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Description
The air was still; the night devoid of life save for the raven sitting on the fire escape railing outside her window. A siren could be heard wailing in the distance, but for blocks, no one stirred.

One day, one of those ambulances may come for me.

The lamp burned next to her bedside table as she scribbled down her notes as the thoughts materialized in her mind. Her digital clock called the time: 2:14 AM. The words flowed from her pen and blackened her paper.

The jagged edge of the knife drew across her thigh like a lover’s kiss. Only a slight trickle of blood appeared beneath her dark blade, and she sucked in her breath as another wave of ecstasy washed over her. “Yes, yes…” she whispered to the darkness as it lapped up her life’s blood. “Take more, more!”

The blade seemed to whisper back to her in her mind, and dug deeper, causing her to cry out, both in pleasure and pain. “Yes, just like that!” she cried.
“What am I writing?” the girl asked herself. She scribbled out the last few lines and glared out the window. That same sensation filled her again, one she had been fighting ever since her best friend had died. Worthless piece of shit, it called. No one loves you. No one even knows you exist. They all know your pseudonym. They cry her name, not yours.

“Phen Omena,” came the whispered reply. Her stories filled the bookstore shelves under that name, but under her own… Kate Rogers is too boring to sell books.

You should just die already, Kate. You know you want to. Her eyes darted to the knife that lay on her bedside table. Why do you keep it so close, Kate? One of these days, you must…

“No… I cannot… Get away from me!” The words came out in a hushed whisper, but even so, her hand reached out slowly towards the blade. The girl saw her hand’s movement and quickly withdrew it with a sharp inhale. This darkness had followed her all through college. One night, to prevent herself from taking that knife, she had taken a cab to the nearest bar, winked at the first guy to offer her a drink, dragged him back to her place. He spent barely ten minutes in her bed and left in shame, grabbing his clothes, as she sat there, tears flowing down her cheek.

“Who are you?” she asked the darkness, and received an ominous chuckle in reply.

I am hate and darkness. I am Hades and Pluto. I am Poe and Dickinson and Nirvana. I am you.

The cryptic answer caused her hand to edge towards the blade. “I am hate and darkness,” she whispered, as if in a trance. She picked up the knife and looked at it anew. The curved wickedness of its shaft, the sleek narrowing of the blade.

You hold release in your hands. You hold what you’ve been searching for your entire life. End it. Become one with Dickinson and Poe.

“Kate, let me in.”

The voice at the door came without any warning, and the darkness seemed to recede in a hiss. The knife was mere inches away from her wrist. A quick slice and it would be over.

“Kate, I know this door is unlocked. Please, just come to the door anyways.”

No, Kate, join the great poets of old. Join me and end this suffering. End your loneliness and despair.

“Kate… please, I need to talk to you.”

Her eyes darted between the door to her room and the knife in her hand. A thousand images rushed through her mind. She could end it all right here. She could impale her nighttime intruder. She could have a pleasant conversation. She could hide all that has happened and cover up her weakness again. She could destroy the world.

The handle turned in the midst of the girl’s hesitation and she entered. “Phen,” the girl whispered, her knife now pressing lightly against her wrist. Red pinpricks showed under the blade. “Why did you come here?”

“Kate, you don’t want to do this.”

How does she know what you want, Kate? I know what you want. You and I are almost one. Join the darkness and press that knife deeper into your skin.

“Kate, I do know what you want. You want love and recognition. You want acceptance, just like all of us.”

Once again, images began to flood her mind. Crowds chanting her name, her mother’s smile, herself in the arms of Phen. She thought she saw a twitch of a smile on Phen’s lips at that last thought. That doesn’t make any sense though…

“Yes, if you want, Kate. I…I would not mind. Please, release the knife.” All the while, Phen approached closer and slowly towards the girl, reaching her hand out towards her. Another image entered the girl’s mind, reaching out with her hand and driving the knife deep into Phen’s chest. Just as quickly, she had a vision of reaching out and dragging Phen down onto the bed on top of her, being smothered in Phen’s embrace, and entangled in her legs.

