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my house is
in a nice neighborhood.
we own three cars
and a dog.
i buy lunch outside.
i live without need--and
of course i know it,
so well that
i am secretly ashamed of it,
try to hide it
from those around me

because
people have told me things like this:
that
he has no home
she has no hope
we have no food
you have it all
there is an underlying sense of resentment
and i have never liked being hated

so yes
i know that others' families
are not as well off, and this knowledge--well,

it would make me feel guilt
to respond in the positive
to the accusations of "middle-class" they throw at me,
to affirm that indeed i live well,
and well indeed--hell, sometimes
i feel guilt for having food on my table
or for even having a table--
which is totally irrational and demeaning as is already
because so many parents are working already!,
working so hard for their children
their children
my peers
fellow mates of
various classes

and isn't it spiting them either way?,
both them and their hard work?,
either to show my table or let them see my concern?
and is this the image they want us to have of them? but
i feel empathy, which is why i feel guilt

however what would i do?
what could i help with?
i am not the money, and
i have no time, and
it would not help, and
the money is not mine anyways
it is my parents'

and therein lies a great dichotomy because
there is another thing--
because with this great shame is
paired a great, aching pride
because we were there
and now we aren't.
it is after all
my parents who climbed to the top
from the rural country side
to the dusty streets of budding civilization
all the way to the shining buildings of the capital,
living in closets along the way
my parents who evaded red tape
who spoke their minds
who worked their hope into reality
who dodged and weaved through the hoops of an unforgiving "society"
all for the sake of themselves
and who they wanted us to have the ability to become
i lived with them during this process--
was not brilliant then
am not brilliant now--
and now it is
my parents who fight about petty things, but
who have lived to fight and
lived to love and carry us through the obstacles in our way and
lived to become who they are today--!
and oh,
i would live, not die, to tell them
how so, so very proud of them
and grateful to them
i truly am
and

i love them so much

and so can you tell me
why should i be ashamed?!
why should i be told by all i see
that there is any shame to be had in my parents, who are rightfully
reaping the crops of their inked letters and late-night tears
now, in the slow dawning of their twilight age?!
now, when they have gone through such hardship
been through the worst times
and are tired, so tired, are
bone-weary yet somehow stay young at heart
i know they aren't perfect
i have never expected them to be so
all i want for them is happiness,
and damnit they can have it if they want!

so forget anything that says otherwise
we were never a politically correct people anyways
if you want your damn help you better start working on it yourself first
because first and foremost
i love my parents and
i love my sister and
i love my family and
i love my friends and
for some ungodly reason
i can learn to love myself

but i love you too, and don't you dare forget it
i will be working to dig towards you even as
you dig out and up towards me
and when i'm older and better and wiser and stronger,
when i can make a bigger impact with each downstroke,
when i have worked and made it to you

you might be my friend too
and we will work together to set things right
in this world of so much wrong.