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Description
This world I know will never be like it was when I was young.
Never again, for innocence has past.

March 22nd. 2008:

I cling to myself in a failing attempt to stop the shaking.
A clench my eyes and jaw together even tighter.
I try to tell myself none of this is real.
My fingers are digging into my skin as I try to shut this feeling out.

My head starts to spin again as the whispers get louder.
I fall back onto my bed and the feeling starts again.
The feeling of hands, grabbing me, pulling me down.
I'm already laying but it seems they want me even farther down.

I lay on my side and curl into a ball.
I cling to myself as tight as I can.
I feel warm blood trickle down my arms.
I look at my hands but nothing is there.

That was one of my biggest mistakes.
I opened my eyes. Crap I think to myself.
Then I see them.
The things that aren't really there but feel even more real then me.

They are dark shadows.
Screaming faces.
Coming closer.
Closer,
Closer,
God save me
I whisper to myself.

I close my eyes but I can still feel them.
Tears run down my face as I wish for sleep to take over.
But I know that sleep is still many hours away.
Many hours of this torture away.

I start to laugh.
The laugh of a broken girl.
I start to think maybe I've lost it.
Maybe?! They ask.
You lost it long ago.
Now all you can do is keep on a mask so other won't know.
You try to cover yourself up so no one can see.
But it comes through. The true you comes out.

I giggle even more.
But soon I scare myself.
How broken have I become? I ask myself.
Then the tears return.

This isn't the real me!! I scream in my head.
This can't be. This isn't me!!
I hear laughter.
More tears come.

Oh really? They ask.
This isn't the real you?
You're imagining things that aren't really there.
You're hearing things, feeling things that aren't there.
You see blood where there isn't any.
Death where there is life.
Shadows and demons where there is light.
You are crazy. You just lie to your friends and family.
Now you're lying to yourself.
You foolish, insane young girl.
You should just die. That would get rid of it all wouldn't it?
If you were dead you wouldn't hear, see, or feel things.
Never again.
If you were dead you could return to innocence.

The whispers fade to the background again.
After a while I am able to get up.
I walk to the closet and turn on the light.
I grab my poem book and start to write.

In bold scratchy letters I write out my demons.
As I calm down I write in my normal lettering.
I write, and write, and write.
After what feels like an hour I stop.

I put away my book. Turn off the light and close the door.
I lay back down and curl up in my covers.
They have finally left me for tonight.
While I know they'll be back soon enough I feel relieved I'll get sleep tonight.

I look at my clock.
5:30 am.
I sigh and pull the covers tighter around me.
Soon sleep takes over.

And for a few hours I return to dreamless innocence.

Description
This world I know will never be like it was when I was young.
Never again, for innocence has past.

March 22nd. 2008:

I cling to myself in a failing attempt to stop the shaking.
A clench my eyes and jaw together even tighter.
I try to tell myself none of this is real.
My fingers are digging into my skin as I try to shut this feeling out.

My head starts to spin again as the whispers get louder.
I fall back onto my bed and the feeling starts again.
The feeling of hands, grabbing me, pulling me down.
I'm already laying but it seems they want me even farther down.

I lay on my side and curl into a ball.
I cling to myself as tight as I can.
I feel warm blood trickle down my arms.
I look at my hands but nothing is there.

That was one of my biggest mistakes.
I opened my eyes. Crap I think to myself.
Then I see them.
The things that aren't really there but feel even more real then me.

They are dark shadows.
Screaming faces.
Coming closer.
Closer,
Closer,
God save me
I whisper to myself.

I close my eyes but I can still feel them.
Tears run down my face as I wish for sleep to take over.
But I know that sleep is still many hours away.
Many hours of this torture away.

I start to laugh.
The laugh of a broken girl.
I start to think maybe I've lost it.
Maybe?! They ask.
You lost it long ago.
Now all you can do is keep on a mask so other won't know.
You try to cover yourself up so no one can see.
But it comes through. The true you comes out.

I giggle even more.
But soon I scare myself.
How broken have I become? I ask myself.
Then the tears return.

This isn't the real me!! I scream in my head.
This can't be. This isn't me!!
I hear laughter.
More tears come.

Oh really? They ask.
This isn't the real you?
You're imagining things that aren't really there.
You're hearing things, feeling things that aren't there.
You see blood where there isn't any.
Death where there is life.
Shadows and demons where there is light.
You are crazy. You just lie to your friends and family.
Now you're lying to yourself.
You foolish, insane young girl.
You should just die. That would get rid of it all wouldn't it?
If you were dead you wouldn't hear, see, or feel things.
Never again.
If you were dead you could return to innocence.

The whispers fade to the background again.
After a while I am able to get up.
I walk to the closet and turn on the light.
I grab my poem book and start to write.

In bold scratchy letters I write out my demons.
As I calm down I write in my normal lettering.
I write, and write, and write.
After what feels like an hour I stop.

I put away my book. Turn off the light and close the door.
I lay back down and curl up in my covers.
They have finally left me for tonight.
While I know they'll be back soon enough I feel relieved I'll get sleep tonight.

I look at my clock.
5:30 am.
I sigh and pull the covers tighter around me.
Soon sleep takes over.

And for a few hours I return to dreamless innocence.