jarinxxx [2014-09-15 06:14:55 +0000 UTC]
This is very gripping. A lot of strong voice going on as well as a lot of cuss words, which makes it that much more believable. That being said, I do believe the you got the case of talking head syndrome. Add a little more flair to the characters as their yelling at each other.
Talking head syndrome is where that you have nothing but dialogue with little character emotion or interaction with one another except for dialogue. That is the main flaw of this piece.
Am glad that you shared this with me, probably not with me personally but with the community, just take what I said with a grain of salt.
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