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God I said I'd do so much 2014. But I did learn some things. Remembered how to do some others (Like liking another person. It's a little strange to accept still. But its nice.) Lost some things (Some important than others! Like weight! I have lost 40lbs and at least 5 people a day tell me I look good and to keep it up.) and I intend to keep gaining and keeping momentum going into 2015.

I know I promised you guys I'd submit something everyday this day last year. Well I lied. I didn't mean too. A lot happened. Things I didn't explain to you guys...since...I stopped putting tid-bits of my personal life on here.

January 1 2014 started out great aside from the downslide in my Dad's health. His battles with cancer were all his life. It's not a pleasant experience for a nine year to go through chemo then have to do it all over again in your adult years. But it was progress. The Cancer that started in his eye (and resulted in it being removed) had started to spread. It had gone to his lungs where, well heck! it was treatable there. Started with his therpy and it was responding rather well. May comes along...

I was home by myself with him and I spent some time downstairs with him. Made sure he ate and we talked for awhile like always and watched tv. Asked him if he was alright and if he needed anything else. He was good so I went about my internet things upstairs when the dog paws at my door and I think nothing of it at first. Til I hear a kitchen chair slide and a loud thud...that I couldn't ignore. In all my 25 years of life. I have never had the need to call 911. Never thought I'd have too. You know what they say about saying never.

I recognized right off the bat he was seizing, right there in the kitchen. I didn't try to move him beyond partially rolling him over so he could breathe. Police and Paramedics came like they're supposed to and off to the hospital we were. I spent the night in ICU with him and the next day until a family friend insisted he take me home to get some sleep and eat. I really didn't want that but it was for the better. I had work so I didn't get many opportunities to see him the next few days. He got to come home sooner than we thought. And all I wanted for last four days was not only see him but I /needed/ to hug him. I started to cry when I finally did. And I'm not big on the hugging or crying thing.

Turns out the cancer had spread more; It was on his brain and apparently had been they're for a /very/ long time. Someone down the line messed up but that was matter at end. It was back to Chemo treatments in an attempt to slow it down. Another MRI later...The Liver. He was steadily loosing to cancer this time. We kept him always setup in the living room, oxygen, the whole nine yards. On his good days, I got him out of the house for awhile. I got him to eat a decent meal on Father's Day and I took him out. Just me and him. It had been years since he had been to the movies last. And he /really/ wanted to How to Train Your Dragon 2. He loved the first one. And he enjoyed the second just a much.

This would be the last thing we'd really get to do together. He got really bad, really quick. Even going back to the hospital once for a week after getting real sick but he bounced right back like he always did. And one day I was home getting ready to out for a bit to do somethings I really needed to do that I had been putting off ( Shoes. I really needed a new pair of shoes.) I kept hearing my mom talking to him and eventually a shout for my help. I helped my Mom guide my Dad to the floor since there was no point in getting him to stand. He mentally just wasn't there to do so. My Mom called 911 and I stayed with him, holding him upright. We got the oxygen to him and he eventually came around.

"H-hey...Why the /fuck/ am I on the floor...?"
"H-heh, You fell Dad...It's okay."

He came around just in time for the EMT's to show up. And he wasn't happy about it. He goes into the ER. And he's not good. A lot of this is a blur to me but I was pretty confident he'd bounce back like he always did. As the hours went by and he got increasingly worse. We all went home just to get a few hours sleep. Over the course of the night...the only thing keeping my Dad alive was a lot of machinery. And a lot of medication to keep the pain to a minimum. I watched my mom make the hardest choice anyone would ever have to make in their lives. To pull everything...

...And let him go.

Everyone that wanted to show up. Showed up and he stayed with us another 10 minutes after undoing everything and shutting things down. Where I can only hope he could still hear us.

I had support. And a lot of really really good company (That I have no idea how to ever repay this. One person in particular the most.) otherwise I don't know. I know Dad would never have wanted to me dwell on his passing and to keep going. He's not any pain anymore. He's fine now. I slowed down for sure. But I am picking up my pace again with the occasional breakdown, where I pick myself up and dust myself off. Onward I go.

