HOME | DD

Description
"One more bite." Hawke pleaded with Willow "and something green."
The small child wrinkled her face stubbornly at her. "I want to read stories."
"You will when you're finished." She said sternly, always returning to the authoritarian figure with the children. The other two ate peacefully, while Willow, sat twitching wanting nothing more than to continue playing.
From a rustle in the bushes an accented purr supported her plea.
"Careful child your mothers fury tore apart a city, killed a high dragon and scared the pants of many thugs. I think the safer battle is with the broccoli."
Hawke looked up, the blond man smiled.
"Zevran!" She exclaimed greeting her old friend. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."
They embraced, Willow took her mother's distraction, to attempt to push her vegetables off the plate.
"Don't you dare." She scolded, ushering Zevran to a seat with the rest.
"I swear every time I find you your family gets more beautiful." He exclaimed.
Hawke laughed. "And how exactly did you find us?"
"I found the shop keeper with a broken nose, who only called me knife ear once and apologised for it." He relayed amusingly.
"I still don't see why I wasn't allowed to hit him." Fenris grumbled.
"They would have arrested you my love." Hawke said softly.
She met Zevran's quizzical gaze. "It seems the racism is still alive in Ferelden. That particular shopkeeper told me "To Leash my hound." Her side long glance at Fenris was enough for Zevran to understand to whom the shop keeper was referring to.
Sun sniggered "Good thing you were there to educate him on tolerance."
Hawke rolled her eyes. "Remember children, we only strike a person when absolutely necessary."
"Like when they are a jack ass."
"Sun language!" Hawke exclaimed,
"She is right." Fenris grumbled, as the younger children giggled.
"You think we could have a veneer of civility for just a moment while we have company."
Zevran laughed "Do not mind me. I always enjoyed your banter."
"Come for the conversation, stay for the hospitality." Fenris kept his steel demeanour when addressing the assassin.
Hawke rolled her eyes, "little ones time for reading then bed." She called out, placing her plate to one side and collecting Boon's and Willow's still with vegetables untouched.
Sun stood "I'll go with you." Leaving the two men to their own company.

Fenris put his own plate down and fished about for a large bottle of wine, uncorking it with his teeth.
Zevran fidgeted in the silence. "You're very lucky." He said finally breaking the tension. "From fugitive to family man."
As he lifted the bottle to his lips, Zevran saw the faintest smile creep onto Fenris' face As he took a large gulp, and passed the bottle across so as not to be an inhospitable host.
"If it wasn't for Hawke's unwavering patience, there would be none of it."
Zevran was surprised by the sweetness that past his lips. He looked to his host who smiled, "after stealing Danerius store I grew fond of the more expensive wine."
"You have fine taste." The assassin noted handing the bottle back. "Albeit exotic."
"Ferelden wines are terrible," Fenris took another gulp, "it's too cold here,"
"But the women are exquisite, every country can't have every gift."
Fenris laughed, placing a hand over his mouth to keep the liquid from squirting out.
"I can't vouch for every woman from Ferelden but the few I have met were exceptional." Arianne, Hawke's best friend and Fenris's own greatest ally, Aveline the tall honest guard Captian all freckles and fiery hair, and Bethany, Hawke's younger sister and one of the few mages he had ever considered a friend and of course his Own Faith Hawke, the champion.
"Your Warden, was she from around here?"
Zevran's chipper facade dropped for a second. "From Ferelden but Not from Lothering, she never mentioned where she was born, some princely estate to a Nobel family."
Fenris chuckled at the irony, Hawke's mother had also given up an estate for love. He wondered if his own daughters would be cursed to pick the pauper over the prince.
"You have never had a problem with Hawke's status?"
"I have never been in competition with the bastard prince of Ferelden for her affection." Fenris mused "did you? I didn't think you were the possessive type."
Zevran rose an eyebrow at the warriors in depth knowledge of his past.
"Neither did I."
~
A knot twisted inside Zevran's stomach. It was late they had all returned to camp after speaking with the Arl.
Dae and Alistair spoke in hushed tones together, her hand rested on his arm she smiled gently up at him, washing away the lines of worry instantly on his face.
The Arl wanted to put him forward to contend for the crown at the Landsmeet, Zevran had over heard that much, as well as the tale of how he was the product of some miss begotten affair between king and Maid.
