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kordelskin — Countdown
Published: 2014-05-31 01:47:53 +0000 UTC; Views: 272; Favourites: 9; Downloads: 0
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Description
1, 2, 3, 4,You're tapping at my door.
1, 2, 3, 4,
You hope to talk to me more.
5, 6, 7, 8,
You wish to tempt fate.
5, 6, 7, 8,
We sit in this fragile state.
8, 7, 6, 5,
For love is why we strive.
8, 7, 6, 5,
Through broken hearts, we survive.
4, 3, 2, 1,
This world has spun.
Life of love has begun.
And starts in 3... 2... 1...
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Comments: 11
I really like how you put in the numbers and rymed the words together, it makes the poem flow easily.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
if only the syllables match up better between lines
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i agree, it is something i want to come back to later.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I love the concept so much tho omg
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Imglad you do, I kinda think the scheme is a little off.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Um, it's interesting. I'm not sure what the point of it exactly is but I love the rhyme
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
i dont either, its something i plan on coming back to it and redo it later, and it is a scheme that i thought would be fun.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Okay, it's good I didn't offend you. You wanted feedback so I gave it
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Improvements will be made, and I can toll with the punches
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Good. I just wish sometimes people would give me punches on my stories
👍: 0 ⏩: 0