The knife was removed from her grasp. The feeling of Phen’s hand brushing her own, opening her grasp, removing the blade… the girl looked up at Phen with poorly-concealed lust behind her eyes. “Why, Phen? Why not just let me die?”

“Because, Kate…” Phen swallowed a bit, and the girl watched the slender hand tremble and drop the blade on the floor. “Because… I love you, Kate. I love you, and I want you. Don’t leave me, Kate.” A tear began to journey down the perfect curve of Phen’s cheek, forming a rivulet of sadness and wonder.

“You love me?” The girl looked up and met Phen’s eyes. “No one loves me. No one could ever love me. Especially not you.”

Phen shook her head. “I have always loved you. I have known you a long time, Kate. Ever since I met you, I knew you were more special than anyone else I had ever met. You are my one and only, Kate. I would do anything for you.”

“Anything?” Kate’s mind flashed through a million scenarios.

“Yes,” Phen replied, closing the gap between them and sitting on the bed next to Kate, brushing her fingers through Kate’s hair. “Even that. Especially that.”

“You’re one of them…” Kate suddenly realized the truth. “You’re the girl from my childhood. You’re her brother, the stray cat, the old janitor at the dorm.” A nod answered her. “You’ve loved me this whole time… You’ve seen my weakest times and still, you love me for who I am.” Another nod. Tears began to flow from Kate’s eyes. “All this time, I’ve been searching and you’ve been right here. I’m so sorry, Phen.”

Kate suddenly became lost in Phen’s embrace. She began to shudder at the warmth, the pure love coming from her muse. She turned her face towards Phen and kissed her deeply, like she had never kissed before. Phen broke the kiss off several second later and leaned away from Kate.

“I had never… NEVER…” Kate began, but Phen simply nodded and crawled into bed next to her. “I love you, Phen,” Kate whispered to her muse.

“I love you too. I always have.”

Description
The air was still; the night devoid of life save for the raven sitting on the fire escape railing outside her window. A siren could be heard wailing in the distance, but for blocks, no one stirred.

One day, one of those ambulances may come for me.

The lamp burned next to her bedside table as she scribbled down her notes as the thoughts materialized in her mind. Her digital clock called the time: 2:14 AM. The words flowed from her pen and blackened her paper.

The jagged edge of the knife drew across her thigh like a lover’s kiss. Only a slight trickle of blood appeared beneath her dark blade, and she sucked in her breath as another wave of ecstasy washed over her. “Yes, yes…” she whispered to the darkness as it lapped up her life’s blood. “Take more, more!”

The blade seemed to whisper back to her in her mind, and dug deeper, causing her to cry out, both in pleasure and pain. “Yes, just like that!” she cried.
“What am I writing?” the girl asked herself. She scribbled out the last few lines and glared out the window. That same sensation filled her again, one she had been fighting ever since her best friend had died. Worthless piece of shit, it called. No one loves you. No one even knows you exist. They all know your pseudonym. They cry her name, not yours.

“Phen Omena,” came the whispered reply. Her stories filled the bookstore shelves under that name, but under her own… Kate Rogers is too boring to sell books.

You should just die already, Kate. You know you want to. Her eyes darted to the knife that lay on her bedside table. Why do you keep it so close, Kate? One of these days, you must…

“No… I cannot… Get away from me!” The words came out in a hushed whisper, but even so, her hand reached out slowly towards the blade. The girl saw her hand’s movement and quickly withdrew it with a sharp inhale. This darkness had followed her all through college. One night, to prevent herself from taking that knife, she had taken a cab to the nearest bar, winked at the first guy to offer her a drink, dragged him back to her place. He spent barely ten minutes in her bed and left in shame, grabbing his clothes, as she sat there, tears flowing down her cheek.

“Who are you?” she asked the darkness, and received an ominous chuckle in reply.