His mind leapt forward to the bumbling chantry boy crowned, every King must have a Queen. Would he take his half brothers wife, he had heard tales of Anora's beauty and wit, it could be the best way to bring Loghain's supporters under control wedding his daughter, but the more he watched them, the more he wondered the warriors intentions.
"It's a good thing they have each other." Wynne mused stirring the stew on the fire, "These are trying times."
He looked up at her, unsure what she meant.
"As the only two Grey Wardens left in Ferelden, there is no one else who would understand. Not even you can be there for her all the time." She added. "Their road is a long one, full of nightmares and worse now, politics."
"Dae will be fine at the Landsmeet." He said "She speaks well, and people trust her. She is a good leader, even though she doesn't see it." Yet in the back of his mind he heard his voice say. "She will be a good queen."
"Lucky for Alistair, she is all the things he is not." She chuckled quietly. "Perhaps that is why Duncan chose her, social graces come naturally to that girl as breathing."
It did seem that perhaps that was the strength Duncan had seen in her. Zevran had never met the Grey Warden leader, and he had only heard the stories from Dae about the day he had come to the circle looking for recruits.
He must have known about Alistair's birthright, Zevran's mind was full of conspiracies and dark theories. Self confidence washing down stream as jealousy filled its spot. She had said she loved him, no he had stolen her heart. Something stolen could always be stolen again.
He heard a squeal and a giggle as he saw Alistair lift her off her feat and swing her around. He placed her down and hugged her again, some exchange that left the young man exited.
Zevran huffed, swallowing the lump in his throat and leaving Wynne to her musings about the pair. He sat in front of his tent, retrieving his wet stone and began to hone his blade hoping the comfort of repetition would take his mind of the things that were going on, but it didn't. The quiet reflection making it all worse. He had witnessed the kiss in the hall all those days ago, and worse the moment that preceded it. Now every moment after he kept seeing those hints.
Shouldn't she have righted the love sick wardens affections instead of pandering to them.
She laughed a little breathlessly as she approached him. "He took me right off my feet did you see?" She chirped "Big idiot. I had found an amulet in the things the Arl had given us for helping. I didn't realise it was his mothers, he had broken it in his youth. It's a bit like those gloves of yours, you don't realise how much you miss them until they are gone."
"That's nice." He said flatly.
"Are you alright?" She was concerned, the last couple if days he had slowly become more and more quiet.
"I'm fine."
"You're very snippy today."
"And if I am?" He stopped what he was doing and looked at her, gold eyes burning. "I'm not your court jester I don't have to smile and dance for you every day."
She frowned crossing her arms "That's not what I meant Zev, something is bothering you."
"My distinct lack of freedom. Can't I have five minutes with out being harassed?" He lashed out, converting any feelings of jealousy in him into something he could process.
She stepped back a little shocked by his tone, "I'm sorry," She apologised softly. "I didn't realise you felt that way. I will leave you to it then." She turned to leave.
Everything was going wrong, spiralling out of control, he needed a way out, but he had sworn an oath that only she could release him from. He gritted his teeth as a plan formed in his head. It was low even by his standards, but it would be just the thing to enrage her enough to release him from his vow. He chose his words carefully.
"Warden." He began "While your next talking to the dwarf you mind asking him for the money he owes me for bedding you."
Dae felt her heart fall through her feet, she turned back to him. "Excuse me?"
"We had a bet." Zevran's face was neither smug nor apologetic, he was still, his eyes trained on her, watching her reaction.
"For how much?" She asked, her words slow, as she tried with all her might not to let the tears win.
"10 sovereign"
She walked towards him, and rifled through her bag for a coin purse. "Here's 20 since you did such a thorough job." Her tone dripped with venom as her sweet face darkened and eyes narrowed, suddenly aware eyes and ears of the whole camp were on them.
"Quite the inflation." She added "From the 3 silver you use to be worth." She paused before adding darkly "Now leave."
Zevran took a minute to react, the gold heavy in his hand. Her final words had been expected, after all it was what he wanted, to be out of the way so as not to watch the mating dance of the two humans. But he have never expected that she had words to wound him. Yet in one sentence she put a finger on the raw nerve and pushed down, hard.
He smiled, to hide the agony, and she turned from him with an angry flurry of skirts.
~

Fenris said nothing, as the assassin relayed his story, simply passed over the wine.
"Jealousy. It is a green eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on." He added after the silence grew to much, a quote he had read from a play book Hawke had loaned him about times gone passed, about a warrior with a beautiful wife who loved him more than the earth loved water. Yet he was foolish enough to take heed to the lies of others. Instead of listening to the truth from his lovers lips.
