Comments: 26
Frizelle [2012-04-25 13:19:37 +0000 UTC]
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
Hi Kev,
Since your latest journal mentioned you didn't get a critique for this I thought I'd give my two cents. Don't worry, I'll not 'rip it a new asshole' as that falls out of the category of 'constructive criticism'. Hope you find it helpful
Positive points:
You are attempting to draw things three dimensionally, in other words there are folds/creases in the clothing, parts like the man's 'collar' has the 3-d perspective, and the ropes and her boot straps are obviously sitting over the item underneath them. In saying that, the creases and fold are fairly nonsensical, some more study of how clothing sits on a body is needed.
There is a sense of 'weight' to the piece, Sakura is clearly sitting on top of the man and the shadowing underneath makes sense. The placement of shading over all is good.
Little touches like the graff drips 'pooling' on the ground show good observation as well as the drip of blood following the contours of the man's face.
Good use of triangle composition.
Expressions are good, her nonchalance and his pain.
Negative points:
First off, I'm personally not a fan of dropped in backgrounds, it feels 'stiff'. I'm terrible for not putting backgrounds in a lot of my own work so kudos for doing it in the first place, (and when I started using PS I was guilty of doing this very same thing) but perhaps draw it by hand yourself if you redo this piece. Also over all the characters get kinda lost beside the strong colours in the background, Sakura has a lot of pink in her outfit so maybe find a more contrasting colour for the bg so that she 'pops' more.
I think you should check out a few hair colouring tutorials, there are some great ones here on DA. There's just no real sense of understanding of where the light should highlight the hair and where it should be darker. Perspective on the hair tie is slightly off and the positioning of the goggles compared to a side profile seems slightly off.
Anatomy, the man's is quite good, though his boots need work. Sakura's torso seems slightly too short (and there's a slight trick of the eye, I think maybe not helped by the watermark position and the dark bg, that looks like her side is missing, I had to look closely to find her torso). The angle of her right foot looks wrong, perhaps her toes could point inwards resting on the man's shoulder plate. Perspective on the right forearm isn't successful imo. The gun perspective is a little off too. The descriptive lines in her ear don't make sense, more thought needs to be put into where they go.
The over all linework is a little 'scratchy' for my taste.
Finally I think the dog is too in the foreground. If he's head is tugging on the moustache his feet should be at the same level as the bottom of the man's head, or positioned in a three quarter view with his rump to the viewer.
The star ratings I've give are becasue:
Originality: it's extremely hard for anyone to be truly original and make their own definitive style in the world on manga.
Technique: for reasons stated above.
Impact: It could be as simple as making a contrasting background colour for this piece to 'pop' more.
Great job on this piece, and I hope you accept my opinion on it and find something helpful in what I've said.
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KickStartDesigns In reply to Frizelle [2012-04-25 13:35:43 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for that.
Much more positive than the last on I got....
..I've started on a rough sketch of it now, looking to be more promising than before...
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Frizelle In reply to KickStartDesigns [2012-04-25 16:35:01 +0000 UTC]
Hmmm some people don't understand the meaning of 'constructive criticism', it doesn't have to necessarily be all negative!
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kevin-is-dead In reply to Frizelle [2012-04-28 21:23:21 +0000 UTC]
i understand you were trying to be nice but sometimes its best if you dont. thats the only way some people learn.
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Frizelle In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-28 21:38:45 +0000 UTC]
Each to their own dude, being honest is one thing, being rude is a whole other ball game.
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kevin-is-dead In reply to Frizelle [2012-04-29 00:06:31 +0000 UTC]
i was just bein honest dood. thats how the world is. especially if this guy had actually gone to art school he would know that. i think i was very fair in my critique, as did my associates in art school.
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Frizelle In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-29 08:35:57 +0000 UTC]
I can't comment on your critique as I've not read it, so if you think it was fair that's your opinion. Your approach in the comments section came across as juvenile. Honesty doesn't have to be brutal, there are ways to get your point across without being insulting.
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Frizelle In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-30 20:28:57 +0000 UTC]
Reading it through it seems we've made a lot of the same observations, just phrased differently. Therefore, I agree with the bulk of what you said, in saying that, I don't agree with how you said it.(capitals?)
Spoonful of sugar and all that.
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kevin-is-dead [2012-04-22 16:27:11 +0000 UTC]
Overall
Vision
Originality
Technique
Impact
Firstly, lets talk about composition: not terrible, it's split nicely with a logo taking up 30% and the figures 70%.
Next...the figures do not even resemble people, I'm aware its in an anime style but it looks as if you didn't even use any kind of reference. The angles are by so much, the arm does not look like it is being foreshortened. Her arm looks like its been mangled and bent, wrists cannot bend that far down. It doesn't look like she is sitting on top of him but instead as if she's falling off his back, not to mention her legs do not look like legs at all. Where is that stick coming from? Straight out of her back? Her head is facing sideways but the goggles are at a 3/4 view on her forehead. Also we as the viewer have no idea what is going on with the gun, it is not detailed to understand, why is there a balloon? That paper is not at the right perspective and with the tangent line on his shoes, it doesn't sit well in the composition. ALSO WHY IS THE MIDDLE OF HER TORSO BRICKS.
