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Lady-X — Forever Mine
Published: 2005-01-16 16:41:45 +0000 UTC; Views: 279; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 8
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Description
Every day, I wake up to the sun on my face againI lay in the warmth of my bed,
The covers pulled over my head
And I wonder – do I have to?
I coax my limbs to shift,
The covers are removed,
And the rush or cold air seems to soothe
My tired, aching muscles.
I spent so many days
Being the best I could,
To make an example of what she should
Appreciate in life.
It could have been the fights with mum,
The sibling rivalries or how I dress –
My baby sister will never guess
How much I feel I’ve failed.
I wake up every morning to the sun on my face again
Laying in the warmth of my bed
Knowing I’m alone in my head –
She’s selfish and unappreciative.
For that I am hurt,
Forever shamed with this boulder
This burden on my shoulder –
Painful and mundane; my burden - my life.
She’ll never understand how much I love her
Or how much I try to help her see,
There’s more to life than there appears to be.
Maybe one day, my burden will be relieved.
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Comments: 21
really good
i love the thought of picturing someone lieing in bed and not wanting to get out, i think its something we can all relate too
i especially like this line:
"And I wonder – do I have to?"
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the truth about this, is that i didn't awnt to write it. but when i started, i just began to write everything i felt about my younger sister - literally. and, after writing it, i didn't think it felt write, but i cried because it was just so much.
thanks for the comment, and the question was one of my favourite lines as well
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This is a beautiful poem. You write wonderfully.
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thank you 
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The rhythm throughout the piece feels almost like a sort of trudging momentum, which really helps to set and keep the tone of the piece, especially the idea of the inifintely repeating pointless task. Somehow it also balances the conflicting views/emotions that the character shows, giving the deviation in view the feel of natural progression of thought. Though I do agree with cool4dude, the end stanzas seem a bit too vague and convoluted and the thoughts aren't firmly established, feels a bit loose. But you've totally nailed what you're assignment asked of you, which is the main thing
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thanks for the comment, i really appreciate it. and yah, i know what you two mean, it didn't feel exactly perfect, but i figured, it's poetry, it's not supposed to feel exactly perfect to the poet
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yup, alarm bells should be ringing if you think a piece is perfect
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I like the first half, as it sticks to concreteness and imagery, but I think the latter part weakens, from "hurt" to the end. The absraction leads to a uncertainty, due to absraction being unclear (hurt like what for example? like getitng poked with a pen? like biting your tongue? like getting shot? like stubbing your toe? like having your flesh ripped off slowly?) anyways, the connection to sisyphus works out, and all in all, well done fangirl.
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thanks shaun ^_^ teacher liked it 
But I get what you mean - thank you
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Great work minion, sad, touching, and well written. 
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Very nice indeed.
Very emotional and very well structured, i don't see anything wrong with the last line myself. A definite thumbs up.
also
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I have to agree with april123...that is a damn good bab!
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WOW i love this piece!!!
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