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liveinmusic111 — circle-wandering --revised
by-nc-nd
Published: 2008-08-16 02:47:11 +0000 UTC; Views: 111; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 0
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Description
circle-wandering in my head becauseno other shape makes as much sense
to me
as going
around
and around
and around.
because that’s the only place
i seem to be going,
repeating the same nonsense
patterns, start and
finish the same
things.
things used to be different.
even in the start/finish with you,
the shapes had corners,
defined angles that were easy,
enjoyable,
understandable.
trying requires an effort,
something you’re not used to
and i tried long enough without
prevail that it lost its appeal
.
so now we circle-wander together,
apart in so many ways,
lost in each other’s heads,
going around
and around
and around.
Comments: 30
very good! i was thinking it would take a little longer to revise, but you did a great job. what i so often like about what you write is that its so emotionally tangible/ this is another example of that. well done. what do you think of it? when you reread it does it speak to you now?
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Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *happy dance of joy inserted here* Thank you so much!! I like it much better now. It helps me come to terms with what I'm feeling, and I think that it expresses my frustration in a better, more fluent way. Thank you again for your mentoring.
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since you asked for feedback: keep in mind the style isn't to my particular taste/ the first two lines draw me in (i really like them) / but after that you lose me/ i think its always good to be sure that format doesn't interfere with expression/ maybe that's not whats happening here but like i said, it feels like the trueness of your expression drops off after the second line. I'm curious about what you think about it though. when you read it do you feel what you meant to express?
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That's insightful, thank you for telling me all of that. I don't know, I'm not crazy about this piece, probably because, liked plagued mentioned, it is very unfinished. When writing this, I wasn't trying to express anything specific except maybe how lost/confused I'm feeling at this point and time. And this piece (if you want to call it that) is certainly confusing...haha. I'm guessing that's not what you meant though. I think this piece doesn't work because I'm not even sure what I want to express/convey.
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lol. thats funny. yeah, seems like you've got something here/ think if you leave it be for a while and give youself time to process you'll be able to finnish down the road.
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Thank you. 
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I did like the first version. I think there was something . . . tight about it. And I don't mean slang-wise, but more like, the smile you're trying desperately to avoid having to smile because your ex and his new girlfriend just walked up to you and asked you for your blessing.
But this one is sort of . . . softer, almost. It's like, an acceptance of the tight smile and reminding yourself that you're so much better than that.
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Huh. That is a really cool angle to take it from. I really love hearing things like this, because sometimes when I'm writing, I only see what I am going to see, not what others will too. And I really appreciate your comment. It made my heart smile.
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I really think that people only ever see what side they're writing from.
and I think it takes real people to honestly say
"yeah, but . . ."
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Probably. That's the way it is for me until I reread it a few times. LOL
I'm not sure what you meant when you said the last part...sorry, I'm really tired and easily confused. XD
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I meant that it takes someone who's really a friend/fan/whatever to step up and say "I get that you see this this way, but maybe it's really this way . . ." see what I mean?
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Ohhhhhhhh yes I get it now. Sorry. I've been playing in a water polo tournament for two days and having practices multiple times a day before that, so I'm a little drained. XD
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LOL!
I feel your pain.
Not so much water polo,
just endless days of working
back to back to back.
yeah.
I feel your pain . . .
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I've been working too.
Babysitting.
And pet sitting.
I
am
so
freaking
tired.
ZZZZZZZZz
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We should start an online napping club!! With T Shirts!!!!!! LMAO
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Hell ya!
everything has to have shirts love.
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Well, maybe not everything...
*cough*
Anyway.....
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HA!
I so had to read back through our last few comments to get the subtle undertone to your meaning
and on that point
I FIRMLY agree.
You get a heavily-accented southern: AMEN!
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I thought you would. *grin*
Halalujah!!!!! *throws hands up*
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*shifty eyes*
get out of my brain.
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Dude, no need to worry, I can't even get out of my own brain to be able to be in yours. LOL!
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short sweet, but leaves something to be expanded apon. It feels like one of my many unfinished poems that starts out amazing but I never know how to finish.
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I couldn't agree more. And I thank you for your honesty. It really bugs when people comment something like, "This is good
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