HOME | DD

Description
you say that you don’t understand
how i can just put myself out there,
tell people how i feel,
share my story,
say what i’m thinking.

but i think
that what you don’t realise,
is that usually my openness
is in itself a mask,
hiding behind yet another mask.

i’m layered
and i seem to open up all at once
but i’m just testing the water,
observing, watching,
judging reactions in the hope
that maybe,
just maybe,
i can trust people fully.

i’m still worried
that people would abandon me
if they only knew my story,
knew all of who i am.
so i’m testing myself,
testing the loyalty of others.
trying to show that what they think
doesn’t matter to me when really
it’s the exact opposite.

i put myself out there,
open up more than most,
but that’s not bravery.
if anything,
it’s just paranoia
at its finest.

Description
you say that you don’t understand
how i can just put myself out there,
tell people how i feel,
share my story,
say what i’m thinking.

but i think
that what you don’t realise,
is that usually my openness
is in itself a mask,
hiding behind yet another mask.

i’m layered
and i seem to open up all at once
but i’m just testing the water,
observing, watching,
judging reactions in the hope
that maybe,
just maybe,
i can trust people fully.

i’m still worried
that people would abandon me
if they only knew my story,
knew all of who i am.
so i’m testing myself,
testing the loyalty of others.
trying to show that what they think
doesn’t matter to me when really
it’s the exact opposite.

i put myself out there,
open up more than most,
but that’s not bravery.
if anything,
it’s just paranoia
at its finest.