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Description

I wanted to feel tall.

1 x shaded fb (6) + full bg (3) + 2x 250 words (2) + 1 x same character bonus (1) + development bonus (explained below) (2) = 14 AP to Esin !

reference used

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She is alone again.

Growing up, she was often alone. More often then not, in fact, and she had told herself she preferred it that way. That she did not whisper secrets to the stars, did not close her eyes and imagine a voice speaking back to her, dreamt of a mother who loved her. She had been so certain that she didn't need anyone close to her, even as she craved endlessly to help others, to be recognized, to be someone.

To not be alone.

And here she stands, miles of Seroran desert stretching emptily in every direction. Once again, her only companions glitter silently above her, the wind a cold caress in her hair.

She wants to take comfort from it. Tries to.

"I told myself, once." She whispers into the dark. Her voice is a breaking, fragile thing. "That if I never heard from you, it would be all right. I knew you heard me. That was enough." Her face crumbles, and she looks down.

"I thought it was all right, to be alone. But..." She lifts her head again, eyes bright with unshed tears.

"But now I'm so lonely." She breathes. "Sky Mother, every day, I see our people being so close, so connected, and they have no idea what they have." She blinks as a hot tear scorches its way down her cheek. "And I hate myself for being so jealous." Choked out, eyes closing as more tears begin to fall.

She thinks of her friends. The friends who are so dear to her, the friends that she has pushed away in her own pain and envy. Jealous of their relationships with others, their other friendships certainly but the desperate craving she tried to pretend didn't exist in her heart was the sharpest knife of all, and had but one word written on it.

Family.

She is alone.

Her parents are scattered to the wind. They didn't want her past her brief use to them. She has no mother, no father. No siblings. No cousins, no aunts, no uncles. Nothing other then joking honorary titles. Things that other Serorans take for granted, their large, sprawling families, that support and love that came with it.

What was it like, being loved like that?

What was a mother's love like? A father's?

What was it like to have a family?

She has known Alya's love her whole life, but it is not the same. It is her rock, her cornerstone, but she cannot simply spend time with Alya, much as she may wish. She cannot embrace her casually, cannot seek out advice on her problems. Alya did not cheer at her Rising Wind ceremony, even if Esin felt her in spirit. She had no family there, and that will never change. It's a simple fact, but one that drives into her heart like an arrow.

Her head drops, a soft sob escaping, her eyes pinched shut.

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

Crimson eyes flash in her memory. Chased away, sent away, and now Esin mourned the loss she had caused. Anger, jealousy, fear. She'd chased away the closest friend she'd ever known, for reasons that had seemed so important. And now she stood alone, just as she had for much of her life, weeping with the night sky as her only witness.

Just a scared child, talking to the stars.

She is alone again.

(569)

---

Character development explanation: Esin is coming to some (hard) realizations that she is the one to push people away, and has found herself back where she started- alone. And is starting to realize that her ongoing conflict with Bellona might just be based from her own issues, and not Bellona's actions. (The issues being her own intolerance to Bellona's people and religion, her own insecurities and jealousies)

Essie is fine!

Description

I wanted to feel tall.

1 x shaded fb (6) + full bg (3) + 2x 250 words (2) + 1 x same character bonus (1) + development bonus (explained below) (2) = 14 AP to Esin !

reference used

---

She is alone again.

Growing up, she was often alone. More often then not, in fact, and she had told herself she preferred it that way. That she did not whisper secrets to the stars, did not close her eyes and imagine a voice speaking back to her, dreamt of a mother who loved her. She had been so certain that she didn't need anyone close to her, even as she craved endlessly to help others, to be recognized, to be someone.

To not be alone.

And here she stands, miles of Seroran desert stretching emptily in every direction. Once again, her only companions glitter silently above her, the wind a cold caress in her hair.

She wants to take comfort from it. Tries to.

"I told myself, once." She whispers into the dark. Her voice is a breaking, fragile thing. "That if I never heard from you, it would be all right. I knew you heard me. That was enough." Her face crumbles, and she looks down.

"I thought it was all right, to be alone. But..." She lifts her head again, eyes bright with unshed tears.

"But now I'm so lonely." She breathes. "Sky Mother, every day, I see our people being so close, so connected, and they have no idea what they have." She blinks as a hot tear scorches its way down her cheek. "And I hate myself for being so jealous." Choked out, eyes closing as more tears begin to fall.

She thinks of her friends. The friends who are so dear to her, the friends that she has pushed away in her own pain and envy. Jealous of their relationships with others, their other friendships certainly but the desperate craving she tried to pretend didn't exist in her heart was the sharpest knife of all, and had but one word written on it.

Family.

She is alone.

Her parents are scattered to the wind. They didn't want her past her brief use to them. She has no mother, no father. No siblings. No cousins, no aunts, no uncles. Nothing other then joking honorary titles. Things that other Serorans take for granted, their large, sprawling families, that support and love that came with it.

What was it like, being loved like that?

What was a mother's love like? A father's?

What was it like to have a family?

She has known Alya's love her whole life, but it is not the same. It is her rock, her cornerstone, but she cannot simply spend time with Alya, much as she may wish. She cannot embrace her casually, cannot seek out advice on her problems. Alya did not cheer at her Rising Wind ceremony, even if Esin felt her in spirit. She had no family there, and that will never change. It's a simple fact, but one that drives into her heart like an arrow.

Her head drops, a soft sob escaping, her eyes pinched shut.

"I don't want to be alone anymore."

Crimson eyes flash in her memory. Chased away, sent away, and now Esin mourned the loss she had caused. Anger, jealousy, fear. She'd chased away the closest friend she'd ever known, for reasons that had seemed so important. And now she stood alone, just as she had for much of her life, weeping with the night sky as her only witness.

Just a scared child, talking to the stars.

She is alone again.

(569)

---

Character development explanation: Esin is coming to some (hard) realizations that she is the one to push people away, and has found herself back where she started- alone. And is starting to realize that her ongoing conflict with Bellona might just be based from her own issues, and not Bellona's actions. (The issues being her own intolerance to Bellona's people and religion, her own insecurities and jealousies)

Essie is fine!