His anatomy is better, though he is not interacting anything. his face would be against the ground and if he is being bitten by a dog you'd see some other things going on. I get that she's bored with her facial expression but his is confusing almost; wouldn't he be yelling or something? And the dog does not resemble a dog, it resembles a stuffed toy animal that has come to life.
Next, the actual technical work. The line-work itself its so shaky and inconsistent. Some areas literally look sketched. The lines don't follow the form of the people either. His pants look like rubber tubing and his feet just look like spaceman boots.
The shading is too soft as if it were airbrushed, and the values look very different on the girl vs the guy. For hard shadows use a hard brush, soft shadows use a soft brush. I like that you tried to use textures in your actual panting technique, but if you're going to use them you've got to understand the texture first. Hair does not have a hard edge and a soft inside. And if you're going to use actual stock textures in your work, make sure it adds to you art style because the texture on the ground and on the bricks is clearly not something you came up with, it doesn't resemble what you've drawn at all.
The logo on the left does not sit on that wall, it looks like a design element that is not part of the actual image, and I don't think that's what you were going for.
The colors are very uninteresting and, frankly, obnoxious. Even if they were to serve a purpose, better colors could have been chosen for the background at least because you can miss the fact that she's blowing a bubble at a quick glance.
Hopefully this has been helpful. Draw, redraw, then redraw again. Never settle for any mistake you've made in your work.
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kevin-is-dead In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-23 07:23:48 +0000 UTC]
Regarding the anatomy n whatnot...you can call it stylization but some things were just wrong man. Like, even if you do like how its drawn, if 9/10 people say it looks wrong you should probably change it (and I did show it to people and asked if they thought the figures positioning made sense). And I'm not even talking about the characters, I'm talking about the figures arms and legs n stuff.
Secondly, pink and black is colorful. and I was talking about changing the bg to a diff color to set it apart from the characters, it blends in with aspects of the girl that you want to point out so making it pink n black isn't helping you.
And I'm telling you to redraw because someone has to. I don't care if it makes you feel like you're back in class. I'm not even out of art school and if I can criticize than you should feel like something is wrong.
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KickStartDesigns In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-23 18:27:38 +0000 UTC]
Looks like we're just going to have to Agree to Disagree.
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KickStartDesigns In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-22 17:53:56 +0000 UTC]
To be honest, I like hearing peoples opinions about my drawing, and I am open to them. I looked at you critique and although some of your points are right, but I have to point out some of the one that (well not offend) but through me off.
For the anatomy, if this the case you would have noticed this in my other drawings. This my style that I use, It is not meant to be realistic, this make the character more noticeable. My lecture, when I was in college, said the exact same thing, but has understood why I draw in this style.
The color was always going to end up being Pink and Black. I didn't want it to be to colorful (Such as more then five colors).
The bounties expression meant to be like that, he trying to figures out how the hell he got like this, and also I don't think he would start yelling get people to notice that he was being beaten up by a girl
The Dog.... again NO REAL....
Not making a big deal about the lines, but everyone has there own style of Techniques, that makes there are stand out and feel more comfortable with. Looking at your work, you really put a lot into your pieces. The same with me, but I also go with time. I'm more of a concept artist myself.
As for the rest, Hard/Soft Shadows, Draw and Re-draw, Please Do Not Lecture Me On Those Topics Again, felt like I as back in class.
But, I do say you are right about the textures. Still 2nd place in an Art Competition, it was local but still.
Sorry for the delay on the response, Proof readin' is a B**ch
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kevin-is-dead In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-22 16:48:31 +0000 UTC]
no problemo, hope it helped. may i ask what wasn't fair or accurate?
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KickStartDesigns In reply to kevin-is-dead [2012-04-22 16:40:54 +0000 UTC]
I understand why you don't like this drawing and I am not going make a big deal about, but I'm not going to "Fair" this critique nor am I going to delete it, this will be keep in my Feedback's. I'm also going to keep this piece (for portfolio use), but I might do a revamp of this piece in the future, just as a before and after thing.
I'm also working on a plot for this character, so I'm new Characters and at setting (City or Town).I have a few concepts done up, but not perfect yet.
Thanks for the critique....
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KickStartDesigns In reply to Pentaro22 [2012-04-22 22:21:05 +0000 UTC]
Thanks for the comment.
Yes, I'm going to build on this character and universe. I am going to do a better version later on.
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kevin-is-dead [2012-04-21 12:57:00 +0000 UTC]
oh boy...do you really want a critique...? cause i could tear this piece a new asshole
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kevin-is-dead In reply to KickStartDesigns [2012-04-22 14:59:51 +0000 UTC]
just askin, mate. i could give a good critique of this...but it wouldnt be too pleasant. tho im not tryin to start a fight, sometimes ya just need someone to tell you something looks like crap to become a better artist....and i would be this person.
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