HOME | DD
ladyr — Gaurdian Angel
Published: 2003-07-13 22:02:42 +0000 UTC; Views: 3720; Favourites: 33; Downloads: 1182
Redirect to original
Description
Clear blue eyesLifeless and empty
See what the world misses
The open wounds of a torn heart
Picked and prodded at
Flushed with salt water
And left to scar
The burning tears
Flowing freely down pale cheeks
Scorching the skin
Left to puddle
Shimmering cold hands
Try to save
What the world dismisses
A broken soul
So obviously lost
Left to stand vulnerable
In an uncaring cruel world
A shattered body
Ripped into pieces
Left for the scavengers
To tear at and destroy
Calming gentle voice
To comfort the one
The world forgot
Related content
Comments: 68
"Calming gentle voice
To comfort the one
The world forgot"
My favorite line. Faved.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
^_^ thank you.. I am so glad you like it. Haven't written in a long time.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
wow.
its so beautiful. its like scene out of a dream... something like a light in the darkness. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Uh... I picture is the preview for my poem. That's not even my photo. I found it on google.
But thank you?
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
oh really? i didnt realize that. i thought you submitted a photography. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
I liked the poem a lot. However i would consider spelling the title right as people have pointed out.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you for the comment and the suggestion, but again I will have to turn it down. I had the title kept that way for reasons of my own..and now it's been there so long it's part of the whole mix.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I love the form you have for this. The bolded stanzas three lines, and the others only four.
It's great for rhythm.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Thank you Jason. 
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
And btw welcome to DA.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I like this part:
"A broken soul
So obviously lost
Left to stand vulnerable
In an uncaring cruel world"
This is very depressing and emotional. I'm not good at commenting poetry and line art, sorry.
I just can tell you, it is as sad as beautiful...
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
its cool that you feel you don't comment well...I write poetry but I cant understand other peoples for anything and so I cant comment on it either. Thank you though for taking time to comment on mine.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
ilike how you expressivly go from one image to the next and tie them all together in some way.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you... and thank you for the fav.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Oh, crap, you intended that on the poetry, didn't you. >_> I missed the poetry entirely. Allow me now to critique THAT. (I'm so sorry!)
First thing I noticed: Poem is very gothy. If I were a mean person, I'd subtract points. But I feel like that sometimes, too, like the subject of the poem does. So I won't.
Two, while you're reading the piece, you really get into the flow of it. It rather lulls you along, and while the content matter is rather dark, the tone is not melodramatic.
I'm even worse with poetry than I am with photography. But I'll right-out and say that while this poem is good, I always wonder why poems are so dark so frequently. Do we only care to tap into our muses when we feel the need to abuse them?
Good work! I'll read your other poem and see what it's like, now.
👍: 0 ⏩: 1
Funny... i never thought of it as gothy... thats not how it was intended...matter of fact im not even sure where it came from...it just happened. As for why poetry is often dark...my thought is that the darkness is what most people try to hide from the world.. so we express it in our writing. I mean..everybody sees me happy but i rarely show my anger, pain, or anything bad. Thank you much for both your comments on this piece....sorry to say the picture was not taken by me though...i borrowed it form another deviant.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Composition: While this is a very "common" picture (IE, you'll see a lot of pictures with this theme, layout, and color scheme), the composition holds true. The vast expanse of sky, with few interruptions, makes for a sense of timelessness, of peace, and brings chirping crickets and late-night fishing to mind (although that might just be me).
The second thing I noticed is that the .jpeg compression changes quality in spots on this picture. For instance, in the center, it appears clear. On the left side, it gets very grainy. Unless you are already saving your .jpegs at a " 12", I would suggest you try it. That's what we do at work, anyway.
The house on the far shore is an excellent focal point (it was what stood out to me, anyway), although the " GIANT SHINY THING" in the sky is a little distracting, but removing that would make this less a photograph and more a Photoshopped piece.
My forte isn't really photography, or this would be a little longer. My only suggestion would be that if you're going for that kind of quiet drama, try to pick out only one really, really big light source.
Overall, it's a beautiful photograph. Was it cold outside?
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Thank you very much
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Very nice, I like it. Do not change anything! Keep up that way!
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
Beautifully heartfelt. You have a wonderful way with words. I love the structure, and the way you've made some text stand out.
Nice work
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
girl dis was ill as hell.. loved it and you a bad ass poet all ive read of your work is awesome... keep it up and ya know you tight... specialy when you can bust out phat like dat... keep it up... loved it. and will look for some more tight ass work from you kuz you know you be bustin out phatty. so dont deny it...loved it.
zachkiry
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You. You have been writing me all these kind comments. This poem reveals such beauty in you. I am more honored than ever by the friendship you've shown me.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I enjoyed it- i'm tired right now, so forgive the lack of intellectuality in my comment.
I would change, however, in the last stanza,
"Calming gentle voice
To comfort the one
The world forgot"
to
"Calming gentle voice
To comfort the one
Whom the he world forgot."
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
like my comments would even mean anything since you already have so many, but just saying that this is beautifully written. its a gooder indeedie! nice one
did i leave a comment in yours? leave one in mine
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I think some of these people are just jealous...and I agree with what catalist said...
"poems are written how they r, they shouldnt b changed"
...but I'm sure you probably knew I would agree with that...and girl..just cause I don't comment doesn't mean I don't read it....I don't comment on much anymore...
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
I don't like this, because it's full of cliches. There is nothing original about it, nothing that grabs the reader. Write something with descriptions that come from your imagination. This has all been done before. Countless times.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
this is beautiful
you'd be crazy to change a thing
absolutely lovely
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
They love your poems!!! 24 comments
I could never do nething like that, i suck to bad lol But great poem I really do luv it ^^ amazing work like always! Keep it up
~shorty
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
OMGOJMGOGMOGMGOQUY%)%& (!@&%)(%!#&
(%
++++++++++++++++++++ FAV
great job. its prettyy.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
You could start by correctly spelling 'guardian' and then try to get rid of the cliches and vague language, but you probably wouldn't have anything left, so best you leave it as it is.
Adam
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
though it is pure emotion, many of the word selections i would change. they do all play together in that, all your descriptive words are "regular" almost, but it turned me off to the poem in the beginning when you said:
Lifeless and empty
--
the poem is composed of cliches:
cruel world
broken soul
etc
--
yet it does have an interesting effect. i dont know if you intended this or not.
You use an adjective every other word it seems, personally, i'd cut half the adjectives and change a quarter of the rest. its littered with them.
(and your probably in shock after getting 9 favorites an then this)
eh - its just an opinion
sometimes i like to think i know what im talking about. other times i just hope the reader can understand.
👍: 0 ⏩: 0
| Next =>