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liltizzi — Dearly departed
Published: 2010-07-04 18:15:10 +0000 UTC; Views: 288; Favourites: 4; Downloads: 2
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Description
I sit there beside youMy wife
My best friend
My partner
My lover
You're gone for ever.
Fate dealt us a blow.
But I'll see you again.
As sprit's in the heaven above.
I mourn you, not because u departed form this world
But because I will have no more
Years
Months
Days
Hours
Minutes
To spend with you,
laughing
Or cradling you in my arm
Though you're gone
My best friend
My wife
My partner
My lover
I will see you again
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Comments: 10
the line "I mourn you, not because u departed form this world"
seems too long.
maybe shift the second part down?? and you wrote "u" not "you"
forever is only one word and you missed an "i" in "sprit"
I really like this. I don't feel the title really fits too well though....
it does in some ways but I personnally think something to do with time would have made a better fit. But just my own opinion
Great job short stuff.
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okie thanks 
I shall make the corrections
you called me short stuff??
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hmmm. i think i may have to strangle you
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Thanks so much happy you like it
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hi
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This is the one you emailed me right?
I like, I like. Except I think it would be a bit more effective if you put the "My best friend, my husband..etc and Years, months..etc" in italics. It would bring them out more and give the poem more structure.
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