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KopaLeo — Lonely No More
Published: 2013-05-27 16:36:03 +0000 UTC; Views: 1632; Favourites: 24; Downloads: 4
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Description
zzz... I love you Pinkamena... zzz...After getting the commissioned Pinkamena plushie, Mia could finally enjoy some blissful undisturbed sleeps. With Pinkamena by her side, no troubling thoughts could scare her.
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Surprise! This is the first time I draw myself (or, if you prefer, my ponysona) happy! No tears; no bittersweet; just happiness. Pure, calm, peaceful happiness.
Oh Pinkamena, I love you... zzz...
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This is a continuation of Lonely Night
Extra reference: [link] [link] [link]
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Comments: 32
So cute<3 I have actually drawn Cosmia with your plushie...
But of course,I can't submit it here on DA to show you... T-T'''''
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Awww... Any prospect of getting a personal computer? I'm so happy that someone cares enough to draw my ponysona! <3 You'll always be welcome to request art from me.
Oh, as a side note, I tend to view "her" as "me", just a slightly different me in Equestria. So it's actually her plushie, since it's my plushie, and she is me, and...
The point was that I believe humans are quite incompatible with Equestria, so should I wish to live in it, I need to convert to a different life form, so I got my ponysona, and now I can meet Pinkamena for real! I'm stretching the boundary of reality, sure.
There was a controversial ponyfic called The Conversion Bureau, about human's total conversion into pony form. It generated so much hate, but I for one would go for conversion in a heartbeat.
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I would have to save up and get one...and when I do, I'll art bomb everyone with what I've been drawing all year cx That includes freaky aliens wearing underwear.
Of course! ^_^ She/you is/are very cute, it was fun to draw her, though she looks a little pouty...
I'm glad you think that humans do not belong in Equestria too, the whole idea just weirds me out. I don't think other ponies would like me if I were in Equestria as my pony form though, she's kinda looks freaky
I think Pinkamena would really like you, you can draw faces on balloons together and pretend they're people you don't like, and pop them with a knife!
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How did you lose your computer? Good luck with saving money. (Do you have income? You said that you are in a tech college.)
Good point, though I think we would prefer to mope around and share depressing insights about life together.
She is pouty, because I am pouty. Since a long time ago, I've been more sad and serious than happy and carefree. Also, optimists annoy me, that's why I love Pinkamena and dislike Pinkie Pie. [link]
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Oh, I never lost my computer...I never had one in the first place .^.'' My dad let me use his laptop because he barely ever used it, but it broke permanently -.-
Thank you~ I'm going to need it -.- I recive money for being in extra education (I study art+design) which is good, but I'm terrible at saving up...
I still get little surges of joy...but mostly with music and close friends making me laugh from time to time. I get both jealous and sad with optimists. I think my kind of sadness is a little more psychotic...so I'm kind of fine with Pinkie Pie.(Sorry about commenting a lot below your art by the way, I'm sure you'd rather be looking at compliments about it than an unrelated conversation ^^'')
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I have joy surges too, usually because of learning some utterly useless knowledge in math and science, say, "Alexander horned sphere". Making depressing art also makes me happy, in a really twisted way... [Insert evil laughter here.]
I think this conversation with you is the single most interesting feedback I got under this picture. I really appreciate that you took time to talk with me. It is not fun at all to see a picture showered with empty compliments like "very nice".
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Here you go, evil laughter~
I looked up that Alexander Horned Sphere...apparently it's infinite. I got a little giggle out of that.
I need to draw more depressing things...but I struggle to get my cluttered emotions down on paper.
Thank you...I'm very glad to hear that. And you are very welcome,I've very much enjoyed discussing melancholy with you too. It's not often you come across someone willing to. And it's great that you talk as much as I do c:
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Thank you...I'm very glad to hear that. And you are very welcome,I've very much enjoyed discussing melancholy with you too. It's not often to come across someone willing to. And it's great that you talk as much as I do.
I just copypasted that paragraph, because your feels about this happens completely reciprocal: I can say the exact same words.
I think you can use more free, undisturbed times. Psychological research shows that there is a state called "flow" that is important in doing great work. A flow can be entered only by continuous concentration for over 15 min, and any interruption stops the flow.
You can try to concentrate on sorting out the cluttered depression, and they should take shape slowly. I used to spend a lot of time (even during classes) writing down my millions of snippets of depressing thoughts in a logical and coherent manner and collected them in my notebooks. This helped me a lot in defining a logical and consistently depressing outlook of the many aspects of life.
