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Description
Spencer was fiddling with a zepple lantern that he'd been handed, unsure of what to do with it. Probably send it off with well-wishes for Ark. He didn't know any of the other pets that had died, and he didn't think any wyngrew had been killed. At least they could count their blessings in that.

But his mind was filled with apprehension. Spencer was sniffling as he held in tears, staring at the plant in his hands, idly keeping himself occupied. He was trying his best not to think about the last few weeks he'd had. He was trying so hard not to think about seeing that giant spite and flashing back to the horrors of the deelagun and the plague that followed, and about the personal happenings in his life just before they'd found the pelt prowler. At least when he had been trying to get everyone to safety, when he was avoiding getting killed, he had some other goal in mind than just, "Don't think about him."

And now there was nothing else to think about. He was felt so guilty for so many things. Runeboos and coatalas and wibbles had joined in the fight - most pets, it seemed, were braver than him, contributed more. But he'd long made his peace with the fact that spites scared the everloving daylights out of him, and he would have probably been more of a burden if he had decided to attempt to fight. No, the personal guilt he felt was stabbing him in the gut even more than that.

Why hadn't he been able to say he loved Eijirou?

"Spencer?" Bough's friendly concern was clear in his tone as he hobbled over to sit himself down right next to the orange biped. "What's up? Most people have sent off their lanterns already."

"I was thinking about... who to send it for." Spencer glanced at Bough, hoping he didn't catch the slight wobble in his voice or the way that, for a moment, his eyes lingered on the bandaged stump under Bough's right shoulder. "Probably just... for all we've lost, in general. Dedicate it to the pets that died."

Bough was silent, making himself more comfortable on the grass. It seemed like he was thinking, and Spencer let him. He finally said, "Hey, Spencer, are you okay? I know we sorta talked everything out earlier together, but... do you need to talk some more?"

Almost instantly, Spencer slumped over his knees, sighing deeply. "Bough, you lost... a lot more than I did. I can't burden you by making you listen to my personal worries. Please, just... ignore me."

That made Bough frown, definitely not pleased by Spencer brushing off how he was feeling. "Hey, look," he said, waving his stump around, "I'm okay thanks to Dr. F. And I'm your friend now, Spencer. At least, I hope so? Tell me if I'm just assuming and I'm wrong, but I feel like we've all gotten to be friends over these past several weeks. So you can talk to me, I want you to talk to me."

Spencer couldn't help but tear up a bit, but he was quick to scrub away the moisture in his eyes. "I-I... if you're sure...." When Bough nodded encouragingly, Spencer took a deep breath, and it was like the dam broke all at once. He hadn't even spoken before he started to shake, tears spilling out of him faster than he could wipe them away. He gripped the zepple lantern in his hands so hard that the fragile outer leaves crumpled, tears appearing in it where he claws dug in. "Chii, Bough. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. It's not just the spites, even though they've been bad, it's not just - that I was flicking useless when you all were fighting, I - m-my - my boyfriend broke up with me right before we all found the prowler. I should have gone after him, I-I...."

Bough patted his back comfortingly, and funnily enough, Spencer didn't flinch back like he usually did at being touched. "Well, I can't really give super great advice, honestly. I've never had experience with this. But I can listen. What happened with him?"

Spencer took in a big gulp of air, trying desperately to keep himself calm, but he felt like the whole world was vibrating around him, on the verge of tearing apart. It was like, now that he was letting everything out, he was feeling it that much more distinctly, everything all at once. "We'd been... going out for almost a year, and I never told him.... He was always telling me that I loved him, but I couldn't.... It was too hard to say it, and if I tried the words just got stuck, and maybe he was right, and I just - never would, and I can't keep him waiting any more! He was r-right to leave me but.... W-w-without him I feel so, s-so, lost, and empty. If I could go back to him w-when I was upset and see him and know he was okay, I could be okay. T-the thing w-with the huge spite - triggered me, so bad, and I realized I needed my s-safe space and he's g-g-gone. Because I drove him away. B-because I couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear."

"Did you want to say it?" Bough asked, surprising even himself at the sudden tidbit of insight. It was a good question. Maybe he wasn't so clueless, with or without a relationship.

"... I did," Spencer said, shivering as he admitted it. "I wanted to, b-but it was so hard, the words wouldn't come out, b-but he deserved to, deserves to be with someone who can tell him. If I can't be that person th-then, he should find someone... better. There are lots of people who would be better."

The cow-gro was very quiet for a few heartbeats, then he looked at Spencer, his silver eyes peeking out from under his bangs. He looked serious, and he definitely was. He had seen many a gro suffer with PTSD while they recovered in Dr. F's clinic, and it was clear that Spencer's fear - the spites, and in his relationship - weren't just a normal level of fear. He needed to know that it was okay, somehow. "Spencer. He's said he loves you a lot, right?" Spencer nodded in confirmation, sniffling and pressing his palms against his eyes. "And you trust that he means it?" Another nod. "Then you don't have to be afraid to tell him. He's not going anywhere unless you let him. Seeing how much you're feeling over him right now, it seems to me that you do love him. So don't you think it's about time to tell him so?"

Spencer shook a bit, still processing what Bough had said, surprisingly sage advice for a so-far single gro. Then he was suddenly on his hooves, up in a flash. "Thank you, Bough," he said, his expression so sincere and genuine as he stopped crying at last. "I... thank you. Thank you so much." He bent down to hug him tight, then he was gone. He had a man to confess to, if he would hear him out.

bough belongs to zedortoo , thank you for letting me steal cowboy to talk some sense into spency

max wyn

Description
Spencer was fiddling with a zepple lantern that he'd been handed, unsure of what to do with it. Probably send it off with well-wishes for Ark. He didn't know any of the other pets that had died, and he didn't think any wyngrew had been killed. At least they could count their blessings in that.

