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L2Destini — masks

Published: 2004-12-05 15:53:52 +0000 UTC; Views: 120; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 9
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Description No...no...no...not today.
No, not that one...-this one.
It says, "Hey, it's all good,
there's nothing wrong here."

It seems to be working,
Everyone is smiling at me.
Naw, they don't know -they can't.
They don't know Mom and I,
That we had a fight and
How she hit me
Left a bruise on my left shoulder
And a cut on my neck
Where my hair can cover the mark.
People don't see the pain I hold.

No...No...No...Not today.
No, not that one...-this one.
It says, "He's gone now,
and I'm looking for someone new."

It seems to be working,
Everyone is inquiring as to how I did it.
Naw, they don't know -they can't.
They don't know him and I,
That he raped me and
How he loved it
Left me there free and naked
And my virginity is lost
Where I can't find it -to never return
People think I left him
But they don't see the pain I hold.

No...no...no...not today.
No, not that one -this one.
It says, "Everything is great,
life is beautiful!"

It seems to be working,
Everyone is calm, yet bubbly.
Naw, the don't know -they can't.
They don't know my dad,
That he shot himself and
How he fell instantly at my feet
Left me three to scream and wail
And my mom wasn’t even there
Where she was, only her and her partner know
People know nothing of the media -there is none
They don't see the pain I hold.

No...no...no...not today,
No, not that one -this one.
It says, "This is me with all my problems,
there's everything wrong here."
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Comments: 12

yami-no-shoujo [2005-02-24 04:40:34 +0000 UTC]

A very honest and straightforward poem. You have an excellent talent of telling stories with your poems, nyan. The repetitiveness... I like. Since you're telling different stories with each part its not really repetitive; its more like a way of enhancing the mood. If you were going on about the same topic and using the same lines over and over- that would be repetitive and would soon become tedious. But its not. The short, abrupt quality of the lines helps to convey a sort of shock factor in the poem- like, each line tries to emphasize the loneliness of the piece; the lines are as disconnected as the person's life.

All in all, an excellent piece! :3

The only small things I have with this poem is the 'Naw' in the 7th, 21st, and 36th lines. Its crucial in a poem to try to create an atmosphere early on so that the reader knows what you're trying to say. The slang, as small as it is, breaks the mood a little in the parts and doesn't make me take the character's feelings as seriously as if she were speaking solemnly. You mispelled some things near the end as well... but thats not intentional so I'll let it slip.

Wonderful poem, Miss Leanne!!

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Flipnot [2004-12-06 13:39:01 +0000 UTC]

: That's sooooooo sad..... I'm really sorry. All that is true?

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L2Destini In reply to Flipnot [2004-12-06 23:26:55 +0000 UTC]

no no, just the fact that I wear masks....and other things...thnx for the comment

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Flipnot In reply to L2Destini [2004-12-06 23:50:27 +0000 UTC]

oh *sigh*.

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Garnet-chan [2004-12-05 21:38:26 +0000 UTC]

gorgeus story line and another original style lovey!!!!....the repetative-ness adds to it dear...in other things i have seen it is not welcome but in this piece it is a wonderful touch...it adds to the franticness of this character....i luff eet!!!

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L2Destini In reply to Garnet-chan [2004-12-06 01:13:25 +0000 UTC]

I luff Cassidy! thanks for teh fav.!

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Garnet-chan In reply to L2Destini [2004-12-11 02:45:36 +0000 UTC]

mehehehehee

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fille-artistique [2004-12-05 16:07:08 +0000 UTC]

wow thats really sad but its very good

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L2Destini In reply to fille-artistique [2004-12-05 16:08:39 +0000 UTC]

yes, yes it is. Thanks a bundle for the comment though!

👍: 0 ⏩: 1

fille-artistique In reply to L2Destini [2004-12-05 16:10:20 +0000 UTC]

lol its okey dokey i wish ppl wud comment on mine! so i kno how it feels 2 get a nice one!

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L2Destini In reply to fille-artistique [2004-12-05 16:15:35 +0000 UTC]

I'll be RIGHT over!!!

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fille-artistique In reply to L2Destini [2004-12-05 16:55:21 +0000 UTC]

lol thanks

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