Zevran laughed at the irony and made to return the bottle. Hawke intercepted stepping over the log and seating herself between them.
"What are you two gossiping about?" She asked pleased to see them getting along.
"The folly of men." Zevran offered,
"My favourite." She took a swig before, licking her lips and kissing Fenris on the cheek as she returned it. In her hand she held a parcel, wrapped in a rough brown paper neatly covered it.
She began untying the twine that circled it, carefully pulling the old paper away.
"Is it another package from Dae?" Fenris asked watching her.
"A journal, I think."
Zevran had to hold back a gasp as in his friends hands sat the old leather bound book Dae was almost never seen with out. She was for ever sketching and taking notes. It's cover stained, pages warped from water or snow as she tried to get something down, to important to wait for a dryer spot.
Hawke opened the book, the pages rustling through her fingers and she parted a few that that pressed together. The first page was a Mabari, square faced like Hawke's own hound, but with bigger eyes.
"Remi." Zevran told them, "He survived Ostigar I'm told, found the party on the roads leaving the wilds."
She turned the pages "Dae mentioned a Qunari."
"Sten." Zev informed her
"That's just what they call their warriors." Fenris interjected "There is more than one sten."
"Sten is what we called him, he was the only Sten we had."
The stoic warrior had joined them before he did, he didn't know how he came to tag along, only that he was always there, quietly disapproving of everything in the corner. Dae adopted stragglers, it didn't matter where they were from or what their pasts were, if they were willing to help she accepted it.
The next page was Wynne, then Alistair. Hawke paused running her finger along the creese, "Something was ripped out from here." She said feeling the rough edges of the paper left behind. She held the book by its cover and shook it, to see if any loose papers still remained in the journal.
A piece flutter to the ground. Creases still visible despite and obvious attempt to straighten it out. Fenris bent to pick it up. Giving a quick look over and handing it on to Zevran.
Hawke kept flicking pages recognising a few of the landscapes.
"Denerim," she pointed out.
"and the alienage." Fenris said eyeing up the sacred tree. She flicked back a few pages "Ostigar? And Redcliffe? That right Zev?"
Zevran looked up, busy caught in his own thoughts, the page that had been torn, screwed up and straightened out was a page with a sketch of him. On the back, was his hand writing, a few phrases in Antivan. Dae had begged him to teach her early on, its how they had gotten to know each other. Regaling her with stories of his youth, things that he thought would amuse no one, least of all the beautiful Mage.
"Oh? Yes." He answered finally. "And the temple in the Bricillian Forrest," as she turned the page, then more writing, a few phrases jotted down in abstract places on the page then something that looked like the stanza of a poem. The words in common tongue written under each word.
Hawke read the poem out loud.
"The symphony I see in thee,
It whispers songs to me. Songs of hot breath upon my neck, Songs of soft sighs by my head,
Songs of nails upon my back, Songs of thee come to my bed."
She chuckled "One of yours?" she asked Zevran
He shook his head "Not originally but I presume it stuck with Dae as it stuck with me."
There was another phrase next to the poem. His hand writing again Hawke pointed at it, "So what's that one?"
He shook his head "It was a test for her, it can be a test for you." He sighed perhaps she never found its meaning, there were no more language notes, no more poems or sketches of friends, a image got repeated over and over, an eye teeth, scales and flame. The arch demon, shrieks and skeletons.
Then a door, or was it a mirror, the frame was wrought writhing twists and turns of some wood or branch but she had shaded it to shine like metal. The door itself was a pool reflective like a Mirror but not reflecting anything at all.
"Less than one year." Was written in the corner, "All the good being good did, I have lest than one year to live."

He left, Zevran the toad! Well I did ask him too, I had too, my virginity for 10 Sovereign. I hope he chokes on the gold!
I heard the others talking, I think Alistair was going to come over and see if I was ok. But Morrigan must have dissuaded him.
"A man will not fix a mess a man has made." Was her words exact.
She took me to the woods, to the wildest places, she showed me how to be as the animals are. Heart break seams like nothing as a bear, with the moon on your fur, the prospect of salmon. Running and climbing through the wilderness.
We stayed away from the camp for hours. Saying nothing and everything. Talking Of mothers, of growing up, of being told to be one way but wanting to be another.
Morrigan is an only child too, she has no sister in this world, and no one other than her mother, even then that relationship is tenuous.
