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Linxcat — Teatime with Mummy
Published: 2012-04-18 19:36:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 843; Favourites: 8; Downloads: 16
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Mummy comes to visit. John notices that an eyebrow conversation is going on and he's not invited. Sherlock is not impressed.Related content
Comments: 99
Margo's all "I know exactly what's going on, sweetheart" and Sherlock's like, "Oh my gawd mum you're so embarrassing!"
And that was unintentional, but she really would be. I love that its one of her quirks, her tiny-ness 
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Sherlock: muuuuuuuum we're just flatmates
Margo: yes dear
Sherlock: good, so long as thats understood"
Margo: yes, and me and your father just play thud *sips tea*
Sherlock:
absolutly, infact you know that bit in twists fic where sybil and adora where umm...speculating about her and havvies gardening habits, i kept expecting one of them to be like: "i dont know how theyed do it in the first place, she's so short and he's so not"
i guess all people are the same height lying down.
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Also, Margolotta's response to aforementioned question -
"Darling, let me impart somezhing I have learnt from my years of...razher extensive experience; vhere zhere is a vill, zhere is a vay."
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Vetinari: They do tend to help, yes.
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(Brb dying of laughter)
Everyone-else: *trying desperatly not to imagine what theyre doing that requires cushions*
Margolotta: especially when trying to avoid injurys to the back of the head...
Everyone-else:
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Vetinari: Oh, incidentally, Drumknott - I've been meaning to ask all day - could you send an order over to the Guild of Furniture and Homewear for a new bed?
Drumknott:...Of course, my Lord.
Vetinari: It will need to be delivered by this evening.
Margolotta: And you might want to get the rather large dent in the floor looked at.
Drumknott:...Yes, milday...*wince*
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Vetinari: one last thing drumknott, the desk needs resurfacing.again. im afraid the commander dosent have much subtlety when express his frustrations-
Drumknott:
Vetinari:-with the new foreighn policy.
*drumknott flee's to do his errands*
Margolotta: *smirking* darling iz zhere anything you vant to tell me? i can be open minded you know...
Vetinari: *raises eyebrow sarcasticly* really margo?
Margo: oh yes. alzhough i have to say if you intend on having anyzink of zhat nature viz zher commander, my mind may remain open but my legs vill be saying very firmly clozed!
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Vetinari: Hmmm, what about-
Margolotta: As vill my foreign policy documents, my country's borders, and my mouth.
Vetinari: Bugger.
Margolotta: None of zhat, eizher.
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(oh gods your KILLING me
Vetinari: *sulks* im sure i could sustain myself for a day or two
Margo: A day or two?! ha-
Vetinari: - my dear i cant imagine you going without for more than that. volontarily at least..
margo: Hmmph
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Vetinari: You disagree?
Margolotta: ...No. I suppose I'd have to substitute my cravinks viz somezhing else...
Vetinari: Gardening?
Margolotta: Zhat could vork!
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Vetinari: well i have noticed your prediliction for messing about in bushes...
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Margolotta: It takes two to tango, darling.
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Vetinari: i think we've rather moved on from the tango dear. now backward fandango with a bit of pasadoubl'e on the other hand...
Margo: i keep telling you havelock im allergic to celery.
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(We need to find a way to publish this somewhere where thousands of people can marvel and laugh hysterically at our genius. Tumblr? XD I am dying over here!
Vetinari: Well, how do you feel about horseradish?
Margolotta: As long as ve steer vell clear of zher garlic, I'm good.
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Yes, PLEASE post this convo on Tumblr. I'm DYING over here -- more people need to be able to read this!!
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I've got it all copied out in a Word document, and its four pages long XD I'll get to work on posting it as a chat, though it might take a while...
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YES absolutly!.just wait until i can get on an unfiltered computer to post them on my page too. mind you it's gong to take a week or two to find them all and whip them into the right order anyway so its a moot point.
Vetinari: on the other hand i shouldnt like to think of the stains...
Margo: urrgh! for the last time havelock how was i too know how difficult it is to get jam out of a ting dynasty rug?
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Once we work out exactly where the end of this is, I will whop it up there
Vetinari: It wasn't the jam that was the problem, it was the maple syrup that stained!
Margolotta: How many times do I have to apologise for zhat?
Vetinari: It belonged to my mother!
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Margo: zher rug or zher maple syrup?
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Vetinari: The rug. Do you think I would have been licking it off you if it had been old enough to belong to my mother? That's just not appetizing.
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Margo: *shrugs* considering all the strange kinks you humans have it vouldn't suprise me to find out zhat antique maple syrup vas vun of them
Vetinari:you must have been attracted to some strange humans milady.
Margo: vell, how do you think you ever got laid hmmm?
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Vetinari: Because I'm handsome, amusing, intelligent and your equal in every way?
Margolotta: Of course not, darling, I'm viz you for your body.
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Vetinari: the feelings entirely mutual
*gets poked by margo*
Vetinari: Ouch! how is that fair?
margo:hypocracy iz a vomans perogative my dear.
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Vetinari: Hmph.
Margolotta: Vell, are you?
