Comments: 11
Berri-Kindred [2013-03-27 23:53:50 +0000 UTC]
^^
These characters sound so good in this! I like Azulfso and Brumika already! You set things up between them so well! It's so interesting to see a more serious part of the story.
I loved it when Brumika said, "I told Mommy that little people were real!"
I enjoyed this chapter a lot and am so glad to be reading this again!
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MabusTheDark In reply to Berri-Kindred [2013-03-27 23:57:18 +0000 UTC]
That line seems to be a fan favorite so far! (All two of you, tehehe. >///<) I thought that having some chapters describe something besides sunshine and rainbows would enrich the experience. Again, your feedback is deeply appreciated, and inspires me to write more!
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VanitysEdge [2013-03-25 19:34:17 +0000 UTC]
This chapter begins with descriptions that can only be done by a writer such as yourself. I could almost smell the charred flesh, and feel the fear that she felt watching her village burn to ground. It was as painful to endure as much as it was for Brumika herself. You make an excellent connection with the reader in that sense.
Honestly in terms of quality I feel you skyrocketed in ability in this chapter. The images you paint are vivid and the characters all are unique and likable. And that "I told mommy little people were real!" well that is going to be my new deviantart signature. That is so full of freaking win.
I'm eager to see what direction you are going to be heading with this piece, I have never seen anything quite like this and once again I'm overflowing with excitement! Keep writing Josh!
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MabusTheDark In reply to VanitysEdge [2013-03-25 19:38:25 +0000 UTC]
I will most certainly keep writing, and I hope you will keep reading. :"3
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KittySib [2012-10-18 20:50:41 +0000 UTC]
Uh oh....bad stuff happening and that bad goddess is behind it somehow ...0.0
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AuraTh56 [2012-09-13 00:23:10 +0000 UTC]
OwO I feel like these two would make for a good drawing..~~
Oh also second to last paragraph, 4-5 lines in said paragraph "As she stood, her was not much shorter than the traveler." The part I darkened doesn't make much sense in the sentence (even if you can still figure out what their saying anyway). I'd change it to this: "As she stood, she noticed she was not much shorter than the traveler." If you want you can change it to something else, but that's just what I thought would make the sentence make more sense xD;;
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MabusTheDark In reply to AuraTh56 [2012-09-13 03:15:01 +0000 UTC]
Argh, thought I had gotten rid of all the typos. DX Thank you very much. And yeah, that might actually make for an awesome drawing.
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