I told her she is the closest I will have to a sister, she laughed, but I think she appreciated the sentiment.

Before bed I found one of the gloves I had given him, I stared at it for a long time, I can picture the day I gave it to him perfectly. He was so surprised some one had been kind to him. I threw it out of the tent, I will be haunted enough by the memory of him.

"Your telling me I have to get married!" Alistair exclaimed as he and Dae sat shoulder to shoulder by their tents, on watch duty.
"If you take the throne yes."
"Can't Anora do it, rule as queen? She seems to think she has been doing a fine job."
Dae laughed. "Well beside from the Blight and her father killing her husband, the general running of Ferelden has been smashing. But..." She let it hang in the air.
"Yours is an old blood line, and this country is old fashioned. Your blood means more to these men than her skill." She shook her head. "All they see is pouty lips, big eyes and the possibilities of strong heirs."
Alistair curled up his lip. Aemon had asked her to talk to him about it but she was getting the same reception.
"The logical step would be to wed her, gain her followers and Still appease those who think your fathers blood matters."
"You don't think I can be king, do you." His tone was soft, riddled with self doubt he looked to her Earnestly.
"I didn't say that. I think you have the makings of a fine ruler. Your kind, and smarter than you think. Anora has the experience you don't. She would at least be a good consort."
"This whole marriage with out love doesn't sit right with me." He told her, shaking his head.
"It's a partnership, that's all. Mother told me from a young age its all you can hope for. Marriage to a man you don't hate, with enough money to live easy." She pulled at her sleeves. "It will be easy for me, she'd say. Big eyes and easy giggles, stay wide eyed and foolish. A man doesn't like a woman with two many smarts, or two much experience."
"That's horrible!" Alistair exclaimed "I would love you no matter how many roads you traveled before me. So long as we could travel the rest together."
Dae smiled. "See words like that, and some dancing skills, they will be eating out of your hands."
"No one said any thing about dancing!" Alistair said paling.
Dae stood and dusted off her skirts. She looked around camp to see if any one was awake. With no one in sight she held out her hand.
"It's easy." She said. "All you have to do is count."
He stood up and faced her. Taking her hand is his. She moved her tiny digits into a more appropriate grip, and took his other hand placing it on her waist.
"You can step closer." She whispered making fun of the large gap between them.
He cautiously took a step towards her, watching huge booted feet next to her tiny ones, bare in the night,
"Please don't step on my toes." She told him as she straightened her self up.
"Right foot forward, left foot out, both feet together." She explained, stepping her parts out slowly so he could follow.
His head bent he watched his feet, as they repeated the pattern over so he could get the hang of it.
"Papa said its only 10% politics." Dae chuckled. "The rest is charm. Why do you think Cailin was so popular?"
"The shining golden armour?"
"And the perfect smile, golden hair, strong jaw, and good manners."
Alistair couldn't hide his small sigh "You were a fan then."
"Jealous?"
"Perhaps a little." He looked up and blushed.
Dae smiled. "He was all flash, just a bird with beautiful plumage. You are at least a man of action."
Alistair said nothing, for a while as they continued to dance to their own song slowly around camp. Dae moved closer resting her head against his shoulder, as their footwork dissolved into slow swaying. The sighing of the trees punctuating their movements. The sting from Zevran's parting lingered in her, but Alistair proved to be a suitable balm. She didn't want to substitute one for the other. But a broken heart cries for attention.
His hand moved from hers to meet his other at her waist, then slid up her back to stroke her hair.
She looked up, he smiled.
"Makers breath you're beautiful." He remarked looking at her in a way that made her heart skip. A sweet sincerity filling his eyes as he looked at her. Had she really been missing something wonderful that had been under her nose the whole time? Had Zevran distracted her from the true love who had stood beside her, some what awkwardly since they had met.
She touched his cheek guiding his lips towards hers. Some what more tactful than their first kiss, on the mountain in the inn. Both drunk and foolish.
Lips touched, hearts fluttered for an instant her eyes closed she let the feeling wash over her. She tried not to compare the two, but it was hard with the assassin forever on the edge of her thoughts despite trying to wash him from her mind. In amongst the rise of emotions their hearts sunk. They both felt it, the onset of darkspawn. The twist in the stomach that called and moved them. They broke away looking for the ambush. And the first shriek appeared.
Dae created a wall of ice, the blizzard buffeting and freezing their opponents, giving Alistair enough time to gather his weapon.
