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lacesoutvicthe water
Published: 2013-05-29 04:14:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 2499; Favourites: 105; Downloads: 0
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Description i almost drowned a few years back that december.
you were making waves before i even hit the water
on a hill in hartford and elsewhere out east.
it's crazy to think we never would meet if it weren't for me
losing my cool and now i can't kick it, but fuck it.
it's as if it we're meant to be and you were meant for me;
both broken, we push it, and smile, and bullshit.

sometimes i skip rocks and she sings songs.

the tide turned sometime when you hit a different dialect,
a different tongue, my stomach turned, lines blurred,
i wanted to run or at least push myself into the pool.
sink or swim, crash and burn,
it's all the same, i live and learn,
but what's there to gain when the mistake isn't mine
and i'm still doing time staring at the water,
staring at the water,
staring at the water, i remember
i almost drowned a few years back.
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Comments: 20

brain-tree [2013-08-25 06:47:09 +0000 UTC]

Goddamned wonderful writing.  It takes a while for this to sink in fully, but in this case it's a wonderful thing.  I like the honest and simplistic tone in your diction.  Definitely watching you!

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lacesoutvic In reply to brain-tree [2013-09-01 20:24:35 +0000 UTC]

i appreciate it, thanks. i don't write too often but sometimes something good comes out haha.

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Patrikia-Bear [2013-07-01 05:21:07 +0000 UTC]

I love the images it puts in my brain... Like it's someone preparing to drown themselves in the sea and they're remembering how they were prevented last time.

Like they regretted that they let themselves be saved.

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Karinta [2013-07-01 03:22:57 +0000 UTC]

I love the simplistic at first yet deep feel of this poem. It's wonderful!

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TheGalleryOfEve [2013-07-01 01:00:12 +0000 UTC]

Congratulations on your well-deserved DD!!!

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anila73 [2013-06-30 23:45:02 +0000 UTC]

Feels.

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michaelaforbus [2013-06-30 22:12:11 +0000 UTC]

Fantastic piece. Congrats on the DD

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EyeAmLove [2013-06-30 22:11:26 +0000 UTC]

<3 this is my new obsession

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lollirotcat [2013-06-30 22:10:11 +0000 UTC]

I love this! congrats on the DD! ^_^

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Schneefuechsin [2013-06-30 20:12:07 +0000 UTC]

Congratulations on the DD!

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ThrashMetallix [2013-06-30 19:13:53 +0000 UTC]

Nice and brutal...

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the-chemical-factory [2013-06-30 17:55:37 +0000 UTC]

i love this, the flow is wonderful

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Chala101 [2013-06-30 17:14:41 +0000 UTC]

amazing...

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Rayckro [2013-06-30 16:28:38 +0000 UTC]

Congratulation on the Daily Deviation!

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harashe [2013-06-30 15:37:53 +0000 UTC]

I thought it was a song when I was reading it. It flows so well!

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TruthisTruth [2013-06-30 13:14:19 +0000 UTC]

Beautiful. I wish modern songs had lyrics like this.

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nosedivve [2013-06-30 09:23:36 +0000 UTC]

The flow of this is so lyrical-like. I bet this would make a lovely slam poem. Have you ever read it out loud?


I adore the repetition a the end and how you brought it back to the beginning. The punctuation is used so well here (many have problems with this) as well as the line breaks. This is truly a wonderful poem.


Congrats on the well-deserved DD feature.  

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lacesoutvic In reply to nosedivve [2013-07-01 22:34:17 +0000 UTC]

i actually had slam poetry on my mind, and that influenced the flow in this. i haven't performed it but i did read it out loud as i wrote it.

thanks for the kind words!

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nosedivve In reply to lacesoutvic [2013-07-01 22:35:45 +0000 UTC]

wow, that's really awesome!! you should preform it, if you want to of course.  

you're most welcome! 

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Lintu47 [2013-06-30 08:36:10 +0000 UTC]

    Congrats on the DD!
    Have a nice day!

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