Vetinari: Course not. You're pretty good in bed, too.
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Vetinari: *gets wrestled to the ground in a storm of pokes* ARGGH!
Margo: Pretty good? Pretty good?! i am bloody fantazstic and you know it!
Vetinari: allright allright! your utterly amazing, your a goddess of gardening techniques! now will you let me up?
margo: vhen ive got you right vhere i vant you? now vhy on disc vould i do zhat.
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Vetinari: I thought you said you liked being with me because we're equals?
Margolotta: Vhat can I say, old habits die hard
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Vetinari: speaking of which...
(sorry but i couldnt resist 
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XDD I was gonna go for that one too
Margolotta: You have appointments zhis afternoon.
Vetinari: I have a secretary who is very good at cancelling appointments.
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Margolotta: and alzho very adept at getting through supposedly locked doors
vetinari: i thought vampires could lock things with their minds
Margolotta: vell at zhat point my mind was being distracted by your-
*commotion outside the office*
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Vetinari: Quick! *drags*
*office doors open*
Drumknott: Your Lordship, I- *looks around* oh...I could have sworn...never mind...*leaves*
Margolotta: *pops up from behind desk* I cannot believe that actually vorked, Havelock.
Vetinari: Its all about perspective. I had the desk moved specially
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Margo: oh and here vas i thinkink it vas your particularly energetic efforts last tuesday that had it up against the vall.
vetinari: i think your confusing the desk with yourself madam.
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Margolotta: I zhink ve need to give zher desk a break, zhis is zher fifth vun zis month...
Vetinari: We don't need to give it a break, I just need to order a stronger one. I think a granite tabletop will do nicely.
Margolotta: You sure about zhat?
Vetinari:...Make that concrete.
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Margolotta: Concrete?! viz my skin? vhy not put sandpaper sheets on the bed and have done viz it.
Vetinari: well its not like we ever use it anyway..
Margolotta: and zhats my fault?
Vetinari: *raises eyebrows*
Margolotta: hmmph, vell ive never heard you complainink about my ideas before now
Vetinari: yes but im sure youve heard vimeses
Margolotta: dear the whole heard vimeses
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Vetinari: I'm sure we could invest in some cushions. Or actually use the bed.
Margolotta: Ve broke zher bed zhis morning, remember?
Vetinari: Ah. Yes.
Margolotta: And zher floor...
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Vetinari: that was a raher aquward meeting with the brindisian ambassadore yes
Margolotta: especially vhen he asked if he could join in...
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Vetinari: Thankfully you still have some of your psychic abilities
Margolotta: *waves hand* "Zhese are not zher politicians you are lookink for, you vant to go home and rezhink your life."
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screwd with starwars quotes for the win!
vetinari: you know for some reason i keep thinking things would have been much better if youd been holding a glowing stick when you said that.
Margolotta: somevuns getting freuydian...
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Vetinari: Someone's feeling innuendoeous...
Margolotta: General state of existance, darling.
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Vetinari: one for the philosophers to contemplate certainly, while mans base mode of being is to crave stability, vampires appears to be sex jokes and an excessive interest in their neihbours genitalia..
Margolotta: vould you have me any other way?
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Vetinari: *smiles* Of course not, my dear. Tell me, whose genitalia is it that you happen to be interested in?
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Margolotta: truth be told im having a rather hard time choosing between candidates, considering my only neighbours where i live are a pair of smelly wherewolves..
Vetinari: sometimes you are rather too literal
Margolotta: oh such a shame, i vas going to say that considering my current location the logical conclusion vould be- but i see im boring you viz my literalness...
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Vetinari: *wraps arm around her waist and brings her close* No, no, do carry on...
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Margolotta: *smiles* vell as i vas sayink considering my current location the logical conclusion vould be mr lipvig
Vetinari:
Margolotta: vell he is the closest neibour to zher embassy, unless you count lord selachii...
Vetinari:
Margolotta: but seeing az i dont much fancy eizher of them i zhink im going to have to make do viz present company
Vetinari: i think presnt companys been put off...
Margolotta: oh *pouts* such a shame and to think i bought a new corset this afternoon
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Vetinari: *clears throat* A...new corset?
Margolotta: Yup...
Vetinari: What a coincidence, I happen to now have an appointment-free afternoon.
Margolotta: I thought present company wasn't interested any more.
Vetinari: Well...circumstances have changed. Old habits certainly do die hard...
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Margolotta: along viz other things...
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Vetinari: Yes, thank you for that *rolls eyes*
Margolotta: Awww, darling, *pats on chest* Ve can soon sort zhat out.
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Vetinari: best idea you've had all day.
Margolotta: Wait till you hear my next vun *whispers in ear*
Vetinari: *blushes*
Margolotta: vell?
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(DNAAAWWW BLUSHING!VETINARI YOU SO CUTE. Genuinely the most adorkable image ever, a blushing Vetinari :3)
Vetinari: Yes...well...incidentally, I-
Margolotta: Oh, shut up, Havelock. *kisses*
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(oh absolutly ,hehe maybe i should draw one in the corner of my pinup!margo drawing
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