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Description

2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 (Now)

Because these yearly recaps are generally partnered with introspection, here it is. It's daunting to see the row of numbers now standing twelve tall, while witnessing my own decline in the desire to progress. The monthly recaps and reminiscing has been replaced with silence and shame. I wonder if this will be the last year.

These used to excite me, both individually and on a wider scale-- it was like Christmas for me to see all my friends look through their art and debate how to fill each month with the piece that they best liked or best represented it. It was natural to have dips and slumps-- but then there was the joy of having too many good options in certain months too.

I don't know if anyone I'm close to filled out one of these this year. I didn't get to hear the deliberation or see the final recap that I usually look forward to.

I feel like the communities I used to have with people are mostly gone. I think that's what I see most as I see the decline in my art.

I have more stability and friendship now than I have had my entire life. I've learned to be more selfish and demanding in my relationships. It is purpose and positivity that continues to evade me. I have ideas-- but it is motivation and self control that keeps waning. I do not know if it is a fight I will win without others. So maybe this year will be the last. Or maybe miraculously, flowers will sprout from the cracks of the concrete, and pull me in.

Anyway. December is a lie because I drew it mostly in January but I'm putting it there anyway. In September I got my first real job that lets me pay rent and buy groceries and still have money to spare. I do not know how much of life I enjoy, but I do not suffer through it as I used to.

2023 GOALS: Give what you get. Be more selfish and infinitely self-absorbed.

If this year is the last, it was fun while it lasted.

Description

2010 | 2011 | 2012 | 2013 | 2014 | 2015 | 2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019 | 2020 | 2021 | 2022 (Now)

Because these yearly recaps are generally partnered with introspection, here it is. It's daunting to see the row of numbers now standing twelve tall, while witnessing my own decline in the desire to progress. The monthly recaps and reminiscing has been replaced with silence and shame. I wonder if this will be the last year.

These used to excite me, both individually and on a wider scale-- it was like Christmas for me to see all my friends look through their art and debate how to fill each month with the piece that they best liked or best represented it. It was natural to have dips and slumps-- but then there was the joy of having too many good options in certain months too.

I don't know if anyone I'm close to filled out one of these this year. I didn't get to hear the deliberation or see the final recap that I usually look forward to.

I feel like the communities I used to have with people are mostly gone. I think that's what I see most as I see the decline in my art.

I have more stability and friendship now than I have had my entire life. I've learned to be more selfish and demanding in my relationships. It is purpose and positivity that continues to evade me. I have ideas-- but it is motivation and self control that keeps waning. I do not know if it is a fight I will win without others. So maybe this year will be the last. Or maybe miraculously, flowers will sprout from the cracks of the concrete, and pull me in.

Anyway. December is a lie because I drew it mostly in January but I'm putting it there anyway. In September I got my first real job that lets me pay rent and buy groceries and still have money to spare. I do not know how much of life I enjoy, but I do not suffer through it as I used to.

2023 GOALS: Give what you get. Be more selfish and infinitely self-absorbed.

If this year is the last, it was fun while it lasted.