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Chapter 3 – Confessions

Ayame opened her eyes and stared blankly upwards, disoriented.  Where was she?  She remembered going out after Kouga, fighting him.  Her head reeled as she sat upright and she collapsed back to the ground.

“Baka. Go back to sleep.”

Head still spinning she looked over to the source of the voice.  Kouga sat nearby, tending to a small fire.  His long black hair hung loose in a wet, tangled mass on his naked back.  Feeling a draft, she looked down to find her armor and leggings gone, lying in a pile with his opposite the fire.  She was clad only in her chest bindings and her skirt, and those were both soaking wet.  She shivered and rolled onto her side to face the fire and blearily surveyed their surroundings.

They were in some sort of burrow, barely more than a large hole dug deep into the ground.  A tangled network of thick roots twisted about the earthy ceiling and walls, buttressing their shelter.  A tunnel sloped gently upwards towards the entrance. The sound of the river echoed distantly from outside.

“Where are we?” she murmured, her voice a rough croak.  How much water had she swallowed?  One pale hand rose to her throat and stiffened as her fingers encountered the large swollen welt made by the clasp of her cape.  It ran in a neat line from one side of her neck to the other and was slightly wet.

“You tell me,” Kouga snapped, dark eyes glinting in the firelight.  “You’re the one who got us into this mess, baka.”

She bristled at the insult, shakily pushing herself up onto one elbow to glare at him.  “You’re the one who started all this, Kouga.  How cowardly of you to pick on a child!”

His lips pulled back from his teeth in a grimace, the firelight flickering off of the two sharp points of his fangs.  He felt a sort of grim amazement that she had been able to peg down his problems so quickly and with such painful accuracy.  Not to mention her brazen physical attack on him earlier.  His arms still ached from the beating they had sustained while blocking her blows.  He couldn’t believe that she had continued to fight him even after they had been thrown into the river.  Even after her cape had caught on the branch and she was simultaneously drowning and being strangled to death she had still clawed at him as he fought against the current to help her.

Her persistence never failed to amaze him.  When she had been a child she had followed him whenever he visited, insisting that he train her to be as fast and as good a fighter as he was.  Years later she had come after him to remind him of a promise he had made to her during one of those late night training sessions.  Her determination in that manner had been an annoyance then, and he had vehemently denied her claims in hopes of turning her away.

She had been right, though: he had promised to make her his wife.  The memory was dim in his mind, but there none the less.  His rebuttals had stung her, but she had doggedly pursued him, trying to convince him of the truth no matter what it took.  And just as she was right then, she was right now.

He was a coward.  Lowly and utterly despicable he was, shouting at children and even lashing out at her when she confronted him with the ugly truth.  He stared at her, at those large green eyes that burned angrily into his.  Other than Ginta and Hakkaku and the tribal elder, she was the only other wolf youkai left alive who could claim any sort of familiarity with him.  To be ignored by her when he returned and then to hear her utter the word “coward” in reference to him had lodged a cold spike of pain deep in his heart.

“If you don’t have anything to say for yourself then I’m leaving.  Unlike you I have something important to go back to.”  Ayame shakily pushed herself to her feet and, leaning on the wall of the burrow for support, took several wavering steps up the tunnel.  Instantly she regretted the movement.  Her stomach gave a nauseating twist and her vision began to blur into duplicate, then triplicate.

“Ayame!”  Kouga rose to his feet as she sank to hands and knees.  She retched and he placed a gentle hand on her back and smoothed back her hair as she vomited up a great amount of water onto the packed dirt floor.  He rubbed her back as her chest heaved again and again.  With a whimper she sat back on her heels, leaning into him for support.

“Idiot.  I told you stay put,” he murmured halfheartedly.  She groaned and collapsed against him.  With a sigh he tipped her back, slid an arm beneath her crooked knees, and lifted her up into his arms.  He carried her over to the far side of the little cave and set her down gently.  After tending to the fire and covering up the vomit with dirt to reduce the acrid smell, he checked on their clothing.  No good.  Everything was still soaking wet.

