HOME | DD

Description
She moves around her bed trying to reach the alarm clock that’s been running along for the past 3 minutes.
She finally slams it cursing her bad habit of drinking too much and barely sleeping.
The clock indicates 6am, she rubs her eyes again the numbers didn't change, she curses and wobbles towards her bathroom, nearly knocks her head tripping over one of her shoes, she manages to stay still but bashes one of her toes and leans on her bathroom door.

“Nausea is filling up” she says to herself

She manages to take a quick shower and wears the first thing she grabs, a white dress.

“I’m wearing the wrong underwear” she thinks to herself.

She gobbles down some coffee and smokes her first cigarette, her nausea gets worse, she ignores it taking a huge gulp of her coffee.
She manages to match some jewelry with her dress and wears the most comfortable sandals.

“It’s going to be a long day” she says to herself, while applying some lip gloss.

She smiles at an old picture, lying on her desk, she picks it up.

“Well my love, it seems we shall meet again” she says to herself, while stuffing the picture into her bag.

She walks out of her apartment, puts her sunglasses on trying to avoid the sun, she always hated daylight, she preferred to live in the dark.
She grabs the first cab, smokes her second cigarette trying her best to ignore the traffic jam.

“Another day in Beirut” she thinks to herself.

She reaches Hamra Street; jumps off the cab and walks into Madina Theater grabbing some pamphlets of upcoming performances. She walks out, bumps into little children running around, she curses; she always hated children; she always hated herself as a child.
She heads towards Modca café; or what used to be Modca café; since it’s replaced by a clothes shop called Vero Moda.
She sighs watching the customers walk in; she tries to imagine how it used to be; where the bullet holes stood so proud; proud of their resistance to time.
She feels confused; her memory seems to be fading.
She walks into the building, waits for the elevator.
An old woman walks in waiting for the elevator as well.
She smiles to her, and before any stupid conversation takes place the elevator reaches its destination, they both get in clicking different numbers.
She gets her mobile phone out of her bag, and turns it on.

“No wonder it’s been silent” she thinks to herself.

She gets off on the second floor, walks into Fluid Company; a graphic design company she always enjoyed holding meetings at.
She greets Rachel; the happiest person to ever meet.

“How can she be so cheerful, 24 hours a day” she thinks to herself.

She makes herself a cup of coffee; while they have a useless conversation about the traffic jam and the disturbing heat.

Omar walks in, “right on time” she says.

They kiss and take the elevator down to the underground, where they’ve been working on their new space.
Omar smiles, while she frowns over the terrible ventilation.

“We should fix this Omar” she says.
“Yes it will be fixed by tomorrow, did you work on the technical requirements?” he says.
“Yes, they will be ready by tomorrow morning” she says.

They try to set up the space discussing different angles and what color to use.
She lights her third cigarette, sits down.

“Are you ok? You look pale” he says.
She smiles “Nothing new, just the normal drinking” she says.
“You know at this rate, you will be losing your lungs and liver by a year” he says.

She giggles and hits him gently on the shoulder.
She looks at her watch, it’s 1:00pm, she says good bye and walks out.
Her mobile phone rings, she ignores it and walks into De Prague.
Karam hangs up his phone, she smiles.
They kiss and sit.

He hands over the camera.
“You look pale” he says.

She ignores his comment and rubs her eyes.

“Drinking again?” he says.

She nods and lights her fourth cigarette.
She orders a glass of Jack Daniels.

“Isn’t it too early to drink?” he says.

She smiles and answers her mobile phone.
It’s one of her close friends, depressed again, she listens carefully sipping her drink, and tries to come up with the right answers.
She manages to say something but never the exact answer.
Karam indicates that he has to leave, she kisses him good bye and finishes off her conversation on the phone.
She sighs, she curses, why does she always have to listen.
She gulps her drink and orders another one.
Her ex boyfriend walks in, an ex she was still very close to, ironically enough they are the closest friends but refuse to meet at night.
They kiss, she takes a sip of her second drink and lights her fifth cigarette.

“I see you don’t intend to change your bad habits” he says.
“No not really” she says.

He orders a cup of coffee, while they discuss his upcoming wedding.

“So you’re getting married in June” she says.
He smiles, “You can’t miss it” he says.

She hugs him good bye.

She walks out and walks through Hamra Street again, observing random strangers, taking random pictures. She always felt like she belonged to that street, to that chaos.
She would always call this city Organized Chaos, for it has always been chaotic yet organized in its own way.

Her mobile phone rings, she picks up, “Good morning love” she says.
A scratchy voice answer back “How did you even manage to wake up?” he says.

