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invizygirl — GAD
by-nc-nd
Published: 2010-07-03 04:48:27 +0000 UTC; Views: 601; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 2
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Description
small, nervous gesturesthreaten to betray her thin,
flimsy veil of calm
beneath which anxieties
abuse her fractured psyche
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Comments: 55
are the meds helpful? i keep getting mixed views on that from people. thanks so much. i'm glad you liked it.
hope you're doing alright.
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Overall, they are a big help. I can get by, day to day, a lot better than I used too. Also, I don't know if it's like this for you, but my gad usually took a physical form as violence against my loved ones. This really put a stop to that, which is fantastic.
I can't cry anymore, though. And am sometimes more verbally abusive than I used to be. So it really is something you'd need to talk to a doctor about, and weigh the pros/cons.
It also affected my sleeping a bit. My dreams are kind of hallucinogenic now. They always were, but now I can't always tell if they're real or not when I wake up.
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good to know. i'm not usually outwardly violent. i tend to be more of the inwardly loathing, short-of-breath, panic attack kind of person.
hmmm. yeah i'd expect there'd be side effects. some of that sounds pretty harsh. i'm really glad it's helpful for you though.
thanks so much for the advice
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You are most welcome. I hope it helps. Whether you choose to go on meds or not is up to you, but whatever you do I hope your anxiety lessens and that life gets easier. I've had some of the internal loathing and panic attack stuff and it is NOT FUN.
Also, the fact is some of my reactions to the meds are probably related to other poor lifestyle choices as well, like a lack of excersize, which I've been told could lead me to be more agressive since I don't have an outlet for my anger.
If you have any more questions, feel free to drop me a line. 
Good luck!!!
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i very much appreciate it
you've been so sweet. thank you.
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very succinate and good chosen words... i like it : )
i have GAD and may i say that the best treatment is either CBT=cognitive behavior therapy or Bouddhism... *the power of now* might help as well..
hope you get well soon and have a colourful year.. : *
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thank you so much. i appreciate your insights on treatment. i hope you are doing well.
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you're welcome sweety : )
take care of yourself. and remember: life is beautiful and happiness can be found in the darkest of places : )
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you're very sweet. thank you so much.
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It's amazing how you've chosen just a few words to describe GAD and they are all perfect for explaining how I, certainly, feel. I recently told my parents that I suspect that I have GAD and am going for my first session of therapy next week. I sincerely hope that you get through it and that you continue writing in this way.~
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wow thank you so much. i'm thrilled you like. good for you for getting some therapy! i hope that's successful for you. my parents are not so understanding. good luck hon!
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I was petrified of telling my parents because I was scared that they'd blame it on hormones or just me over-exaggerating but luckily that wasn't the case... Maybe if you attempt to educate your parents a bit more about Anxiety, by showing them information and support websites or other websites with people's personal stories on them, then maybe they'd understand you better. It's just a suggestion but that's basically what my best friend said when I asked what I should do if my parents didn't believe me.~
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i'm so glad for you babe! that's lucky.
no my parents are those kind of people that genuinely enjoy being ignorant if it means they can be right. they told me i'm a drama queen and to shut up.
it's no big deal. i've done a lot of research and i'm doing what i can to help myself.
thanks tho. you're a sweetheart
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Well I hope they come round and see the light. Good for you, researching it yourself and trying to help yourself. I hope everything works out for you.~
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thanks sweetie. you're so nice. i hope things continue to go well for you
do you mind my asking if you're looking into medications? i only ask because i have a friend who is and i'm still really on the fence as to if that's a good idea or not.
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Same to you.
I've never really thought about mediaction and I'm thinking that I'll see how the therapy and everything goes... I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help...
Also, you know what I said about my parents being understanding when I told them about all of this? Well, they booked me in for therapy but for the past week, it seems that they've forgotten all the other things I told them -- for example, they still yell at me and think I'm being over dramatic when I tell them not to crash and bang because I hate loud noises, and when I still run everywhere in the house because I'm petrified of someone following me and so many other individual symptoms... It seems really selfish and stupid but it just makes it harder to deal with if they're not remembering how scared I get of small things...
Yeah, sorry, I know that your parents don't even believe you but it just makes this constant feeling of anxiety seem even more like hell than it should do because I just get the feeling that they still don't really understand the extremely heightened levels of my anxiety...
It's been lovely talking to you and I hope that we can continue this conversation as it feels so good to have someone who knows what I'm going through.
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oh it's no problem. i'm just trying generally to check it out as it seems to be a popular option. not one i have, but seemingly popular nonetheless.
oh that's awful. people tend to do that. it's not an problem unless they can see it or it has a scary name/association like cancer. that blows. you ticks sound a little more noticeable than mine. that's gotta be rough.
you don't have to apologize to me honey. trust me, i get it. people like to blow it off cause "everyone feels anxious" but they really don't know what they're saying. i'm always up for talking about it. it's really great to know that i'm not a freak i gotta say. 
