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SUNDAY, 2 FEBRUARY 2014
You are alone, as I am. I can feel it in the silences between your thoughts, see it in the movement of your hands.
Your hair settles in a way that speaks of remoteness. In spite of all your seeking - for a place, for a belonging, an escape - I know that loneliness is all you've ever had.
I feel I could be all of my selves with you; the child, the neurotic, the mystic, the melancholic... And you wouldn't fear the recesses in me. I could challenge you - to be better.
I know how you've longed for that challenge, but that you've feared it just as much as you've craved it.
I have always known you capable of great things, and you have feared me, too, for knowing I could bring them out in you.
Greatness brings with it responsibility; it's natural you should fear. You know you are bound to disappoint me. I want to tell you now that it's okay - I'm bound to disappoint you too.
But know that I'd forgive your darkest shortcomings and your gravest betrayals - even those - because I know they would arise out of your despair.
If they were to be born of indifference, I'd have nothing left for you, but despair is something I understand.
Your final fear is that I would love you, with the kind of love that would alter you forever. And you wonder who might you be, if not alone ?
- taken from Anina Bird journal entry from February 2nd ,2014 .
Unsent Letters
as always ,she captures so well my inner feelings .
i can help but to quote her from time to time .
this is my little preview of what's inside of my unlivable universe .
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a l w a y s !
“Like most misery, it started out with apparent happiness. "