They had gone drinking the previous night and every night since he arrived.

“Well, I’m used to it, now rise and shine sweetie, I’ll be passing by in an hour” she says teasingly.
He laughs “ok you crazy bitch, I’ll take a quick shower and grab some coffee” he says.

She continues walking through the same street, going through memories she had there. She remembered a fight she had with an ex lover and how they screamed their lungs out trying to make sense of their stupid attitude.
She smiles and lights her sixth cigarette, leaning over a wall that has a funny caricature drawn on it.
A young man running to kick a bomb that has a couple of seconds left before the huge explosion.

“Now this is what I call black humor” she says to herself.

She packs her camera and grabs a taxi, which leads her to her next destination.
She is greeted by two annoying little dogs that nearly manage to destroy her white dress.
He kisses her and frowns “are you wearing the wrong underwear?” he says.
She smiles “Apparently you are the only one that noticed love” she says.
They discuss random events and different locations they scheduled to film.
She lights her seventh cigarette and pours herself a glass of Jack Daniels.

He laughs “You amaze me, what is your stomach made of? Steal?” he says.

She ignores his comment and walks out to the balcony.

“Everything’s changing” she says.
“I know it’s depressing, so make up your mind” he says.
“We changed, the city changed” she says.
He frowns, she slaps his shoulder “I’m not being dramatic, I booked my flight, I’m leaving” she says.
He smiles “well done, you have finally matured” he says.

She finishes her drink in one gulp, kisses him good bye.

“Where are you going?” he says.
“Home, I’m meeting up with an ex boyfriend, haven’t seen him for ages” she says.
“You are simply nuts, always in touch with your ex lovers” he says.
She giggles; he laughs “do you even hate them? A bit?” he says.

She ignores his last sentence kissing him on the lips and heads out.

She grabs a cab and heads home.
She has so many things on her mind, she feels absurd.
She never feared traveling, yet she never expected to finally leave for good, a full year away.
Away from her home, her family and friends and far most her beloved city that means so much to her.
She found herself in Beirut, in the superimposed streets of chaos.
So many memories that built up her character, the way she is now, the way she dresses, thinks, breathes, drinks…it is within, always been there and always will.
She smiled at that thought noticing that she had reached home.
She manages to lie down for a while and dreams of surreal scenes, of different people in different locations.
She suddenly wakes up and realizes that her mobile phone has been ringing for the last couple of minutes.

She rubs her face and answers, “I’ll open the door in a sec, sorry I dozed off for a while” she says.

She opens the door and greats her ex lover, they hug and kiss.

He walks in and smiles, “it’s like I never left” he says.
She smiles “well you were here most of the time” she says.

She pours herself a glass of Jack Daniels and lights her eighth cigarette.

“I thought you were gonna stop smoking” he says.
She smiles “Well do you think I ever will?” she says.

He walks around the apartment, while they discuss random stories about what’s passed and done.

He sits by her side on the couch they made love on so many times “I’ve missed you” he says.
She forces a smile “that’s nice of you” she says.

He kisses her, she kisses him back.

She lights her ninth cigarette, he laughs “that’s so typical of you, a cigarette after a kiss” he says.
She smiles “so what was it that you wanted to tell me?” she says.
He looks at her white face “You look pale” he says.
“What is that you wanted to tell me?” she says, thinking of how much she loved him, how much she suffered to keep him, how much love she still had for him.
She wasn’t over him; she wasn’t going to fool herself.
“I still care about you, and I would hate to lose you as a friend, so here’s how it goes, I’ve been kinda seeing this girl and I want to make it work so we can’t keep doing this” he says.
“You mean showing up whenever you need something, or a quick fuck?” thinking to herself.
“You know what I mean” he says.
“Yes love I totally understand” she says.

She remembers the last she saw him, how happy they were, how blind she was, he was never hers, never would be hers, just another lover, another number labeled on his forehead.

“So I guess I will be calling you soon” he says.
She smiles “yes we’ll keep in touch” she says.

He kisses her farewell and walks out.

She sits still
She smokes
She drinks her humble whiskey
She stands up
She collects all the stuff that once belonged to him and previous lovers
She throws them down the street, where a proud garbage bin stands still
She lies on her bed
She erases all the memories she accumulated through out the years
She’s blank, finally serene

The alarm clock starts buzzing at 6am, she clicks it off and continues to stare at the ceiling, she hadn’t slept all night.

She dials a number “hello…yes…I was wondering if I could take the afternoon flight…yes…great…flight number 5823…yes…thank you”.