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Thank you so much for all your support, even when having the same sort of problems yourself!
I find it really difficult with my anxiety as - and I'm sure it's the same for everyone else in the same situation - even though you know you should tell someone or even just that you know you should be relieved to know you're going to see someone professional about it all, you still feel unspeakably anxious about it which makes it really, really hard; harder than it should be...
Just to go back to what you asked me about mediaction: I now remember looking up various treatments online while researching the dissorder to confirm to myself that GAD was, in fact, what was wrong, and it said that people normally take medication if depression goes alongside the anxiety which luckily isn't the case for me but I suppose it's different for everyone...
I've only told one of my friends about all of my anxiety who happens to know a lot about this sort of thing and also shares my general interest in mental illnesses but my other friends make jokes about other problems (e.g. depression and anorexia and other things which I am not affected by) and they don't understand when I get defensive and tell them not to say things like that...
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oh hon it's no big deal. who else could we talk to that gets it, you know?
oh definitely. i probably could sign up to see my school's therapist free without my parents knowing, but the idea of talking to him makes me so much more anxious that i feel like it's not even worth it. you want the relief, but even that makes you anxious.
hmm. well i was reading a few articles on mild sedative-like medication. it's supposed to be for when you have panic attacks with gad that make breathing difficult. i know that happens to me all the time. the idea is supposed to be to keep your muscles relaxed enough that they don't seize and cut off your oxygen.
that is the worst. i have a friend who's a recovering anorexic with fairly severe ocd and she was in a coma from lack of nutrients. just because it's not instantly visible with every person, doesn't mean it's not real...
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Oh, sorry! Did it come across like I have anorexia? I'm sorry if it did, as I don't and never have... It just bugs me when people who are unkowledgable about that kind of thing feel that they can freely offend people who actually suffer from those dissorders and it's the same with my anxiety...
Also, at my school, each class have a social services week when they put on various events and sell things for a selected charity. The class that are doing it this week are supporting OCD UK which I am all for donating for. I was thinking of suggesting that my class do Anxiety UK but then I'm scared that lots of questions would be raised that I wouldn't want to answer so I'm going to ask my parents if we can donate to Anxiety UK seperately.
Woah, that sounds terrible... Personally, I don't get panic attacks like you do... it's more like a constant, underlying fear about everything that makes me feel sick, jumpy, irritable and stressed all the time, only to a very high level that other people - including my family - can't imagine...
I'm very sorry for your friend and sincerely hopes that she gets through everything and I also wish the same for you.
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no i was agreeing with you hon. i just mean to say that i have seen that kind of stuff first hand. i'm only assenting ^_^
that's a really cool idea. there's always fundraisers on campus here, but we don't do it by class like that. that's really cool. if you're not comfortable, anonymous donating is just as helpful
yikes that's awful hon. i can't imagine. i'm at more of a mild anxiety level most of the time with sporadic panic attacks. to be like that all the time must be difficult.
she's doing much better now, thanks. we're all just trying to cope. i'm hoping you're doing well.
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It's ok if you can't imagine my situation, as I have just as much trouble trying to imagine having frequent panic attacks which sounds so awful... No, for me, it's more of a constant sense of anxiety and nausea which builds up to a lot more when there's something that I could vaguely give reason to stress about. The main thing, though, is just having an irrational fear of absolutely everything, which I'm not sure if you have too but it's not pleasant.
How I try to look at it, is that I've been suffering from this for nearly half my life so far and now I just know the name for it so it's not as if I'm suddenly feeling this way. I don't know if that philosophy helps in any way with your problems but if it does, then I'm glad.~
I'm glad about your friend, I really wish her the best in getting better. The same to you, as well. 
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i'm right there with you with the irrational fear. it makes me feel like i'm being ridiculous too, which only makes me more self conscious that i look ridiculous. it's a nasty cycle. found anything that helps?
yeah that's very true. i duno i guess i just feel stuck. that's a good way to look at it though. thanks.
thanks so much. she's been having good days so it's been great. how're you doing?
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Well, I've had my first therapy session and this woman is really nice and takes me completely seriously which feels good for a change. The tricky thing is that she made me analyse all my fears which I found very hard as when there's something making me anxious, all I can think about is that thing that I'm worrying about but I found the session really helpful and I'm going again in a few days' time.
I know what you mean about the whole feeling self-concious thing. It doesn't help the fact that I've always had fairly low self-esteem so generally feel awkward and self-concious anyway but it doesn't help when I'm scared that they can see me worrying or think that it's stupid to obssess over such a small thing.
Generally, I'm doing ok, thanks. I mean, besides my anxiety - which I hope will get better soon, after more therapy sessions - I'm not dreading anything in the near future and I'm also feeling a lot happier than I normally do, which are both always good things, though I still have that constant, fluttery fear in the base of my stomach all the time and everything else including my obsessive routines at night, but I'm hoping that I will feel better in a few weeks' time.