I am hate and darkness. I am Hades and Pluto. I am Poe and Dickinson and Nirvana. I am you.

The cryptic answer caused her hand to edge towards the blade. “I am hate and darkness,” she whispered, as if in a trance. She picked up the knife and looked at it anew. The curved wickedness of its shaft, the sleek narrowing of the blade.

You hold release in your hands. You hold what you’ve been searching for your entire life. End it. Become one with Dickinson and Poe.

“Kate, let me in.”

The voice at the door came without any warning, and the darkness seemed to recede in a hiss. The knife was mere inches away from her wrist. A quick slice and it would be over.

“Kate, I know this door is unlocked. Please, just come to the door anyways.”

No, Kate, join the great poets of old. Join me and end this suffering. End your loneliness and despair.

“Kate… please, I need to talk to you.”

Her eyes darted between the door to her room and the knife in her hand. A thousand images rushed through her mind. She could end it all right here. She could impale her nighttime intruder. She could have a pleasant conversation. She could hide all that has happened and cover up her weakness again. She could destroy the world.

The handle turned in the midst of the girl’s hesitation and she entered. “Phen,” the girl whispered, her knife now pressing lightly against her wrist. Red pinpricks showed under the blade. “Why did you come here?”

“Kate, you don’t want to do this.”

How does she know what you want, Kate? I know what you want. You and I are almost one. Join the darkness and press that knife deeper into your skin.

“Kate, I do know what you want. You want love and recognition. You want acceptance, just like all of us.”

Once again, images began to flood her mind. Crowds chanting her name, her mother’s smile, herself in the arms of Phen. She thought she saw a twitch of a smile on Phen’s lips at that last thought. That doesn’t make any sense though…

“Yes, if you want, Kate. I…I would not mind. Please, release the knife.” All the while, Phen approached closer and slowly towards the girl, reaching her hand out towards her. Another image entered the girl’s mind, reaching out with her hand and driving the knife deep into Phen’s chest. Just as quickly, she had a vision of reaching out and dragging Phen down onto the bed on top of her, being smothered in Phen’s embrace, and entangled in her legs.

The knife was removed from her grasp. The feeling of Phen’s hand brushing her own, opening her grasp, removing the blade… the girl looked up at Phen with poorly-concealed lust behind her eyes. “Why, Phen? Why not just let me die?”

“Because, Kate…” Phen swallowed a bit, and the girl watched the slender hand tremble and drop the blade on the floor. “Because… I love you, Kate. I love you, and I want you. Don’t leave me, Kate.” A tear began to journey down the perfect curve of Phen’s cheek, forming a rivulet of sadness and wonder.

“You love me?” The girl looked up and met Phen’s eyes. “No one loves me. No one could ever love me. Especially not you.”

Phen shook her head. “I have always loved you. I have known you a long time, Kate. Ever since I met you, I knew you were more special than anyone else I had ever met. You are my one and only, Kate. I would do anything for you.”

“Anything?” Kate’s mind flashed through a million scenarios.

“Yes,” Phen replied, closing the gap between them and sitting on the bed next to Kate, brushing her fingers through Kate’s hair. “Even that. Especially that.”

“You’re one of them…” Kate suddenly realized the truth. “You’re the girl from my childhood. You’re her brother, the stray cat, the old janitor at the dorm.” A nod answered her. “You’ve loved me this whole time… You’ve seen my weakest times and still, you love me for who I am.” Another nod. Tears began to flow from Kate’s eyes. “All this time, I’ve been searching and you’ve been right here. I’m so sorry, Phen.”

Kate suddenly became lost in Phen’s embrace. She began to shudder at the warmth, the pure love coming from her muse. She turned her face towards Phen and kissed her deeply, like she had never kissed before. Phen broke the kiss off several second later and leaned away from Kate.

“I had never… NEVER…” Kate began, but Phen simply nodded and crawled into bed next to her. “I love you, Phen,” Kate whispered to her muse.

“I love you too. I always have.”