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Yay! And so I've gained yet another friend...
Thanks for the advice, I tried it out just last night and wrote down a lot of words over some doodles(I can never do anything too neat,since my head is very messy... ) and then drew something personal right after. It helped a lot c:I actually doodled pretty much non-stop in high school...They weren't that good, but it meant I was constantly getting out emotions,which was good for me. Classes were waay too boring and annoying for me to stay focused for long(I think I have a childish mindset or something)
Sorry for taking so long to reply, I've been feeling very sick and fatigued all this week...could barely even talk to anyone properly.
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Woa there Light Yogami, don't abuse your PonyNote power. [link]
I'm obsessive about being logical, like Twilight. I usually started writing when I caught a fleeting depressing thought, put that thought down as the first sentence, and expand that into a small memo. The main interest of mine was to piece together every piece of depressing thought to find the big picture, my underlying theory about life and the world in general. It worked well for a while, until I got too caught up with my studies.
I'd love to see your doodles submitted. Like this [link]
No worries. Even though I've been waiting all week for your reply, I understand that it's your decision to reply or not. In fact, I'm just in the middle of a similar condition. I'm supposed to write an essay for college now but I just keep procrastinating. Watching ponies can make me happy... until the point when I suddenly realize that I live on Earth. I'm also feeling tired all day (despite getting plenty of sleep), and didn't want to do anything, and don't quite want to eat at all. (I actually kind of enjoy the feeling of hunger.) The only "productive" thing I did is aimless online reading about programming. Ugh, sometimes I want to fall into a coma, hoping that when I wake up, everything will be magically "fixed".
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Oh my goodness, damn it Light, he's at it again heheheh.That was L I showed, though c: I recognized Cowboy Bebop and Ouran High School Host as well, that was very cool.
I think that's the best way to deal with it, actually, to write it down as soon as it starts...because when you try to suppress it (Like I did for so long), the stress will slowly rot your mind and body. I get actual headaches just from thinking too much, it doesn't feel nice at all. I think after all this time,my mind got so tired of thinking and worrying, which is why I'm a little 'dreamy'.
Ah! Those look like some fun doodles, I love Twilight's expression, reminds me of this:
I'm very sorry again to keep you waiting...I assure you I read every word of the other comment~
It sounds like you're having the same troubles as I am. I really want to try to pass my art assignments, but I'm faaar too tired to do any work. Hunger can be good for making the brain too tired to worry about stuff...but I love sweet things too much. I'm at a healthy weight for my age, though I do like my candy. I often forget to eat when staying too long at college or getting caught up in drawing. Ahhhhg...I know how you feel...it'd be great for everything to be good and fixed...and for people to stop staring at me >_>
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Just a side note: one of my favorite mind game is to tell myself: "Your plane is probably going to crash soon. Use your remaining life wisely."
For dramatic effects: get an alarm clock and set it to 3-5 minutes.
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Awesome! It seems my free-writing technique works on you too! I know the feeling of "dreamy". Once I was stuck in a boring meeting, so I started to do big multiplication in my mind: 30^3=27000 31^3=29791 32^3=32768 33^3=35957 ... When the meeting was over I felt all hazy and things look unreal and foggy. I knew it was the feeling of "extreme mind muscle fatigue", which happens a lot when I think too hard about math, physics, philosophy or some depressing difficulties of life.
I like the feeling of hunger and coldness, for no apparent reason.
Besides depressing thought writing, I also like to think a lot about death, MY death, in all details. What I should think about before brain shuts down; what "famous last words" to use ("For science!" or "Oh, my, Celestia." or "So glad I only need to die once." etc); most importantly, what instructions I should leave behind! Yup, I have an interest in writing living wills. It's very good for putting my life into perspective. The will contains boring entries like "Give Math Books to Friend A" "Donate my Savings to Born Free Foundation" "Give Tablet to Friend B" "Burn my diaries and other personal writings", but also more important ones like
"DO NOT FOOL YOURSELVES!!! I'M NOT 'IN A BETTER PLACE', OR 'RESTING IN PEACE'! I'M DEAD! GET IT? D-E-A-D, DEAD. Dead people don't go to heaven; they are taken to a special room and burnt."
"Spray my ashes on Serengeti, under an acacia tree, where the lions roam." (I used to be a huge fan of Lion King.)
