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Description
3) Title: Gay or Nay
Anime/Manga: Bleach
Characters: Matsumoto, Kira, Renji, Hitsugaya, Ukitaka, mentions of others
Description: Rangiku makes fun of her taichou’s lack of interest in women with her two drinking buddies.
Warnings: Spoilers, angst, drunkards, hints at yaoi
Rating: T

-

Matsumoto opened the door to her room and stepped aside as her friends walked in.  She motioned to the table, which held at least three bottles of unopened sake, among other things.

“Gee, Rangiku, your taichou must hate you,” Renji said, looking at the shabby apartment.

“Tch.  Don’t be such an ass!”  She rolled her eyes and dropped down in one of the chairs surrounding the table.  “He’s… temperamental…”

-

Three hours later:

“Ooh!  I know!  I know!” Rangiku shouted, one finger in the air.  She opened her mouth to declare what it was that she knew when something caught her attention.  She looked avidly at Kira.  “Um, Kira?  You’ve got a huge, purple spider on your shoulder…”

“WHAT?!”  The blond lieutenant started running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to knock the non-existent arachnid away from him.  He finally seemed to succeed and stood, glowering at Matsumoto and Renji, whom were laughing so hard, they were clutching their stomachs.

Renji was the first to calm down and he grinned at Kira.  “What?  That was funny!”

Kira sniffed indignantly.  “Hardly.  I hate spiders!”  He shuddered.  “Did you see that?  It was ginormous!”

Matsumoto snickered.  “Yeah.  I pointed it out!”

Renji sighed.  “It wasn’t even real!”

A snort came from the female fukutaichou and she shoved another bottle of sake at Renji.  “You’re not drunk enough!  If you had been, you’d ‘ave seen it!”  She then proceeded to chug down an entire bottle herself.  “Edible futons!” she shouted.

“Yeah, Renji-san!  Sake is the seeing glass into the supernatural!”  Kira grabbed his own, half-empty bottle and guzzled the rest of it.  “I’m in love with Cheeze Nips!”

All three burst out laughing.  “To Cheeze Nips!” Rangiku announced.

“’Cheeze Nips’!” the others echoed.

“Don’t forget taichou!” Renji added after they’d each consumed another quarter of a bottle each.  They still had three quarters left.

“Yes!  Possibly the hottest taichou in the Seireitei!” Rangiku agreed, then downed the rest of her bottle.  There was silence as she lowered the empty bottle and picked up a new one.  “What?”

“Ew,” the other two chorused.

“’Ew’?  ‘Ew’?!  No way!  I know a shit-load o’ girls that would pay to get in his pants.”  She nodded and guzzled all but a sip of her newest bottle.

“I repeat, ‘Ew’!”  Renji shuddered.  “I think he has a thing for Mayuri…”

A silence.  All three burst into another fit off laughter.

“Now there’s ‘ew’!” Rangiku exclaimed, sniggering.  As if someone had flipped a switch, she stopped all noise and cocked her head.  “You know, taichou doesn’t seem to have much of a thing for girls.  I mean, I’m practically naked around him all the time and he never notices…”

The other two froze as if this was really something that needed to be considered.

“What about Momo?” Renji asked.  “It’s kinda obvious that he has a crush on her…”

“Hai.  Momo,” Kira agreed.

“No.  He didn’t even react that one time he walked in on her when she was over for a two-person slumber party.  I was in my underwear and she didn’t have on anything…”  At the odd looks from her friends, she shrugged.  “We were changing into our PJs.  She’d just gotten out of the shower.”

“Oh,” they chorused.

“Maybe he’s gay,” Rangiku continued drunkenly.

“Gay?  Hitsugaya?  I can’t imagine that,” Kira said, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Now, if you were talkin’ abou’ Ukitake and Shunsui, I’d agree, but Hitsugaya?  No way.”  Renji shook his head vehemently.  He only gained a headache for his trouble.

“I mean, he’s always takin’ candy from Ukitake.  And then there’s the way Shunsui seems to watch him all the time,” Matsumoto continued as if no one had said a thing.

“All that does is prove he’s a guy magnet,” Renji pointed out.

“Oh!  I know!”  She sat up from her slouched position and pointed her index finger toward the ceiling.  “He’s Byakuya’s boyfriend!”  She grinned ecstatically at her friends, not seeming to notice the fact that they were motioning for her to shut up.  “Taichou likes Kuchiki!  That must be it!”  She blinked at her friends.  “Nani?  Why do you look so scared?”

“Because I heard that,” a voice growled behind her as the temperature dropped.

