Comments: 68
ladyr In reply to Rayza16 [2007-04-30 12:20:57 +0000 UTC]
^_^ thank you.. I am so glad you like it. Haven't written in a long time.
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chamelious [2005-03-18 13:58:24 +0000 UTC]
I liked the poem a lot. However i would consider spelling the title right as people have pointed out.
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undefinability [2004-02-06 22:14:22 +0000 UTC]
I love the form you have for this. The bolded stanzas three lines, and the others only four.
It's great for rhythm.
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O-Wise-Master [2003-12-13 04:06:49 +0000 UTC]
ilike how you expressivly go from one image to the next and tie them all together in some way.
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Lilithia [2003-12-13 02:35:06 +0000 UTC]
It's GORGEOUS!! I love it!!
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thebobartist [2003-12-13 02:12:53 +0000 UTC]
Oh, crap, you intended that on the poetry, didn't you. >_> I missed the poetry entirely. Allow me now to critique THAT. (I'm so sorry!)
First thing I noticed: Poem is very gothy. If I were a mean person, I'd subtract points. But I feel like that sometimes, too, like the subject of the poem does. So I won't.
Two, while you're reading the piece, you really get into the flow of it. It rather lulls you along, and while the content matter is rather dark, the tone is not melodramatic.
I'm even worse with poetry than I am with photography. But I'll right-out and say that while this poem is good, I always wonder why poems are so dark so frequently. Do we only care to tap into our muses when we feel the need to abuse them?
Good work! I'll read your other poem and see what it's like, now.
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thebobartist [2003-12-13 02:08:35 +0000 UTC]
Composition: While this is a very "common" picture (IE, you'll see a lot of pictures with this theme, layout, and color scheme), the composition holds true. The vast expanse of sky, with few interruptions, makes for a sense of timelessness, of peace, and brings chirping crickets and late-night fishing to mind (although that might just be me).
The second thing I noticed is that the .jpeg compression changes quality in spots on this picture. For instance, in the center, it appears clear. On the left side, it gets very grainy. Unless you are already saving your .jpegs at a " 12", I would suggest you try it. That's what we do at work, anyway.
The house on the far shore is an excellent focal point (it was what stood out to me, anyway), although the " GIANT SHINY THING" in the sky is a little distracting, but removing that would make this less a photograph and more a Photoshopped piece.
My forte isn't really photography, or this would be a little longer. My only suggestion would be that if you're going for that kind of quiet drama, try to pick out only one really, really big light source.
Overall, it's a beautiful photograph. Was it cold outside?
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greenp [2003-11-21 15:42:28 +0000 UTC]
Very nice, I like it. Do not change anything! Keep up that way!
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the-end-of-alice [2003-08-01 02:16:34 +0000 UTC]
girl dis was ill as hell.. loved it and you a bad ass poet all ive read of your work is awesome... keep it up and ya know you tight... specialy when you can bust out phat like dat... keep it up... loved it. and will look for some more tight ass work from you kuz you know you be bustin out phatty. so dont deny it...loved it.
zachkiry
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paulscha [2003-07-29 12:17:50 +0000 UTC]
You. You have been writing me all these kind comments. This poem reveals such beauty in you. I am more honored than ever by the friendship you've shown me.
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entropolity [2003-07-17 17:23:34 +0000 UTC]
I enjoyed it- i'm tired right now, so forgive the lack of intellectuality in my comment.
I would change, however, in the last stanza,
"Calming gentle voice
To comfort the one
The world forgot"
to
"Calming gentle voice
To comfort the one
Whom the he world forgot."
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ladyo [2003-07-15 14:19:40 +0000 UTC]
I think some of these people are just jealous...and I agree with what catalist said...
"poems are written how they r, they shouldnt b changed"
...but I'm sure you probably knew I would agree with that...and girl..just cause I don't comment doesn't mean I don't read it....I don't comment on much anymore...
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ignite [2003-07-15 00:34:49 +0000 UTC]
Oh, and you spelled guardian wrong in your title.
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ignite [2003-07-15 00:31:56 +0000 UTC]
I don't like this, because it's full of cliches. There is nothing original about it, nothing that grabs the reader. Write something with descriptions that come from your imagination. This has all been done before. Countless times.
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emeraldhorse [2003-07-14 23:55:18 +0000 UTC]
Wow..that's sooo pretty!
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zte7 [2003-07-14 22:12:49 +0000 UTC]
this is beautiful
you'd be crazy to change a thing
absolutely lovely
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mfunky [2003-07-14 19:42:38 +0000 UTC]
powerful
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roguey [2003-07-14 19:33:14 +0000 UTC]
Very nice. +fav
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hikarikira [2003-07-14 17:59:18 +0000 UTC]
*worshipness*
beautiful!
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teea [2003-07-14 16:37:26 +0000 UTC]
Very beautiful to read... loved it
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crmk [2003-07-14 12:11:21 +0000 UTC]
beautiful
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epimetheus [2003-07-14 07:57:51 +0000 UTC]
You could start by correctly spelling 'guardian' and then try to get rid of the cliches and vague language, but you probably wouldn't have anything left, so best you leave it as it is.
Adam
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livingbyair [2003-07-14 07:33:09 +0000 UTC]
though it is pure emotion, many of the word selections i would change. they do all play together in that, all your descriptive words are "regular" almost, but it turned me off to the poem in the beginning when you said:
Lifeless and empty
--
the poem is composed of cliches:
cruel world
broken soul
etc
--
yet it does have an interesting effect. i dont know if you intended this or not.
You use an adjective every other word it seems, personally, i'd cut half the adjectives and change a quarter of the rest. its littered with them.
(and your probably in shock after getting 9 favorites an then this)
eh - its just an opinion
sometimes i like to think i know what im talking about. other times i just hope the reader can understand.
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isuk-usukmore [2003-07-14 07:26:51 +0000 UTC]
holy crap im stunned.. +fav
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