But his mind was filled with apprehension. Spencer was sniffling as he held in tears, staring at the plant in his hands, idly keeping himself occupied. He was trying his best not to think about the last few weeks he'd had. He was trying so hard not to think about seeing that giant spite and flashing back to the horrors of the deelagun and the plague that followed, and about the personal happenings in his life just before they'd found the pelt prowler. At least when he had been trying to get everyone to safety, when he was avoiding getting killed, he had some other goal in mind than just, "Don't think about him."

And now there was nothing else to think about. He was felt so guilty for so many things. Runeboos and coatalas and wibbles had joined in the fight - most pets, it seemed, were braver than him, contributed more. But he'd long made his peace with the fact that spites scared the everloving daylights out of him, and he would have probably been more of a burden if he had decided to attempt to fight. No, the personal guilt he felt was stabbing him in the gut even more than that.

Why hadn't he been able to say he loved Eijirou?

"Spencer?" Bough's friendly concern was clear in his tone as he hobbled over to sit himself down right next to the orange biped. "What's up? Most people have sent off their lanterns already."

"I was thinking about... who to send it for." Spencer glanced at Bough, hoping he didn't catch the slight wobble in his voice or the way that, for a moment, his eyes lingered on the bandaged stump under Bough's right shoulder. "Probably just... for all we've lost, in general. Dedicate it to the pets that died."

Bough was silent, making himself more comfortable on the grass. It seemed like he was thinking, and Spencer let him. He finally said, "Hey, Spencer, are you okay? I know we sorta talked everything out earlier together, but... do you need to talk some more?"

Almost instantly, Spencer slumped over his knees, sighing deeply. "Bough, you lost... a lot more than I did. I can't burden you by making you listen to my personal worries. Please, just... ignore me."

That made Bough frown, definitely not pleased by Spencer brushing off how he was feeling. "Hey, look," he said, waving his stump around, "I'm okay thanks to Dr. F. And I'm your friend now, Spencer. At least, I hope so? Tell me if I'm just assuming and I'm wrong, but I feel like we've all gotten to be friends over these past several weeks. So you can talk to me, I want you to talk to me."

Spencer couldn't help but tear up a bit, but he was quick to scrub away the moisture in his eyes. "I-I... if you're sure...." When Bough nodded encouragingly, Spencer took a deep breath, and it was like the dam broke all at once. He hadn't even spoken before he started to shake, tears spilling out of him faster than he could wipe them away. He gripped the zepple lantern in his hands so hard that the fragile outer leaves crumpled, tears appearing in it where he claws dug in. "Chii, Bough. I fucked up. I fucked up so bad. It's not just the spites, even though they've been bad, it's not just - that I was flicking useless when you all were fighting, I - m-my - my boyfriend broke up with me right before we all found the prowler. I should have gone after him, I-I...."

Bough patted his back comfortingly, and funnily enough, Spencer didn't flinch back like he usually did at being touched. "Well, I can't really give super great advice, honestly. I've never had experience with this. But I can listen. What happened with him?"

Spencer took in a big gulp of air, trying desperately to keep himself calm, but he felt like the whole world was vibrating around him, on the verge of tearing apart. It was like, now that he was letting everything out, he was feeling it that much more distinctly, everything all at once. "We'd been... going out for almost a year, and I never told him.... He was always telling me that I loved him, but I couldn't.... It was too hard to say it, and if I tried the words just got stuck, and maybe he was right, and I just - never would, and I can't keep him waiting any more! He was r-right to leave me but.... W-w-without him I feel so, s-so, lost, and empty. If I could go back to him w-when I was upset and see him and know he was okay, I could be okay. T-the thing w-with the huge spite - triggered me, so bad, and I realized I needed my s-safe space and he's g-g-gone. Because I drove him away. B-because I couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear."

"Did you want to say it?" Bough asked, surprising even himself at the sudden tidbit of insight. It was a good question. Maybe he wasn't so clueless, with or without a relationship.

"... I did," Spencer said, shivering as he admitted it. "I wanted to, b-but it was so hard, the words wouldn't come out, b-but he deserved to, deserves to be with someone who can tell him. If I can't be that person th-then, he should find someone... better. There are lots of people who would be better."

The cow-gro was very quiet for a few heartbeats, then he looked at Spencer, his silver eyes peeking out from under his bangs. He looked serious, and he definitely was. He had seen many a gro suffer with PTSD while they recovered in Dr. F's clinic, and it was clear that Spencer's fear - the spites, and in his relationship - weren't just a normal level of fear. He needed to know that it was okay, somehow. "Spencer. He's said he loves you a lot, right?" Spencer nodded in confirmation, sniffling and pressing his palms against his eyes. "And you trust that he means it?" Another nod. "Then you don't have to be afraid to tell him. He's not going anywhere unless you let him. Seeing how much you're feeling over him right now, it seems to me that you do love him. So don't you think it's about time to tell him so?"

Spencer shook a bit, still processing what Bough had said, surprisingly sage advice for a so-far single gro. Then he was suddenly on his hooves, up in a flash. "Thank you, Bough," he said, his expression so sincere and genuine as he stopped crying at last. "I... thank you. Thank you so much." He bent down to hug him tight, then he was gone. He had a man to confess to, if he would hear him out.

bough belongs to zedortoo , thank you for letting me steal cowboy to talk some sense into spency

max wyn