She smokes her first cigarette of the day
She walks around her apartment
She denounces her agony
She packs her bags

She laughs
For she is finally content

Description
She moves around her bed trying to reach the alarm clock that’s been running along for the past 3 minutes.
She finally slams it cursing her bad habit of drinking too much and barely sleeping.
The clock indicates 6am, she rubs her eyes again the numbers didn't change, she curses and wobbles towards her bathroom, nearly knocks her head tripping over one of her shoes, she manages to stay still but bashes one of her toes and leans on her bathroom door.

“Nausea is filling up” she says to herself

She manages to take a quick shower and wears the first thing she grabs, a white dress.

“I’m wearing the wrong underwear” she thinks to herself.

She gobbles down some coffee and smokes her first cigarette, her nausea gets worse, she ignores it taking a huge gulp of her coffee.
She manages to match some jewelry with her dress and wears the most comfortable sandals.

“It’s going to be a long day” she says to herself, while applying some lip gloss.

She smiles at an old picture, lying on her desk, she picks it up.

“Well my love, it seems we shall meet again” she says to herself, while stuffing the picture into her bag.

She walks out of her apartment, puts her sunglasses on trying to avoid the sun, she always hated daylight, she preferred to live in the dark.
She grabs the first cab, smokes her second cigarette trying her best to ignore the traffic jam.

“Another day in Beirut” she thinks to herself.

She reaches Hamra Street; jumps off the cab and walks into Madina Theater grabbing some pamphlets of upcoming performances. She walks out, bumps into little children running around, she curses; she always hated children; she always hated herself as a child.
She heads towards Modca café; or what used to be Modca café; since it’s replaced by a clothes shop called Vero Moda.
She sighs watching the customers walk in; she tries to imagine how it used to be; where the bullet holes stood so proud; proud of their resistance to time.
She feels confused; her memory seems to be fading.
She walks into the building, waits for the elevator.
An old woman walks in waiting for the elevator as well.
She smiles to her, and before any stupid conversation takes place the elevator reaches its destination, they both get in clicking different numbers.
She gets her mobile phone out of her bag, and turns it on.

“No wonder it’s been silent” she thinks to herself.

She gets off on the second floor, walks into Fluid Company; a graphic design company she always enjoyed holding meetings at.
She greets Rachel; the happiest person to ever meet.

“How can she be so cheerful, 24 hours a day” she thinks to herself.

She makes herself a cup of coffee; while they have a useless conversation about the traffic jam and the disturbing heat.

Omar walks in, “right on time” she says.

They kiss and take the elevator down to the underground, where they’ve been working on their new space.
Omar smiles, while she frowns over the terrible ventilation.

“We should fix this Omar” she says.
“Yes it will be fixed by tomorrow, did you work on the technical requirements?” he says.
“Yes, they will be ready by tomorrow morning” she says.

They try to set up the space discussing different angles and what color to use.
She lights her third cigarette, sits down.

“Are you ok? You look pale” he says.
She smiles “Nothing new, just the normal drinking” she says.
“You know at this rate, you will be losing your lungs and liver by a year” he says.

She giggles and hits him gently on the shoulder.
She looks at her watch, it’s 1:00pm, she says good bye and walks out.
Her mobile phone rings, she ignores it and walks into De Prague.
Karam hangs up his phone, she smiles.
They kiss and sit.

He hands over the camera.
“You look pale” he says.

She ignores his comment and rubs her eyes.

“Drinking again?” he says.

She nods and lights her fourth cigarette.
She orders a glass of Jack Daniels.

“Isn’t it too early to drink?” he says.

She smiles and answers her mobile phone.
It’s one of her close friends, depressed again, she listens carefully sipping her drink, and tries to come up with the right answers.
She manages to say something but never the exact answer.
Karam indicates that he has to leave, she kisses him good bye and finishes off her conversation on the phone.
She sighs, she curses, why does she always have to listen.
She gulps her drink and orders another one.
Her ex boyfriend walks in, an ex she was still very close to, ironically enough they are the closest friends but refuse to meet at night.
They kiss, she takes a sip of her second drink and lights her fifth cigarette.

“I see you don’t intend to change your bad habits” he says.
“No not really” she says.

He orders a cup of coffee, while they discuss his upcoming wedding.

“So you’re getting married in June” she says.
He smiles, “You can’t miss it” he says.

She hugs him good bye.

She walks out and walks through Hamra Street again, observing random strangers, taking random pictures. She always felt like she belonged to that street, to that chaos.
She would always call this city Organized Chaos, for it has always been chaotic yet organized in its own way.

Her mobile phone rings, she picks up, “Good morning love” she says.
A scratchy voice answer back “How did you even manage to wake up?” he says.

