HOME | DD

koolkjm — Earths Final Resistance 2 [NSFW]

Published: 2004-05-18 21:18:51 +0000 UTC; Views: 75; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 10
Redirect to original
Description EPISODE 2
IT BEGINS


    Colonie 117
  Command room
Mitchell speaking

"So Soon?" I yelled."They have sent out boarders" Boomed the loudspeaker. I ran to the commstation and picked up the microphone..." EVERYONE EVACUATE NOW!! GET TO YOUR STATIONS GUARDS!!" I ran outside to see crowds of people running towards the escape pods. The suthe were smarter than that....They fired plasma missles toward the pods. I turned away in horror. You could hear the screams of the thousands of people losing their lives. I turned back to see a bloody mess. There were bodies everywhere, adults, children, animals, blood was smeared all over the steel plate of the launch pad. Brain and organs were disenigrated and all i could do is watch. All of the solders ran over to me and handed me a plasma cannon. I began mowing down the aliens who were charging toward us. Every second 12 or 13 would go down...It seemed impossible. Then it hit me. All those years ago i could not control my power. Now i can. " SOLDERS!!!" " YES SIR!", they said in unison." TODAY MANY WILL DIE...WE WILL NOT BE AMONG THEM.....LETS MOVE OUT!!!", with a smile on my face i charged up my body and soul..."Come and get some fuckers"


   END OF EPISODE 2
Related content
Comments: 8

ibreakboys [2004-05-26 00:17:52 +0000 UTC]

its a good start. you definitely need to make your chapters longer. add more details to describe the action. use lots of details! make the reader picture the scene you're talking about. make them know enough to feel like they are there experiencing it for themselves instead of staring at a computer screen. lol.
its a very creative and interesting topic, you can do great things with it

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

koolkjm In reply to ibreakboys [2004-05-26 19:50:59 +0000 UTC]

thanks alot...I wanted to make the chapters short so i could do lots of them

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

NikiP [2004-05-21 19:54:31 +0000 UTC]

very definat but like i said you may benefit from a proper critique try a group called....onewordatatime..... [link] there ya go! note me when epi 3 comes out!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

koolkjm In reply to NikiP [2004-05-21 19:56:38 +0000 UTC]

will do!!!

👍: 0 ⏩: 0

Ringhearty [2004-05-19 20:46:09 +0000 UTC]

Ew bad picture lol but the story seems good I defiantly want to know more about these powers.

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

koolkjm In reply to Ringhearty [2004-05-19 20:56:53 +0000 UTC]

well i will be changeing the pic...I allready have it half done...The story on the other hand is gonna be a week till done and good...Thanks alot

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

Ringhearty In reply to koolkjm [2004-05-19 20:58:37 +0000 UTC]

Ops nah I didn't mean that picture lol I meant of the bodies scattered all over is a bad pic (Ya i am kind of a wuss o.0).

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

koolkjm In reply to Ringhearty [2004-05-19 21:20:11 +0000 UTC]

lol...Im still changeing it... Ya it is kinda gross

👍: 0 ⏩: 0