Alistair shouted to rouse the others, a corpse warrior shambled towards Dae un effected by her ice. Between her fingers lightning formed and danced forth, making him collaps to the ground.
Alistair waded through the throngs, giving Dae a bit of room. It was not that she could not handle a fight its just that she had focused on her magic for so long she didn't have the greatest defences.
A hiss, and the sound of a breathless cry alerted her to the Arcane horror she would have to deal with. She cast her spell, hoping to hold him still enough. Since they mostly resisted magic. But the monster moved too quick, in the blink of an eye it had gone the way it came. She turned her attention back too the masses unable to do anything until it surfaced again. She felt it, an ice creeping through her veins an Agony so powerful it robbed her of movement. Her heart hurt most of all, as if all the pain rocketing through her body was collecting and pooling there. She didn't feel herself drop, she didn't feel the breath empty her lungs, after the bolt of pain that speed through her body for what felt like and eternity she didn't feel anything at all. A serene absence of feeling washed over her.
She opened her eyes to the green islands, the wind crisp over her, this time a door glowed ahead and with no where else to go she stepped forward. Teleported to a smaller island she approached a silver bowl that sat in the centre of the island. Confused, alone she stood at the lip, looking into the swirling waters. She saw her friends finishing the battle, Alistair rushing to her side as the realisation dawned. This wasn't a fade dream,
"I'm dead." She whispered her breath turning to ice crystals.
"For now you are not wrong." A voice answered, a light wisp floated to her side, it bore the shape of a woman but had no distinguishing features. "But it will not be for long."
She placed a hand on her heart. "Maker be thanked."
"You will be back with out a doubt."
"Well I didn't think I would live for ever." She quipped
"before this year is out." The spirit touched the water and the scene changed. Alistar carried her limp in his arms, his face long his steps slow and weighted.
"It is a sacrifice you must make." She said looking at Dae as tears began to well in the young wardens eyes. "No matter who's heart you will break."
"It's the future you must protect," again the water changed its images a young girl lost in the green islands. She was only a child, braving the land of demons alone, the wind catching her red hair blowing it back of her face, revealing peridot eyes, high check bones and along straight elvish nose. A wisp with Dae's face comforted the child.
"The fate of the world this decision will effect." The final vision showed the world bathed in a green light. A tare in the sky spewed forth demons, and spirits.
The visioned returned to her, lifeless on the battle field, Morrigan held her hand, while Wynne bent over her, she could see the light, she could feel it tug to her. Pull her back to her body.
"So I have to die?" She asked the spirit "give my life, to do some greater good in the future? Leave my friends and family."
"Yes."
"But there was still so much I wanted to do."

Her body gasped, and she sat up. Tears falling down her face, the corpses of shrieks still littering their camp. Wynne threw a blanket around her shoulders and Morrigan pressed a warm cup of tea into her hands. "You gave us quiet a scare there."
"I'm sorry." She apologised, she didn't know why, she was in shock but not from the physical aspect but the emotional revelation the spirit gave her.
Wynne patted her head, "I think we should put you in your tent, get you some rest."
"No." She said quickly. "No thank you. For the moment I would rather be awake."
"I will sit up with you and finish the watch," Alistair said, the concern unmistakable on his face.
"And I will actually keep watch." Sten grumbled from behind.
Morrigan gave her hand a squeeze before leaving, Wynne one last check over. Even Oghren gave her a quick once over to make sure she was alright before heading back to his tent. Alistair made a comfortable sitting place for the two of them. A safe distance from the fire. Dae was a touch wobbly on her feet but like a proper gentle man he helped her find her way. She curled her knees into her, resting her chin on them raising only to sip at the tea. She could feel Alistair mulling words over in his head, and couldn't help but think Zevran would know how to make her feel better. Know how to make it all feel like a bad dream. He would take her hands in his, look into her eyes until she stopped blushing and looked back and smile.
Dae bit her bottom lip and stifled the shudder of breath, Alistair put his arm around her shoulders squeezing her close. "About the dancing." He began wanting desperately to broach the subject of the kiss cut off short, but now was not the time, now she needed to recover. "Maybe we should leave it until we are at the Arl's, or at least not on watch."

I have done a stupid thing cousin, why does no one explain all this to you.
It's not that I don't care for Alistair really I do, but I can't love him as he wants me to. I have tried. Every time I think of Zevran, its been weeks and I still think of him.