They had gone drinking the previous night and every night since he arrived.

“Well, I’m used to it, now rise and shine sweetie, I’ll be passing by in an hour” she says teasingly.
He laughs “ok you crazy bitch, I’ll take a quick shower and grab some coffee” he says.

She continues walking through the same street, going through memories she had there. She remembered a fight she had with an ex lover and how they screamed their lungs out trying to make sense of their stupid attitude.
She smiles and lights her sixth cigarette, leaning over a wall that has a funny caricature drawn on it.
A young man running to kick a bomb that has a couple of seconds left before the huge explosion.

“Now this is what I call black humor” she says to herself.

She packs her camera and grabs a taxi, which leads her to her next destination.
She is greeted by two annoying little dogs that nearly manage to destroy her white dress.
He kisses her and frowns “are you wearing the wrong underwear?” he says.
She smiles “Apparently you are the only one that noticed love” she says.
They discuss random events and different locations they scheduled to film.
She lights her seventh cigarette and pours herself a glass of Jack Daniels.

He laughs “You amaze me, what is your stomach made of? Steal?” he says.

She ignores his comment and walks out to the balcony.

“Everything’s changing” she says.
“I know it’s depressing, so make up your mind” he says.
“We changed, the city changed” she says.
He frowns, she slaps his shoulder “I’m not being dramatic, I booked my flight, I’m leaving” she says.
He smiles “well done, you have finally matured” he says.

She finishes her drink in one gulp, kisses him good bye.

“Where are you going?” he says.
“Home, I’m meeting up with an ex boyfriend, haven’t seen him for ages” she says.
“You are simply nuts, always in touch with your ex lovers” he says.
She giggles; he laughs “do you even hate them? A bit?” he says.

She ignores his last sentence kissing him on the lips and heads out.

She grabs a cab and heads home.
She has so many things on her mind, she feels absurd.
She never feared traveling, yet she never expected to finally leave for good, a full year away.
Away from her home, her family and friends and far most her beloved city that means so much to her.
She found herself in Beirut, in the superimposed streets of chaos.
So many memories that built up her character, the way she is now, the way she dresses, thinks, breathes, drinks…it is within, always been there and always will.
She smiled at that thought noticing that she had reached home.
She manages to lie down for a while and dreams of surreal scenes, of different people in different locations.
She suddenly wakes up and realizes that her mobile phone has been ringing for the last couple of minutes.

She rubs her face and answers, “I’ll open the door in a sec, sorry I dozed off for a while” she says.

She opens the door and greats her ex lover, they hug and kiss.

He walks in and smiles, “it’s like I never left” he says.
She smiles “well you were here most of the time” she says.

She pours herself a glass of Jack Daniels and lights her eighth cigarette.

“I thought you were gonna stop smoking” he says.
She smiles “Well do you think I ever will?” she says.

He walks around the apartment, while they discuss random stories about what’s passed and done.

He sits by her side on the couch they made love on so many times “I’ve missed you” he says.
She forces a smile “that’s nice of you” she says.

He kisses her, she kisses him back.

She lights her ninth cigarette, he laughs “that’s so typical of you, a cigarette after a kiss” he says.
She smiles “so what was it that you wanted to tell me?” she says.
He looks at her white face “You look pale” he says.
“What is that you wanted to tell me?” she says, thinking of how much she loved him, how much she suffered to keep him, how much love she still had for him.
She wasn’t over him; she wasn’t going to fool herself.
“I still care about you, and I would hate to lose you as a friend, so here’s how it goes, I’ve been kinda seeing this girl and I want to make it work so we can’t keep doing this” he says.
“You mean showing up whenever you need something, or a quick fuck?” thinking to herself.
“You know what I mean” he says.
“Yes love I totally understand” she says.

She remembers the last she saw him, how happy they were, how blind she was, he was never hers, never would be hers, just another lover, another number labeled on his forehead.

“So I guess I will be calling you soon” he says.
She smiles “yes we’ll keep in touch” she says.

He kisses her farewell and walks out.

She sits still
She smokes
She drinks her humble whiskey
She stands up
She collects all the stuff that once belonged to him and previous lovers
She throws them down the street, where a proud garbage bin stands still
She lies on her bed
She erases all the memories she accumulated through out the years
She’s blank, finally serene

The alarm clock starts buzzing at 6am, she clicks it off and continues to stare at the ceiling, she hadn’t slept all night.

She dials a number “hello…yes…I was wondering if I could take the afternoon flight…yes…great…flight number 5823…yes…thank you”.

She smokes her first cigarette of the day
She walks around her apartment
She denounces her agony
She packs her bags

She laughs
For she is finally content