:57:22 +0000 UTC]

thanks

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WandererintheNight [2005-01-09 20:11:44 +0000 UTC]

I really like it Carla, the only thing I would change is the last line of
Only with you I can be happy
Only your eyes I want to see
Only your hands I want to feel running through my body
And your fingertips brushing my black hair.

I would switch And with Only, it breaks the pattern and rythm of repeitition in the poem, unless you want the reader to stop and give that line a little extra thought.

👍: 0 ⏩: 3

insanechild182 In reply to WandererintheNight [2005-01-09 20:37:46 +0000 UTC]

i like your idea.....!!!!!! thanks, i just changed that one word.thanks a lot

👍: 0 ⏩: 2

WandererintheNight In reply to insanechild182 [2005-01-09 20:45:25 +0000 UTC]

Anytime.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

WandererintheNight In reply to insanechild182 [2005-01-09 20:45:25 +0000 UTC]

Anytime.

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

insanechild182 In reply to WandererintheNight [2005-01-09 20:37:41 +0000 UTC]

i like your idea.....!!!!!! thanks, i just changed that one word.thanks a lot

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insanechild182 In reply to WandererintheNight [2005-01-09 20:22:45 +0000 UTC]

thanks for the advise

👍: 0 ⏩: 0