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Published: 2012-01-05 22:39:59 +0000 UTC; Views: 6481; Favourites: 182; Downloads: 207
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Description
here, at the bottom - lovers.
there are lovers disassembling
themselves
- lost in and to the desperate ryhtmn in of - waves.
moved themselves? see them slip,
in an open sleep. less go, come.
come and, and - again. trembling
here, at the bottom - their eyes
are lightless. hollow bodies left
restless,
the sea does not sleep.
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Comments: 125
This one still blows me away. Or rather, it pulls me along with it.
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I'll blow you away later on
for now i need to get you in
position.
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Goodness, this is gorgeous. Especially this:
did you think the continents
moved themselves? see them slip,
in an open sleep.
Just, wow. Definitely deserving of the DD, congrats!
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goodness, you're gorgeous.
glancing through your gallery
(good look) i see why you'd
appreciate it.
thanks!
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Oh my god I don't know how I didn't see this until now! congrats on the DD wes, teheh. 
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Gorgeous. I especially like: "in an open sleep. less go, come. / come and, and - again. trembling" The beat is fantastic, and I love your phrasing. <3
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thank you! you're lovely.
your comment made my night. im happy you're satisfied with beat and diction - i thought it was simple, maybe too simple. but it seems to work!
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Aw. :3 Thanks.
Glad to hear! 
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You've been featured: [link]
Keep up the fabulous work!!
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haha i'll try
and thank you!
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The economy of words here is outstanding. So much is accomplished. Well done.
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thats a huge compliment coming from you. thank you! ill try to keep it up.
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Gorgeous inside and out. It flows like the tide, and like loves slowly drifting together only to be taken away from each other again. I also loved how subtle the sexual undertones were-- really striking. This is one of my favorite lit DD's I've seen in a very long time. Congrats!
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you want to know how much i love this comment?
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I would love to know how much you enjoyed my comment, honestly.
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your comment sums it all up. the loves drifting close and then apart - caught that way. its perpetual really. couldn't get away from it if you tried. im glad my undertones were subtle enough, its more fun that way.
and then your last comment is sprinkles.
i get cupcakes and sprinkles too?! youre
too kind!
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Aww you're too sweet! I am happy that I caught the entire meaning, though. I love when that happens. Sprinkles always have to be included. 
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congratulations, love! i am so happy for you, i was waiting for this, wah
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thank you darling! now
you get your wish. haha
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2/3 better make that
last one count. hmm?
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i'll believe it when i see it
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i'm just going to go out on a limb and say that this poem could be strengthened by making the syntax more legible. there's one chunk in particular that's striking me as overwritten or possibly just containing a word you didn't mean to put there:
desperate motion in
of - waves.
poetry does play with grammar, sure, but it should also adhere to the constraints of the language enough to form an image beyond "the words are words".
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thank you for the suggestion!
it was a strange experimental way of saying
desperate motion in,
(desperate motion) of
- waves.
i have a habit of that with my writing, but whats in my head isn't easily translated to the viewer unless i say so, so i completely understand your thought on that.
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That actually works really nicely! Thanks for the clarification.
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no problem. im glad you pointed it out, ive always wanted to make sure people fully understand what im trying to convey.
cheers!
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