"You may not want to think so, but you will not 'remember me forever.' No, you'll get over this very soon. Don't feel bad though: After you die, people will get over it in less than no time, just like you did. NO, ONE, CARES. No one in this world is so important that the Earth will stop turning without her/him."
I remember getting hit hard back in 2010 when I heard about ~Simbamarasa 's death. Despite never knowing her personally, I told myself that I'd remember her. A year after that, I wrote a memorial. Two years after that, I remembered, yet didn't bother write any memorial (I wrote a depression memo instead, noting how people forget or stop caring about you after you die). Now, 2.5 years later, you know what? I don't care at all.
I once asked me in a depression memo: Who will remember me after I die? Answer:
Within a few days: every admirer (turns out I have a bunch of admirers for my science talent), friend (I have less than 3), and close relative vows to keep some memory of me.
After a month: My friends will remember me roughly once per day, probably still somewhat saddened. Parents are still hit hard.
After more than a year: My friends will remember me very occasionally, and have long got used to my death. Parents are probably recovering well.
After a few years: Parents still remember me a few times a week.
After parents have died: ERROR 404: Person not found.
It's a personal edition of "Life After Us" (BTW, LAU is a great documentary! [link] , and it is almost nihilistic, yet I've made myself to face it, accept it, live with that knowledge, and die with that knowledge.
"stop staring at me >_>" You sound like Fluttershy. Fluttershy is my second favorite pony, first being Twilight. I also ship Twishy.
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''Extreme mind muscle fatigue''...so that annoying sensation finally has a name. Daydreaming is great for escaping boring stuff, I even do it mid-conversation and as I'm walking.
By the way...remember when I said that I get joy surges? Sometimes I get WAY too happy for a brief moment, almost maniacal. It's a lot like this in my head: [link]
That all sounds brilliant...you must have spend a great deal thinking it over. I think about my death, and what will happen afterwards sometimes, but not as in depth (I guess I get distracted easily). I've never thought about if I would say something as I died...but if I had to, I'd probably say ''I'm sorry''. Ha, like I'm not sorry for everything already. I'm mostly worried about where everything I've drawn will end up...I hate the thought of it all being thrown out like junk. I would also like to be burned...I don't like the thought of rotting away and becoming horribly withered looking, and that my soul will also be trapped in my dead body. I'm not sure about my ashes...I'll have to think about something. Oh! The inert gas asphyxia you mentioned before is exactly the kind of way I was searching to die...painlessly and like falling asleep. I've also never fainted before, so it might be fun. Thanks for telling me about it
You are so right about that...it may sound harsh to other people, but it's true, deaths are overcome eventually. I think my dad would grieve the most if I were to go...and I don't think he'd ever get over it. He's just that kind of man, I guess, and it's just me and him now. So I think I should wait until after he...
Ahem, so, that video...I have sometimes looked out of my window and wondered about all of these buildings and structures. I often talk to myself, and I think I once said something like: ''These man-made structures...they will never last. Nature will outgrow you...your hollow buildings, taken over by plants, will become home for the animals you treated so badly. Then, when it all eventually crumbles away, Nature will go on...earth will be better.''
Heheh...I'll take that as a huge compliment ^_^ Twishy is a nice shipping...I think Twilight is the only one Fluttershy would trust that well. Why am I now tempted to draw you some Twishy? I know I can't upload it, but...eh...any reason to draw something gay, I guess<3 Oh, I'm really glad you are not homophobic, by the way~
I've actually thought of Trixieshy before, for some reason...I have this idea that Trixie felt forced to become arrogant to survive her teenage years, and knows how it feels to be insecure. Hm...it's just a thought...
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"I'm sorry." is not a bad choice actually, even if you have no apparent thing to be sorry about. It's kind of nice to dissolve into nothing while feeling that you have made a final attempt to be a nice person and you can die a bit less anxiously.
I want to be cremated, not because I don't want to be "trapped" (I don't believe in souls and other supernaturals), but because it is more environmentally-friendly. People use so much natural resources while alive, then go on using so much space to keep their decomposing corpses. I know I am quite wasteful (I use air-conditioner too much), but at least I can make sure that after I die I'll stop hogging natural resources.
I know. I also hate to think that all my art is going to die with me. That's why I added, in my living will, entries asking my friends to help me with uploading to dA all the art I leave behind, in the case of my untimely demise.
HUSH! Don't tell others that I told you about IGA! Assisting others in suicide, including giving information about suicide methods, is punishable by 14 years of prison in England! (There were laws in old Russia stating that suicide attempts were punishable by death. LOL.)
