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juliatrotti — lemon cake
Published: 2008-11-13 07:32:34 +0000 UTC; Views: 5284; Favourites: 196; Downloads: 56
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Description
this house isn't made out ofa mess. this house is
made out of:
a sinking bathroom floor
because she sighs and i
lose count. shower curtains
you need to water and rust
that doesn't wash out
of the tiles.
it is made out of:
a telephone made for hanging
up because she doesn't
want to talk to her sister.
and mirrors to remind you
that
you are a beautiful
broken
thing.
it is made out of:
sorry notes and scribbles and
a windy day. it sits next to
the other houses made of
secrets and sorrow and stories
and rooftops and bathroom
tiles.
it is made out of:
kitchen tiles, too. they are
black and white and white and
black.
an under the bed, where we used
to kiss and dust and more dust
that keeps coming back
when you clean it.
it is made out of:
coffee stains and peeling wallpaper
and a cracking ceiling where i
hang my stars.
it is made out of:
why did you forget to call your
mother? and
why did you forget to hang the
washing out?
yet again.
it is made out of:
a lemon cake all gone wrong because
you forgot to read the recipe or
maybe you forgot how to read
all together.
it is made out of:
you and me and him and her and
materials i don't know the name
of. and its got an orange
rooftop and a white ceiling and
there's a crack right above my bed
that i look at before i fall
asleep and you tell me you're
going to fix it, but its been
there since we've moved. and you
say we're going to fix this but
its been like this since we've
moved. its been like this
since
five years ago, two minutes ago. its
been like this ever
since.
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Comments: 59
I don't know why I didn't fave this the first time I read it. Lovely.
The title makes me hungry. :S
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If more people wrote down the poems that they thought up in their heads as they were washing dishes, there would be more great poetry, just like this.
I'm inspired.
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you have a gift, and it's so an honor that you chose to share it with us peasants.
i am purple and green and bruised with envy,
i love your work always. (:
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After reading some of your stuff i like your cadence, your rhythm draws out emotions and thoughts. Very nice, unique.
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wow this is so great, i love how everything u describe are such little things we never notice until they add up...until we are paying attention...great poem!
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I think I have at least 80 notes saved in my phone because I'm always somewhere without a pen. I hate forgetting, but I always do. I'm glad you didn't. All your compositions are so good.
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Awesome poem, your mum must have a literary mind.
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Great poem! I love how it's written and how you arranged the words on the page (: awesome imagery.
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thank you =] im really glad you liked it.
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where do u go to school we had to do the exact same project in creative writing
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i go to school in australia, but this wasn't something i had to do for school, it was just a personal thing i felt like writing =]
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where do u go to school we had to do the exact same project in creative writing
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I have not ventured to the poetry section of deviantart for years for fear of what I might read. I clicked on your piece from the front page with much trepidation, not expecting much. Thank you for renewing my faith that someone else on deviantart gives some thought to their work. Your use of repetition of "this house is made of" works well. You don't use it consistently and rigidly, but where it flows naturally. You have strong imagery that works well and conjures plenty of ideas and memories as I read it. The only thing that I find awkward is the spacing between "broken" and "thing." I am not sure if this is intentional or a typo. That is all--otherwise, a beautiful poem that I enjoyed reading several times.
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I love the structure of this poem. It seems to bring up even more imagery before the next paragraph is read like the line "its got an orange" makes me think of the fruit, but the next word is "rooftop" which then makes me think of the orange rooftop itself, while the image of the fruit is still there)
I think its brilliant
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hehe im glad you enjoy the way i write it =] i think it works the best on the line where i say "before i fall"... "asleep" lol. but yeah, im glad you liked it. thank you!
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My gaaaaaaaawwwww....
You have to stop writing all this AWESOME stuff.
You use your words well, I like it. (-;
Paintin' a scene sure is your thing, ain't it?
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hehe
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This is amazing. Your style of narration is just so... indescribably lovely.
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its not got the same feeling as the others. what made this one different?
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hmm.. im not sure? i think i just wrote this just like all my other ones. what feeling do you get out of it that's different?
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it kinda felt a little forced, maybe is the right word. Others that i read felt quite raw, untamed and wild, unedited, not exactly even full blown thoughts sometimes just glimpses. to me this almost feels edited. or fully thought out? lol its not my art so dont put much stock in what I say, it could be just me
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yeah actually i think you're right. looking back on it, i did actually give this one a lot of though, and instead of just typing it all out in one go, i did it in bits and pieces and went back to edit things and change things around. its amazing that you can notice something like that =]
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im highly critical of what i write. i dont know the "rules" of writing. but i can tell when what I write is raw, and when it refined. i just see the same with yours. what ive read doesnt have to rhyme, or make linear sense, its raw and intense and full of emotion. lemon cake was simliar but coherent. its like the difference between freehand drawing and stenciling, you may use the same pencil, or marker, and the same everything, but you'll still be able to see the difference. and thanks for like taking my opinion seriously, lol random internet critic.
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I like...a lot. It is some magic Dali-esque house, full of cold light and smoky cobwebs and a girl with her hands in the kitchen sink, daydreaming. I should very much like to visit it again.
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heh. amen. we all (except my mother who hogs the upstairs master bedroom and basically uses the rest of upstairs as storage space) live downstairs because most of the upstairs is unlivable.
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I moved to a new house 5 years ago. To escape my dad's death.
We haven't fixed ourselves, yet.
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It's not as bad as it seems to sound -- living in denial is easy.
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This is amazing. It's exactly how I felt about my parents' house. It's part of the reason I moved out.
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yeah, someone said to me that all the stories and tragedies start to seep into the woodwork of the house after a while and there's no way to get them out. so i guess the only way of getting away from it is to just move
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What an amazing piece of writing! Living in such a messy house with the orange roof sounds pretty interesting...XD
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hehe its alright =] inspirational at times, i suppose. just the little things everyone does.
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I love this poem. I like the flow its different. great job
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Whenever I write poems in my head, while doing other things, I can never quite capture what I had originally wanted to say when I go back to actually write DOWN the poem. I'm glad you didn't forget 
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im trying to practice so i dont forget the things i write in my head, since i can usually only write when i have no paper or pens around. and thank you, im glad you liked it
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