Description
God I said I'd do so much 2014. But I did learn some things. Remembered how to do some others (Like liking another person. It's a little strange to accept still. But its nice.) Lost some things (Some important than others! Like weight! I have lost 40lbs and at least 5 people a day tell me I look good and to keep it up.) and I intend to keep gaining and keeping momentum going into 2015.

I know I promised you guys I'd submit something everyday this day last year. Well I lied. I didn't mean too. A lot happened. Things I didn't explain to you guys...since...I stopped putting tid-bits of my personal life on here.

January 1 2014 started out great aside from the downslide in my Dad's health. His battles with cancer were all his life. It's not a pleasant experience for a nine year to go through chemo then have to do it all over again in your adult years. But it was progress. The Cancer that started in his eye (and resulted in it being removed) had started to spread. It had gone to his lungs where, well heck! it was treatable there. Started with his therpy and it was responding rather well. May comes along...

I was home by myself with him and I spent some time downstairs with him. Made sure he ate and we talked for awhile like always and watched tv. Asked him if he was alright and if he needed anything else. He was good so I went about my internet things upstairs when the dog paws at my door and I think nothing of it at first. Til I hear a kitchen chair slide and a loud thud...that I couldn't ignore. In all my 25 years of life. I have never had the need to call 911. Never thought I'd have too. You know what they say about saying never.

I recognized right off the bat he was seizing, right there in the kitchen. I didn't try to move him beyond partially rolling him over so he could breathe. Police and Paramedics came like they're supposed to and off to the hospital we were. I spent the night in ICU with him and the next day until a family friend insisted he take me home to get some sleep and eat. I really didn't want that but it was for the better. I had work so I didn't get many opportunities to see him the next few days. He got to come home sooner than we thought. And all I wanted for last four days was not only see him but I /needed/ to hug him. I started to cry when I finally did. And I'm not big on the hugging or crying thing.

Turns out the cancer had spread more; It was on his brain and apparently had been they're for a /very/ long time. Someone down the line messed up but that was matter at end. It was back to Chemo treatments in an attempt to slow it down. Another MRI later...The Liver. He was steadily loosing to cancer this time. We kept him always setup in the living room, oxygen, the whole nine yards. On his good days, I got him out of the house for awhile. I got him to eat a decent meal on Father's Day and I took him out. Just me and him. It had been years since he had been to the movies last. And he /really/ wanted to How to Train Your Dragon 2. He loved the first one. And he enjoyed the second just a much.

This would be the last thing we'd really get to do together. He got really bad, really quick. Even going back to the hospital once for a week after getting real sick but he bounced right back like he always did. And one day I was home getting ready to out for a bit to do somethings I really needed to do that I had been putting off ( Shoes. I really needed a new pair of shoes.) I kept hearing my mom talking to him and eventually a shout for my help. I helped my Mom guide my Dad to the floor since there was no point in getting him to stand. He mentally just wasn't there to do so. My Mom called 911 and I stayed with him, holding him upright. We got the oxygen to him and he eventually came around.

"H-hey...Why the /fuck/ am I on the floor...?"
"H-heh, You fell Dad...It's okay."

He came around just in time for the EMT's to show up. And he wasn't happy about it. He goes into the ER. And he's not good. A lot of this is a blur to me but I was pretty confident he'd bounce back like he always did. As the hours went by and he got increasingly worse. We all went home just to get a few hours sleep. Over the course of the night...the only thing keeping my Dad alive was a lot of machinery. And a lot of medication to keep the pain to a minimum. I watched my mom make the hardest choice anyone would ever have to make in their lives. To pull everything...

...And let him go.

Everyone that wanted to show up. Showed up and he stayed with us another 10 minutes after undoing everything and shutting things down. Where I can only hope he could still hear us.

I had support. And a lot of really really good company (That I have no idea how to ever repay this. One person in particular the most.) otherwise I don't know. I know Dad would never have wanted to me dwell on his passing and to keep going. He's not any pain anymore. He's fine now. I slowed down for sure. But I am picking up my pace again with the occasional breakdown, where I pick myself up and dust myself off. Onward I go.