So... you are looking for a painless way to kill yourself too? Glad that I helped a fellow soul. Just be careful that fainting can be dangerous. Also, if you are going to do IGA, make sure that you won't be rescued in time, else you may receive serious brain damage. (Generally, being rescued during a suicide attempt often makes you worse off.)
I'm actually supporting Voluntary Human Extinction Movement ([link] ), a modest movement that politely ask (they only do totally peaceful things, like, setting up a hilariously insightful website, giving a few talks on television, and... that's it, no door-to-door preaching like Jehovah's Witness or things like that.) people to abstain from reproduction, and thus achieve human extinction. I know that this movement will never work, but I support it, because I hate the whole idea of marriage and reproduction anyway; I think platonic love is sufficient; also, I dislike the presence of humans on earth. It's calming for me to play a mind game: imagine the world after humans go extinct. It's a green world, just like before humans. There will still be suffering in the world ("Nature, red in tooth and claw"), but a lot less after humans are gone. No holocaust slaughter houses, milk slave factories, poultry concentration camps, roadside zoos... just to name a few. Dear Celestia, this makes me feel bad for being a human... Do you know that watching MLP made me a vegetarian more than a year ago? I just couldn't face Fluttershy if I kept eating her friends. Now I'm slowly going vegan.
Nah, I support LGBT movement. In fact I get all mushy around my best male friend. I'm probably bisexual I guess.
I have undertook a lot of searching about homosexuality in non-human animals, and it seems to be much more abundant than people are comfortable to admit.
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Thank you...it feels nice to be complimented on saying sorry rather than be scolded for once
Ah, that is a very good point, I'm very enthusiastic about recycling and trying to reduce waste...I don't like to throw things away, knowing that it'll end up in a huge heap of space-taking rubbish.
It's a really sad thing...that some the greatest artists of history were/are only really appreciated after they died,and most were treated like outcasts during their lifetime. Good luck with your art, and getting it all on DA~
Agh...woops. I can be a loudmouth at times, sorry ^.^'' If you want to, you can hide the comments here that have any mention of IGA, and I can do the same for some of our conversation under my journal...I don't want you to get into trouble on my behalf. I'll make sure that no one walks in, in fact it'd be rather easy for me, as I often have a lot of time on my own. Laying down and relaxing would be the best way...
Wow...I had no idea something like that even existed. I'm very against marriage and reproduction, too, and I dislike infants (In fact, the whole process of human reproduction terrifies and disgusts me to no end). I looooove platonic love, I think it's the best kind (gayness is great too). Too bad everyone just wants to get in each other's pants...ew *Shudder* -_-''
I love to watch animal documentaries, they ones with commentary and facts,in fact I think I must annoy people when I tell them about the things I've learned watching them XD'' Admittedly, even the 'tooth and claw' in nature, killing to survive, saddens me. I accept that it is necessary and as is the rule in nature: Only the strongest survive, and it is better than a human killing them. But I still don't like to see animals suffer...not after the bad experiences with dead animals in my life.
I applaud you for becoming vegetarian (and eventually vegan), I like to see dedication (even if that's something I struggle with ). I feel bad for every time I've ever consumed an animal...
Heheh, I'm very glad you do, for I think it's the most laughable thing for people to mock others for not being straight. I have to restrain myself if I hear someone using 'gay' as an insult, I just want to shout ''NO ONE USES THAT AS AN INSULT ANYMORE!'' Or ''Haha, you're straight!'' But I do not shout out to people...because -they- do that.
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For every talented artist that had lived to see his glory (no sexism here: I'm just reflecting the depressing fact that most famous artists are male), there are 10 equally talented that had died before that, and 1000 more talented ones that have sunk into oblivion forever. Recently I find art really a pain to do. I fear that maybe it's not what my cutie mark is telling me, but I feel an obligation to keep drawing.
Pfft, don't worry. I don't live in UK. That sentence I wrote was actually intended to be sarcastic, but I accidentally sounded a bit too serious. Besides, I cherish our heart-to-heart talk, and certainly won't want to see it gone...
Wait... so you actually don't freak out when I talk about detailed plans for suicide? I think I found a friend here. Thank you so much... This is beyond my expectations. (I guess all the social misfits can find their fellows on the Internet.)