Kira and Renji vanished in tandem.  Matsumoto turned around and grinned sheepishly at her captain.  “Oh…  Hello…”  She gulped, suddenly seeming sober.  She dropped her half-full bottle of sake and ran as fast as she could, barely dodging a strike from Hyourinmaru.  She raced out the door and nearly ran into a surprised Ukitake.  “Run if you value your life!” she shouted over her shoulder as she righted herself and took off once more.

Jyuushirou watched as Hitsugaya ran out the door and skidded to a halt, looking around.  “I’m gonna kill her!  Where is she?!”

“Uh, heh heh.  Shirou-chan, you should put that sharp sword down, you know,” Ukitake said, sweatdropping.

The zanpakutou-brandishing captain paused and frowned at the older man.  “They were talking about you, too, just to let you know,” he growled, re-sheathing his sword.

Ukitake quirked a white brow.  “Oh?  They were also drunk.  What did they say that has you so upset?  What did they say about me?”  He started to search through his robes for that mint he knew he’d put in there at the café after lunch.

“No candy, please,” Toushirou grumbled.  “They said you and Shunsui were gay for each other.”

“Oh.  Well, he is my boyfriend.  Ah!  Here it is!”  He pulled the red and white mint from one of his inside pockets and held it out to the prodigy before him.  “Here you go, Shirou-chan!”

“I said ‘no candy, please’!” Hitsugaya snapped.  Nonetheless, he took the proffered mint and stuffed it in his pocket.

“What had you so upset, Shirou-chan?” Ukitake asked curiously, not missing the fact that he had yet to get his answer.

There was a faint blush across his cheeks.  “I think she was going through my journal or something.  There’s no way she would have come up with something so accurate on her own without snooping.”  He pouted and turned away.

“What do you mean?  Did she find out about you and Byakuya?” Ukitake prodded, stepping up beside the boy and walking with him.

“Uh…  How did you know?” Hitsugaya asked nervously.

“I’m Seireitei’s best match-maker.  I’d have to know who’s single and who’s not,” Ukitake replied with a smile.  “I’m just happy that my little Shirou-chan’s all grown up!” he gushed.

“I’m going to vomit,” the boy prodigy muttered.

“Now, don’t do that, Shirou-chan!” Ukitake protested.

“Hn.”

-

I hope you liked it! I want people to request stuff, so feel free!

Description
3) Title: Gay or Nay
Anime/Manga: Bleach
Characters: Matsumoto, Kira, Renji, Hitsugaya, Ukitaka, mentions of others
Description: Rangiku makes fun of her taichou’s lack of interest in women with her two drinking buddies.
Warnings: Spoilers, angst, drunkards, hints at yaoi
Rating: T

-

Matsumoto opened the door to her room and stepped aside as her friends walked in.  She motioned to the table, which held at least three bottles of unopened sake, among other things.

“Gee, Rangiku, your taichou must hate you,” Renji said, looking at the shabby apartment.

“Tch.  Don’t be such an ass!”  She rolled her eyes and dropped down in one of the chairs surrounding the table.  “He’s… temperamental…”

-

Three hours later:

“Ooh!  I know!  I know!” Rangiku shouted, one finger in the air.  She opened her mouth to declare what it was that she knew when something caught her attention.  She looked avidly at Kira.  “Um, Kira?  You’ve got a huge, purple spider on your shoulder…”

“WHAT?!”  The blond lieutenant started running around like a chicken with its head cut off, trying to knock the non-existent arachnid away from him.  He finally seemed to succeed and stood, glowering at Matsumoto and Renji, whom were laughing so hard, they were clutching their stomachs.

Renji was the first to calm down and he grinned at Kira.  “What?  That was funny!”

Kira sniffed indignantly.  “Hardly.  I hate spiders!”  He shuddered.  “Did you see that?  It was ginormous!”

Matsumoto snickered.  “Yeah.  I pointed it out!”

Renji sighed.  “It wasn’t even real!”

A snort came from the female fukutaichou and she shoved another bottle of sake at Renji.  “You’re not drunk enough!  If you had been, you’d ‘ave seen it!”  She then proceeded to chug down an entire bottle herself.  “Edible futons!” she shouted.

“Yeah, Renji-san!  Sake is the seeing glass into the supernatural!”  Kira grabbed his own, half-empty bottle and guzzled the rest of it.  “I’m in love with Cheeze Nips!”

All three burst out laughing.  “To Cheeze Nips!” Rangiku announced.

“’Cheeze Nips’!” the others echoed.

“Don’t forget taichou!” Renji added after they’d each consumed another quarter of a bottle each.  They still had three quarters left.