Now I know I only have until the year its out, I think about him more. I worry I will never see him again, I am still angry with him of course, I just want him to explain. If that happened maybe I could move on.
We have reached Denerium, I sit in my own room in the estate. A few things to do before the Landsmeet, I am unfocused, I am a disgrace to the name Grey warden.
"A sacrifice you must make,
No matter who's heart you break."
She had your hair cousin, the little girl I helped, and the Amell cheek bones, but she was so little. we were not big children, yet by comparison she was Faye like.
I wonder who she is, who am I to help in the fade.
What the green rifts were.
"No matter who's heart I break."
Would he care any more? A man use to death with a heart cold to love, would it break his heart to know I died.
Too few answers cousin,
But I know how you love riddles.

Dae

***

Description
"One more bite." Hawke pleaded with Willow "and something green."
The small child wrinkled her face stubbornly at her. "I want to read stories."
"You will when you're finished." She said sternly, always returning to the authoritarian figure with the children. The other two ate peacefully, while Willow, sat twitching wanting nothing more than to continue playing.
From a rustle in the bushes an accented purr supported her plea.
"Careful child your mothers fury tore apart a city, killed a high dragon and scared the pants of many thugs. I think the safer battle is with the broccoli."
Hawke looked up, the blond man smiled.
"Zevran!" She exclaimed greeting her old friend. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."
They embraced, Willow took her mother's distraction, to attempt to push her vegetables off the plate.
"Don't you dare." She scolded, ushering Zevran to a seat with the rest.
"I swear every time I find you your family gets more beautiful." He exclaimed.
Hawke laughed. "And how exactly did you find us?"
"I found the shop keeper with a broken nose, who only called me knife ear once and apologised for it." He relayed amusingly.
"I still don't see why I wasn't allowed to hit him." Fenris grumbled.
"They would have arrested you my love." Hawke said softly.
She met Zevran's quizzical gaze. "It seems the racism is still alive in Ferelden. That particular shopkeeper told me "To Leash my hound." Her side long glance at Fenris was enough for Zevran to understand to whom the shop keeper was referring to.
Sun sniggered "Good thing you were there to educate him on tolerance."
Hawke rolled her eyes. "Remember children, we only strike a person when absolutely necessary."
"Like when they are a jack ass."
"Sun language!" Hawke exclaimed,
"She is right." Fenris grumbled, as the younger children giggled.
"You think we could have a veneer of civility for just a moment while we have company."
Zevran laughed "Do not mind me. I always enjoyed your banter."
"Come for the conversation, stay for the hospitality." Fenris kept his steel demeanour when addressing the assassin.
Hawke rolled her eyes, "little ones time for reading then bed." She called out, placing her plate to one side and collecting Boon's and Willow's still with vegetables untouched.
Sun stood "I'll go with you." Leaving the two men to their own company.

Fenris put his own plate down and fished about for a large bottle of wine, uncorking it with his teeth.
Zevran fidgeted in the silence. "You're very lucky." He said finally breaking the tension. "From fugitive to family man."
As he lifted the bottle to his lips, Zevran saw the faintest smile creep onto Fenris' face As he took a large gulp, and passed the bottle across so as not to be an inhospitable host.
"If it wasn't for Hawke's unwavering patience, there would be none of it."
Zevran was surprised by the sweetness that past his lips. He looked to his host who smiled, "after stealing Danerius store I grew fond of the more expensive wine."
"You have fine taste." The assassin noted handing the bottle back. "Albeit exotic."
"Ferelden wines are terrible," Fenris took another gulp, "it's too cold here,"
"But the women are exquisite, every country can't have every gift."
Fenris laughed, placing a hand over his mouth to keep the liquid from squirting out.
"I can't vouch for every woman from Ferelden but the few I have met were exceptional." Arianne, Hawke's best friend and Fenris's own greatest ally, Aveline the tall honest guard Captian all freckles and fiery hair, and Bethany, Hawke's younger sister and one of the few mages he had ever considered a friend and of course his Own Faith Hawke, the champion.
"Your Warden, was she from around here?"
Zevran's chipper facade dropped for a second. "From Ferelden but Not from Lothering, she never mentioned where she was born, some princely estate to a Nobel family."
Fenris chuckled at the irony, Hawke's mother had also given up an estate for love. He wondered if his own daughters would be cursed to pick the pauper over the prince.
"You have never had a problem with Hawke's status?"
