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KelaLewis-Morin — Happy New Year.
Published: 2014-01-02 19:25:35 +0000 UTC; Views: 1657; Favourites: 26; Downloads: 0
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Happy New Year.Here’s a toast to the New Year.
Filled with new fears.
Accompanied by new peers.
Drizzled with new tears.
CHEERS
Here’s a toast to a new chapter.
The unravelling of a new wrapper.
A host of new delusions of grandeur.
Thousands of statuses lacking grammar.
CHEERS
Here’s a toast to a new age.
Riddled with new battles to engage.
New insecure feelings to be conveyed.
Accumulating new debts that need to be paid.
CHEERS
So let us raise our glasses.
While we shake our alcohol induced asses.
With our dancing shoes battering the carpet.
Let’s sit back and watch how quick time passes.
With the memories of our dearly departed.
As we willingly buy into all what this farce is.
For another new year has just now started.
Kela Lewis-Morin.
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Comments: 7
I will be critiquing this piece on behalf of
Firstly, thank you for your patience with us. I know this piece has been in the folder for a number of years now and your style might have changed/evolved.
Now, the crit:
ST = Stanza
It seems fitting that I am critiquing this now, as we have in fact just ushered in another new year.
A few points:
1) Rhyme:
You rhyme well within this piece. Rhyme is inherently difficult to accomplish, and you have accomplished it, for the most part, spot on. You have a variety of types of rhyme within this, though it's all end rhyme. Maybe consider rhyming within the line or rhyming middle lines with each other? It just varies things for the reader to process. I particularly liked the rhyming of 'farce is' in the final ST, as this is not really true rhyme but it still works.
2) Flow and Punctuation:
Because of the good rhyme and meter this piece flows very well. You could have it flow even better by changing your punctuation around a bit though, as at the moment each line ends with a period and is thus very static. Maybe consider adding in some commas or enjambment.
Overall:
I really liked the theme here and you bring it across well. Well done on the rhyme too.
Hope this helps,
Jo
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Hi! I am critiquing this on the behalf of
I LOVE this piece and completely sympathize. This is how I feel every year, which makes the New Year celebrations particularly painful. I also feel that this is an apt poem for 2014, because God has it been a shitty year. Haha. Over all I really like this poem. i think the rhythm is well done and I like the rhymes. You have really nice word chose and it has a very comical feeling to it, but I also think you capture the absurdity of thinking that things will change just because another year has started. Overall I really enjoyed this poem.
Now, that being said, I only have one suggestion. The last paragraph does not match the rhyming pattern you established throughout the rest of the poem and it feels a little out of place and a little jarring. Also the all in the second to last second seems a little weird to my ear. I'm not even sure you need the all if truth be told.
All in all this is a great piece. Keep up the good work!
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Very modern and slightly comical. Well done.
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Happy New Year! Wishing you the best with your writing. I'm sure this new year will have plenty of good stuff in store for you.
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