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intricately-ordinary —
he's just not that into you
Published: 2013-07-06 04:58:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 5166; Favourites: 252; Downloads: 327
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Description
long-legged and twitchinglike the spiders
you watch run
down the
drain,
he doesn’t call
you pretty. you remember
his hands tracing the ink
of your veins, but he
doesn’t call you pretty.
he doesn’t hold
the door, and you
think you’re a liar
but the truth is quivering
naked in your voice
(we will name our children after
extinct kingdoms; dead beautiful
things. i will polish the dull spot
in your eye that you developed
after a terminal case of unnoticed
living. i will never be a cure but
damn it if i won’t be a diagnosis)
the static of his vocal chords
brings you back, martyr
without a cause,
he doesn’t call
you pretty and you
don’t question why.
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Comments: 145
I wish that your reality were something sweeter, something better
and that your world was even just half as kind
and beautiful
as you are
But in the same breath, I'm glad for the harshness of experience
and that love hurt and the days drew on forever ahead of you
that loneliness
made you beautiful
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Your work reminds me of the confessional poetry that was prevalent in the 50s and 60s, it especially reminds me of Plath. However, in point of difference, Plath could depict greater depth with her mixture of classical and modern symbolism ex: www.internal.org/Sylvia_Plath/... she was also more surreptitious when it came to reveling 'real events' (in part, the symbolism made it so). One can notice the astucious way in which Plath divulged certain aspects of her life, in say, Ariel or Daddy. My only critique is your use of cliché; I am in agreement with Martin Amis that there should be a literary war against clichés. Therefore, in my opinion, the tile of the piece could have been better. In addition, the use of the phrase ‘martyr without a cause' is probably just as overused as its counterpart, 'rebel without a cause'. Other than that slight critique, this is a great poem; I really liked the lines
"we will name our children after
extinct kingdoms; dead beautiful
things. i will polish the dull spot
in your eye that you developed
after a terminal case of unnoticed
living."
Congratulations on the Daily Deviation.
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thank you very much for your feedback. i agree with everything you said. i've noticed in myself when i'm writing about personal events, i allow the cathartic relief i get from writing to overwhelm my technical skills. i tend towards cliches to explain how i'm feeling. i'm going to try and eradicate that as i continue writing. i really appreciate how thoughtful you were with this critique, especially in mentioning Plath; i adore her work. thank you again (:
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"We will name our children after extinct kingdoms"... wow, very strong, i love it!
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thank you so much! <3
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This is really amazing. The style is simple but it draws deep emotions that are really touching to anyone who's felt that kind of aloneness
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i'm so glad, i hoped to be able to convey that feeling of loneliness. thank you
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absolutely well deserved, my dear. 
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you're so lovely
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congratulations! i am so happy to see this featured as a DD, it is probably one of my favorites from you! well deserved
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i'm absolutely honored to hear that from you, thank you
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oh, I thought the writing style seemed familiar! Congrats on the DD!
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You're welcome! ^^
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DD? I don't mean to be rude, because it's not a bad piece, but it needs work in my opinion. Keep it up though, you have an interesting way of phrasing things.
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There's a difference between slight criticism and "disapproval". I still complimented it, but I think it could be better.
Every artist knows that criticism is more valuable than blind approval.
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FAQ #873: What do I do when I disapprove of a Daily Deviation feature?
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This is brilliant.
A well deserved DD. Congratulations!
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thank you so much!
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You're very welcome!
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thank you heather
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Fantastic. And incredibly easy to relate to - all too recently meaningful for myself, as well! Well deserved DD
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it's always nice to know someone's felt the same
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Congrats on the DD! You totally deserve it!
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Well, you're welcome.
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thank you so much!
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Gosh Maddie, this is such a lovely piece with knowing paths leading off and coming back in for another look at one's heart while many readers look on and can relate.
Congratulations on the Daily D feature, dear!
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thank you for such kind words, i'm so happy to know you liked it
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You're more than welcome.
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Like the sentence: the truth is quivering
naked in your voice ; )
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Oh dear lord. This piece, in my opinion, is *highly* deserving of a Daily Deviation! It's brutally honest in a way that's a bit unnerving, but it unnerves me in all of the right ways. Each line reads so wonderfully into the next, your voice a lullaby or a tide the reader rides to completion. Truly, it is such a beautiful piece! I'm so happy to see you and your poem receive some of the recognition you both deserve~ Which probably could be more eloquently stated, but it portrays love all the same!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
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i'm so honored to know you feel that way
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thank you cassie, i'm so honored
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Of course! Again, you deserve it.
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woohoo! 
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