Kouga shivered in the draft that was leaking down the tunnel from the cool autumn night.  He glanced uneasily at Ayame’s still form.  Normally he wouldn’t hesitate to snuggle up to a comrade to sleep.  When he had been on the run with Ginta and Hakkaku, they had often curled up next to each other on cold nights.  It was a natural thing for any wolf, youkai or not, to do. But something told him that to lie down next to Ayame would only open the door for more trouble.

Cool air streamed through into the burrow, making the fire sputter and forcing him to make a decision.  Her skin was smooth and cool to the touch as he sat down cross-legged against the wall and pulled her into his lap.  Her weight was strangely pleasant, and he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her more firmly against him.  Already he was beginning to warm up, now all he had to do was find a more comfortable position against the wall.

“So you really don’t remember, do you?”

Kouga sighed in annoyance and squeezed at the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger.  “Why are you bringing this up now?” he asked wearily.

She stirred slightly in his arms.  “I don’t know.  It just keeps bothering me.”

“Me too,” came his sarcastic response.

This time it was Ayame who sighed.  “What are you going to do tomorrow?”

“Besides sleep since you won’t shut up?”  He jumped as a sharp pain shot up one of his sides.  He looked down to find her fingernails pinching a small fold of skin on the side of his ribcage.  He gazed at the fire. “I don’t know what I’m going to do, Ayame.”

She released him, palm resting lightly against his chest.  “Will you go after Kagome?”

“No.”

She pulled away and shot him a quizzical look.  “Why not?”

He shrugged his shoulders, stubbornly refusing to meet her eyes.  She lightly gripped his chin and forced him to look at her.  Surprisingly he complied, gazing resignedly at her before grabbing her hand and pulling it from his face.  The action made her suddenly very aware of just how close they were and she flushed and dropped her head to his shoulder.  Heat radiated in thick waves from his skin, and she inhaled deeply.  Ah, that strong, musky scent of his.  It reminded her of her childhood and of those happy times they had spent together.

“Human women are too weak,” he suddenly blurted.  “They age too quickly.”  Absentmindedly he began to knead at her fingers, thumb rubbing lightly over the thick calluses on her palm.  At her derisive snort he quickly added, “And I have no desire to sire a pack of hanyou brats.”

“You have your pick of the remaining females here.  All of them find you quite charming,” she responded, the slightest tone of bitterness in her voice. She pursed her lips into a pout and curled her fingers around his thumb, stopping its restless movements.  “Besides, as long as you continue the bloodline, you have complete freedom of choice.  No rules or promises bar you from doing what you want.”

Kouga winced at those last words.  He pulled his hand from her grip and rested his chin on the top of her head.

“I never imagined that I would be coming back here,” he said softly.

“Nani?”

“Naraku.  He was so…so unbelievably strong.  And he just kept getting stronger and stronger.”  He stared fixedly into the fire, remembering.  “But I couldn’t stop myself.  I had to keep going.  Had to avenge my pack.”

Ayame stiffened as the meaning of his words sunk in to her mind.  She pushed herself back so that she could look at him.  His eyes were dull and filled with shame.

“You were planning on being killed?”  He looked away and nodded slowly, embarrassed.

“I never forgot, Ayame.”  A chill ran up her spine and distantly she sensed her heartbeat skipping.

“What are you talking about?” she replied dully.

“The rainbow moon.  I remember.”

Tears pricked at her eyes and her pulse pounded loudly in her ears.  Slowly she balled her hands into fists.  He didn’t flinch when she hammered them into his chest.

“Why?”  She sniffled, hot tears spilling over her cheeks.  “Why did you lie to me, Kouga?”  She beat at him again in emphasis.

“I wanted you to go back home.”

“So I wouldn’t get in your way with the human?”  Lower lip trembling, eyes brimming with tears, she slowly shook her head at him.

“No,” he replied, grabbing both of her wrists firmly before she could pummel him again.  She struggled to free herself and he jerked her forward and kissed her firmly on the mouth.