It will be so easy. I just need to buy a can of Helium (I secretly have a personal account to buy stuffs.) and choose some night to hook everything up. My parents are so used to me staying up late, they won't suspect a thing... I'll lock the door for extra "safety" (lol terrible joke), then get comfortable and hug Pinkamena... I should stop now if I don't want to be sent to a psychiatric ward.
Aaaahh awesome I also hate the human infants oh so much. They are stupid, destructive, noisy... Scary, vile things! The whole idea of human reproduction is disgusting. I used to fight against it, now I just try to either avoid it, or discuss it in such a detached, emotionless, scientific manner and watch people laugh uncomfortably. After watching ponies, now I find human bodies repulsive (however, they look quite nice when dead and chopped up).
I remember Plato or some other philosopher saying that homosexual love is often purer than heterosexual love, because it can't be motivated by the breeding instinct. Plato's Symposium mentions women who "do not care for men, but have female attachments." Shakespeare said something similar [link] Also, fun fact: the word "lesbian" comes from the island Lesbos, where the great poet Sappho lived. She was famous for her lesbian poems (I like them quite a lot, and I don't even like poems that much).
I once tried to write a Twishy fanfic, but it got scrapped when I realized the horribleness of it. As it turned out, I could write suicide fanfics much better than shipping fanfics. I also ship Celestia and Luna but my Celestluna fanfic was also horrible.
Life is much suffering and little joy. To destroy all life is the ultimate mercy. I may sound like a supervillian, but I think you can understand.
You can go veggie too if you feel bad to eat animals. I fared well despite mother's scary stories about the dire health consequences of vegetarianism.
"But I do not shout out to people...because -they- do that." --Pent-up frustrations of depressed Fluttershy
I think every time you make a comment, there is one sentence that instantly stand out as being Fluttershy. I just read along, and suddenly a sentence was automatically read in Fluttershy's voice in my head
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I think I may have to ship this a little bit now...
I like this!! Mia needs to be happier more, she's so cute when she's happy
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Yay!! Go ahead shipping!! I'm going to do some myself anyway.
Yeah, even I was surprised how cute she looks when she is happy, having only seen her frown or cry or in angst before. I figured that two depressed ponies being together can help each other really well, much better than the random advice given by ordinary ponies, because they understand each other in a way "normal" ponies are incapable of. This is going to be such a sweet ship omgasdfgh
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YAY!! I think I shall call it "PinkaMia"..?
Yeah, two depressed ponies are much better than one, they help eachother and all that, just look at me and ~Coffeecolt132 , we're prefect for each other, in a kinda brother/sister way ^^
I WILL SINK WITH THIS SHIP MY DAYS
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"Pinkamia"? Awesome! It sounds like the "Mamma Mia". Catchy!
Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a Pin-ka-mi-a
I'm still wondering whether I should ship Cosmia with plushie Pinkamena or real Pinkamena. I think it would make more "sense" to ship her with plushie Pinkamena, but it is more fun to ship her with real Pinkamena. I'll go for real Pinkamena.
Shipping with Pinkamena makes me smile so much ahh.
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REAL PINKAMENAAA :3
I will draw Pinkamia one day I promise ^^
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Aww, that's so sweet! Pinkamena is finally happy!
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Actually, that's a plushie. Refer to this [link] .
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Oh, yeah, I saw that one. Great shading by the way. Now you've got lonely, sad Mia with lonely Pinkamena, and they make the greatest of a pair to cheer eachother up.
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Yeah. If you go through my gallery, you can see that Cosmia Nebula is usually depressed, sometimes dangerously so (after all, she is me). But now she is feeling a lot better (so am I).
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That's awesome. I love that you didn't let your depression get the better of you. I care a lot about others, whether I know them or not, so sorry if I'm sounding too nice. So, is your favorite pony Pinkie Pie then?
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Thank you. I don't understand about you saying about "sounding too nice": You definitely do not need to apologize for kindness (Fluttershy approves). I really appreciate this kind of spontaneous kindness; it make me less cynical temporarily.
My favorite pony used to be Twilight, but a recent change of heart made Pinkamena/depressed Pinkie Pie my favorite pony. I explained it in detail here, if you are curious. [link]
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Aw, ok. I'm not exactly sure how you're putting it, but I can tell that you seem to have some kind of bond with these characters. Unfortunately, I couldn't look at the picture because I just have a very sensitive mind.
I know you wouldn't want to tell too much or anything, so I won't barge into personal business. I'm glad you don't take my kindness in a wrong way. For some reason, I always feel like I'm offending others.
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