"I have never been in competition with the bastard prince of Ferelden for her affection." Fenris mused "did you? I didn't think you were the possessive type."
Zevran rose an eyebrow at the warriors in depth knowledge of his past.
"Neither did I."
~
A knot twisted inside Zevran's stomach. It was late they had all returned to camp after speaking with the Arl.
Dae and Alistair spoke in hushed tones together, her hand rested on his arm she smiled gently up at him, washing away the lines of worry instantly on his face.
The Arl wanted to put him forward to contend for the crown at the Landsmeet, Zevran had over heard that much, as well as the tale of how he was the product of some miss begotten affair between king and Maid.
His mind leapt forward to the bumbling chantry boy crowned, every King must have a Queen. Would he take his half brothers wife, he had heard tales of Anora's beauty and wit, it could be the best way to bring Loghain's supporters under control wedding his daughter, but the more he watched them, the more he wondered the warriors intentions.
"It's a good thing they have each other." Wynne mused stirring the stew on the fire, "These are trying times."
He looked up at her, unsure what she meant.
"As the only two Grey Wardens left in Ferelden, there is no one else who would understand. Not even you can be there for her all the time." She added. "Their road is a long one, full of nightmares and worse now, politics."
"Dae will be fine at the Landsmeet." He said "She speaks well, and people trust her. She is a good leader, even though she doesn't see it." Yet in the back of his mind he heard his voice say. "She will be a good queen."
"Lucky for Alistair, she is all the things he is not." She chuckled quietly. "Perhaps that is why Duncan chose her, social graces come naturally to that girl as breathing."
It did seem that perhaps that was the strength Duncan had seen in her. Zevran had never met the Grey Warden leader, and he had only heard the stories from Dae about the day he had come to the circle looking for recruits.
He must have known about Alistair's birthright, Zevran's mind was full of conspiracies and dark theories. Self confidence washing down stream as jealousy filled its spot. She had said she loved him, no he had stolen her heart. Something stolen could always be stolen again.
He heard a squeal and a giggle as he saw Alistair lift her off her feat and swing her around. He placed her down and hugged her again, some exchange that left the young man exited.
Zevran huffed, swallowing the lump in his throat and leaving Wynne to her musings about the pair. He sat in front of his tent, retrieving his wet stone and began to hone his blade hoping the comfort of repetition would take his mind of the things that were going on, but it didn't. The quiet reflection making it all worse. He had witnessed the kiss in the hall all those days ago, and worse the moment that preceded it. Now every moment after he kept seeing those hints.
Shouldn't she have righted the love sick wardens affections instead of pandering to them.
She laughed a little breathlessly as she approached him. "He took me right off my feet did you see?" She chirped "Big idiot. I had found an amulet in the things the Arl had given us for helping. I didn't realise it was his mothers, he had broken it in his youth. It's a bit like those gloves of yours, you don't realise how much you miss them until they are gone."
"That's nice." He said flatly.
"Are you alright?" She was concerned, the last couple if days he had slowly become more and more quiet.
"I'm fine."
"You're very snippy today."
"And if I am?" He stopped what he was doing and looked at her, gold eyes burning. "I'm not your court jester I don't have to smile and dance for you every day."
She frowned crossing her arms "That's not what I meant Zev, something is bothering you."
"My distinct lack of freedom. Can't I have five minutes with out being harassed?" He lashed out, converting any feelings of jealousy in him into something he could process.
She stepped back a little shocked by his tone, "I'm sorry," She apologised softly. "I didn't realise you felt that way. I will leave you to it then." She turned to leave.
Everything was going wrong, spiralling out of control, he needed a way out, but he had sworn an oath that only she could release him from. He gritted his teeth as a plan formed in his head. It was low even by his standards, but it would be just the thing to enrage her enough to release him from his vow. He chose his words carefully.
"Warden." He began "While your next talking to the dwarf you mind asking him for the money he owes me for bedding you."
Dae felt her heart fall through her feet, she turned back to him. "Excuse me?"
"We had a bet." Zevran's face was neither smug nor apologetic, he was still, his eyes trained on her, watching her reaction.
"For how much?" She asked, her words slow, as she tried with all her might not to let the tears win.
"10 sovereign"
She walked towards him, and rifled through her bag for a coin purse. "Here's 20 since you did such a thorough job." Her tone dripped with venom as her sweet face darkened and eyes narrowed, suddenly aware eyes and ears of the whole camp were on them.