“Yes!  Possibly the hottest taichou in the Seireitei!” Rangiku agreed, then downed the rest of her bottle.  There was silence as she lowered the empty bottle and picked up a new one.  “What?”

“Ew,” the other two chorused.

“’Ew’?  ‘Ew’?!  No way!  I know a shit-load o’ girls that would pay to get in his pants.”  She nodded and guzzled all but a sip of her newest bottle.

“I repeat, ‘Ew’!”  Renji shuddered.  “I think he has a thing for Mayuri…”

A silence.  All three burst into another fit off laughter.

“Now there’s ‘ew’!” Rangiku exclaimed, sniggering.  As if someone had flipped a switch, she stopped all noise and cocked her head.  “You know, taichou doesn’t seem to have much of a thing for girls.  I mean, I’m practically naked around him all the time and he never notices…”

The other two froze as if this was really something that needed to be considered.

“What about Momo?” Renji asked.  “It’s kinda obvious that he has a crush on her…”

“Hai.  Momo,” Kira agreed.

“No.  He didn’t even react that one time he walked in on her when she was over for a two-person slumber party.  I was in my underwear and she didn’t have on anything…”  At the odd looks from her friends, she shrugged.  “We were changing into our PJs.  She’d just gotten out of the shower.”

“Oh,” they chorused.

“Maybe he’s gay,” Rangiku continued drunkenly.

“Gay?  Hitsugaya?  I can’t imagine that,” Kira said, a thoughtful look on his face.

“Now, if you were talkin’ abou’ Ukitake and Shunsui, I’d agree, but Hitsugaya?  No way.”  Renji shook his head vehemently.  He only gained a headache for his trouble.

“I mean, he’s always takin’ candy from Ukitake.  And then there’s the way Shunsui seems to watch him all the time,” Matsumoto continued as if no one had said a thing.

“All that does is prove he’s a guy magnet,” Renji pointed out.

“Oh!  I know!”  She sat up from her slouched position and pointed her index finger toward the ceiling.  “He’s Byakuya’s boyfriend!”  She grinned ecstatically at her friends, not seeming to notice the fact that they were motioning for her to shut up.  “Taichou likes Kuchiki!  That must be it!”  She blinked at her friends.  “Nani?  Why do you look so scared?”

“Because I heard that,” a voice growled behind her as the temperature dropped.

Kira and Renji vanished in tandem.  Matsumoto turned around and grinned sheepishly at her captain.  “Oh…  Hello…”  She gulped, suddenly seeming sober.  She dropped her half-full bottle of sake and ran as fast as she could, barely dodging a strike from Hyourinmaru.  She raced out the door and nearly ran into a surprised Ukitake.  “Run if you value your life!” she shouted over her shoulder as she righted herself and took off once more.

Jyuushirou watched as Hitsugaya ran out the door and skidded to a halt, looking around.  “I’m gonna kill her!  Where is she?!”

“Uh, heh heh.  Shirou-chan, you should put that sharp sword down, you know,” Ukitake said, sweatdropping.

The zanpakutou-brandishing captain paused and frowned at the older man.  “They were talking about you, too, just to let you know,” he growled, re-sheathing his sword.

Ukitake quirked a white brow.  “Oh?  They were also drunk.  What did they say that has you so upset?  What did they say about me?”  He started to search through his robes for that mint he knew he’d put in there at the café after lunch.

“No candy, please,” Toushirou grumbled.  “They said you and Shunsui were gay for each other.”

“Oh.  Well, he is my boyfriend.  Ah!  Here it is!”  He pulled the red and white mint from one of his inside pockets and held it out to the prodigy before him.  “Here you go, Shirou-chan!”

“I said ‘no candy, please’!” Hitsugaya snapped.  Nonetheless, he took the proffered mint and stuffed it in his pocket.

“What had you so upset, Shirou-chan?” Ukitake asked curiously, not missing the fact that he had yet to get his answer.

There was a faint blush across his cheeks.  “I think she was going through my journal or something.  There’s no way she would have come up with something so accurate on her own without snooping.”  He pouted and turned away.

“What do you mean?  Did she find out about you and Byakuya?” Ukitake prodded, stepping up beside the boy and walking with him.

“Uh…  How did you know?” Hitsugaya asked nervously.

“I’m Seireitei’s best match-maker.  I’d have to know who’s single and who’s not,” Ukitake replied with a smile.  “I’m just happy that my little Shirou-chan’s all grown up!” he gushed.

“I’m going to vomit,” the boy prodigy muttered.

“Now, don’t do that, Shirou-chan!” Ukitake protested.

“Hn.”

-

I hope you liked it! I want people to request stuff, so feel free!