What about you? Are things going well?
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oh that's awesome. it's great that it's helping you out sweetie. you're braver than me. it'd make me AWFUL to try and analyze what's making me anxious.
i feel you on the low self-esteem thing. it makes me jittery as is.
better future outlook is always great. you're taking steps. i bet you'll work through it and it'll help a lot.
i'm alright i guess. i talk about it poorly. i had a minor panic attack today, but it's alright. no loss of breathing so i'm taking it as a good sign
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Just to say, I'm not actually feeling at all better and never expected anything to help me after just 2 hours of talking to someone about everything and I still feel sick, stressed and anxious all the time which, as you know, isn't pleasant.
And good for you; anything that's better than it normally is is usually a good sign. Then again, I'm saying that, but I'd probably be really terrible at trying to think like that if that happened to me...
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sorry i've been gone awhile. life's been ridiculous.
ugh that's awful babe. at least you're taking steps. good for you.
yeah, i'm trying to force myself to focus on the positives. doesn't always work, but i'm trying.
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Good for you.~
Focusing on the positives hardly ever works for me as I've seen the negative side of things for about half my life... It's great if it sometimes works for you, though.
My therapist is making me write down 3 positive things that happen every day which I'm finding unnecessarily difficult and often find myself sitting there in bed holding the pen but not writing anything because I can't see past the bad stuff...
Though she said that she's going to start trying to get me to gradually take things out of all my routines through the day, etc...
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yikes, 3? i agree with you there. that'd be really rough to do. is it getting any easier for you? i hope so.
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You should try, I know it sounds hypocritical of me to say 'Be positive, be happy' but it might be worth it, especially if you're not getting any support from your family...
God, today, my mum came out of the spare bedroom just after I came out of the bathroom and I jumped out of my skin, as I quite often do, and she said, "You don't need to look at me as if you hate me every time I make you jump." And I was struggling to explain to her --yet again -- how I feel and, after me saying that I don't hate her, this look of sudden comprehension showed on her face and she said, "OH! You mean I startled you, not scared you." and I shook my head, saying to her that she had scared me but it was nothing personal, and she corrected me yet again by saying, "No, you meant startled". I went into my room afterwards and just wanted to scream...
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nah i get what you mean. i'm working on it, i'm just not very good at it yet lol.
god that's awful. my mom does the same thing. everything i do she's like "i can't believe you hate me so much". it's not about that. people can be so frustrating. i'm sorry babe. that's rough.
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Yeah, it's great that you are going through the same sort of thing -- obviously it must be hell for you, I know that myself all too well, but it's nice to have someone who can actually relate to talk to for a change as I get the feeling that even the therapist doesn't get what I'm saying most of the time...
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i agree. i don't wish it on anyone, but it's nice to have someone to talk to. it's one of those things you can only understand to a point unless you yourself have it i think. you know?
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Yeah, I understand -- not to mention completely agree with you.~
I talked to my mum yesterday and, though I never actually planned to tell her that I get upset by the way she acts, leading me to believe that she doesn't take my problems seriously, she seemed to properly understand me when I told her about absolutely everything and she looked at me and said, "That must be exhausting." before saying to me that she's going to try and find someone for me to see to get a diagnosis rather the help I've been getting going only on assumptions.
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wow that's amazing babe! i'm so glad for you! i hope that you're able to get some solid help. that'd be fantastic.
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Sorry, I pressed 'send' when I didn't mean to.
But I guess I was basically finished with what I was saying. The only other thing I wanted to mention is that everytime they joke about me being unnecessarily stressed, irratable or nervy, I just want to yell at them that there's a reason but I don't want them to judge me or automatically stereotype me because of it...
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I've read this loads of times now. It is perfect except for the feel of it but I'm thinking to some extent that is dictated by the format. I'm thinking a disciplined format like this developed out of a disciplined culture. I think it will take time to imbue these with redolent feeling but when you do I think they could be powerful.
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well thank you. it occurred to me after that the disorder is anything but disciplined and so it was probably a bad choice to use this form, but i feel like it was good practice.
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I don't know. I think the trick with this form is to subtly imbue it with feeling. I'm thinking of a disciplined highly ordered culture where it wasn't acceptable to be very emotional. Energy that is restrained can build up into power. Energy that is scattered is lost. Over time you will acquire the art of presenting both depth of feeling and even chaos within the form and it may be all the more powerful for that discipline.
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i see what you mean. i really am working on it. it just may mean i post a lot of very very mediocre things before i get the hang of it.
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This piece isn't mediocre by any means. Read it yourself, it's word perfect, that's a lot, it says everything that it needs to say. How do you feel about it?
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well that's sweet of you. this is actually one of my better tankas as far as i'm concerned. i just mean to say that i haven't been getting all of them out quite this well. it may get worse before it gets better. i feel like this said exactly what i meant but maybe not in the best way possible. i tend to be critical of me.
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I think your assessment of this one is spot on. It works but there is room for improvement.
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