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Each kiss was subtle.
Each glance was loving.
And it all came in small doses.
This was the way Levi was.
This was the way your love with him was and just how it functioned so well. Not that you minded, of course. Since Levi was a different soul, you understood your love would be unlike any other.
It would be filled with uncertainties and constant fear of waking one morning to only remember that the other was not with them anymore. This world was a world in which love could not be treated so lightheartedly, a world where death was there each moment your eyes cracked open.
Yet, your love with Humanity's Strongest blossomed in this world of inevitable pain like a flower in the sidewalk crevice.
You could even remember the night you were able to work up enough courage to reach for his vacant palm. That night on top of the roof where he once spoke to you of He, Isabel, and Farlan watching the stars they rarely got to see in the Underground. He had taken you to this place of such valuable meaning and you knew, somehow, you meant a little more than the others.
You remembered the heavy beat of your heart as it pumped heat to your cheeks and the shake of your own palm as it nudged his chilled flesh. You remember how you took your time to intertwine each digit with his own until warmth fully enveloped your hand.
His face went through a wave of emotions, something you’ve never seen happen, yet it was gone as quick as it came and with a bob of his adam’s apple, he peered back up at the stars above the two of you.
Of course you had no clue then, that he was taking in that moment one small dose at a time. How he found comfort in the caress of your palm, how he felt you slowly digging beneath his skin and even as it annoyed him so, he hoped for you to crawl through his veins like a disease and reach his heart.
Your relationship with him only grew further.
You began to realize how he was letting you in with each small gesture he made. Whether he wanted you to wrap yourself up warm during the winter or to take care of yourself and rest whenever needed, you began to spy his care.
When the moment came for the two of you to crawl out of oblivion, you remembered how he told you of his love. He didn’t speak words nor did he taste your lips...He was gentle with his touch and allowed his thumb to make soft contact with your cheek.
The furrow of his brows became more defined as he studied each feature you possessed. And he drank it in from the glow of your skin to the shimmer of your eyes that reflected a feeling that was erupting in his own chest. He inhaled the love you breathed and allowed himself to embody it in small doses.
He showed this way of love when your lips met for the first time, only lingering over them for a short period, only tasting you for a second before pulling away. Even as you wanted more, you knew how the man processed.
You knew he’d want to take you in slowly. He wanted to feel you like a breeze on a warm day, he wanted that relief but only for a small amount of time so that he could crave you. Levi believed that if he took gradual steps like this, he would be able to truly discover what love was and how it worked...and you knew that this way, he’d value you more.
On the day of your wedding, you recalled how he held your hands with such care that you were afraid he thought you’d shatter right in front of him. You could still feel his thumb rubbing circles against your flesh as the priest spoke of your marriage vows. Even as his visage revealed no emotion, the language of his body spoke of a love nobody but the two of you could comprehend.
You felt his orbs of dull silver scan each quality of yours with such precision that you knew exactly what was churning within his mind. Just like before, he allowed himself to consume every fiber of your perfect, almost unreal,existence in small, steady doses.
So, the moment you watched the soldiers fold the Survey Corps flag over his coffin, you inhaled it gradually. You allowed the moment to sink deep into the core of your being, you allowed the pain to flow to the very tips of your fingers. You became aware of each feeling you had for him. The troubles you faced, the happiness you once held, the love so deeply etched into your heart that it could not be replaced by another.
Of course, since then you never allowed for such a thing to go about. You never wanted another man to enter your life. You didn’t want to embrace a love that you knew was for him and him alone. So, you shut it out. The feelings. All together and all at once.
It has been years since Levi fell from your arms.
Humanity did not fall with him and that was because of him, you believed.
Unlike the years before, you wouldn’t have been sitting in your wheelchair, watching as the waves met the shore softly. You wouldn’t have been able to feel the wind dance through your now gray locks as soft as his touch was towards you.
You inhaled the salt of the ocean, eyes cracking to take on the burst of colors erupting from the setting sun. It was then and only then that you felt a cold touch on your cheek, that you felt a heat over your lips just as you remembered.
And you could feel each subtle peck, each gentle touch, as if he was right there in front of you again. You fell into this moment slowly, drowning in the feeling of your husband as you always use to.
That evening, you were discovered limp with only a small grin upon your face. The soldiers whom found you recalled a peaceful aura in the air, something they could not put their finger on. Maybe it was scenery, maybe it was the breeze...or maybe it was your soul intertwining with your lost love as he welcomed you into a new light and drank you in once more yet…
Only in small doses.