"Quite the inflation." She added "From the 3 silver you use to be worth." She paused before adding darkly "Now leave."
Zevran took a minute to react, the gold heavy in his hand. Her final words had been expected, after all it was what he wanted, to be out of the way so as not to watch the mating dance of the two humans. But he have never expected that she had words to wound him. Yet in one sentence she put a finger on the raw nerve and pushed down, hard.
He smiled, to hide the agony, and she turned from him with an angry flurry of skirts.
~

Fenris said nothing, as the assassin relayed his story, simply passed over the wine.
"Jealousy. It is a green eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on." He added after the silence grew to much, a quote he had read from a play book Hawke had loaned him about times gone passed, about a warrior with a beautiful wife who loved him more than the earth loved water. Yet he was foolish enough to take heed to the lies of others. Instead of listening to the truth from his lovers lips.
Zevran laughed at the irony and made to return the bottle. Hawke intercepted stepping over the log and seating herself between them.
"What are you two gossiping about?" She asked pleased to see them getting along.
"The folly of men." Zevran offered,
"My favourite." She took a swig before, licking her lips and kissing Fenris on the cheek as she returned it. In her hand she held a parcel, wrapped in a rough brown paper neatly covered it.
She began untying the twine that circled it, carefully pulling the old paper away.
"Is it another package from Dae?" Fenris asked watching her.
"A journal, I think."
Zevran had to hold back a gasp as in his friends hands sat the old leather bound book Dae was almost never seen with out. She was for ever sketching and taking notes. It's cover stained, pages warped from water or snow as she tried to get something down, to important to wait for a dryer spot.
Hawke opened the book, the pages rustling through her fingers and she parted a few that that pressed together. The first page was a Mabari, square faced like Hawke's own hound, but with bigger eyes.
"Remi." Zevran told them, "He survived Ostigar I'm told, found the party on the roads leaving the wilds."
She turned the pages "Dae mentioned a Qunari."
"Sten." Zev informed her
"That's just what they call their warriors." Fenris interjected "There is more than one sten."
"Sten is what we called him, he was the only Sten we had."
The stoic warrior had joined them before he did, he didn't know how he came to tag along, only that he was always there, quietly disapproving of everything in the corner. Dae adopted stragglers, it didn't matter where they were from or what their pasts were, if they were willing to help she accepted it.
The next page was Wynne, then Alistair. Hawke paused running her finger along the creese, "Something was ripped out from here." She said feeling the rough edges of the paper left behind. She held the book by its cover and shook it, to see if any loose papers still remained in the journal.
A piece flutter to the ground. Creases still visible despite and obvious attempt to straighten it out. Fenris bent to pick it up. Giving a quick look over and handing it on to Zevran.
Hawke kept flicking pages recognising a few of the landscapes.
"Denerim," she pointed out.
"and the alienage." Fenris said eyeing up the sacred tree. She flicked back a few pages "Ostigar? And Redcliffe? That right Zev?"
Zevran looked up, busy caught in his own thoughts, the page that had been torn, screwed up and straightened out was a page with a sketch of him. On the back, was his hand writing, a few phrases in Antivan. Dae had begged him to teach her early on, its how they had gotten to know each other. Regaling her with stories of his youth, things that he thought would amuse no one, least of all the beautiful Mage.
"Oh? Yes." He answered finally. "And the temple in the Bricillian Forrest," as she turned the page, then more writing, a few phrases jotted down in abstract places on the page then something that looked like the stanza of a poem. The words in common tongue written under each word.
Hawke read the poem out loud.
"The symphony I see in thee,
It whispers songs to me. Songs of hot breath upon my neck, Songs of soft sighs by my head,
Songs of nails upon my back, Songs of thee come to my bed."
She chuckled "One of yours?" she asked Zevran
He shook his head "Not originally but I presume it stuck with Dae as it stuck with me."
There was another phrase next to the poem. His hand writing again Hawke pointed at it, "So what's that one?"
He shook his head "It was a test for her, it can be a test for you." He sighed perhaps she never found its meaning, there were no more language notes, no more poems or sketches of friends, a image got repeated over and over, an eye teeth, scales and flame. The arch demon, shrieks and skeletons.
Then a door, or was it a mirror, the frame was wrought writhing twists and turns of some wood or branch but she had shaded it to shine like metal. The door itself was a pool reflective like a Mirror but not reflecting anything at all.
"Less than one year." Was written in the corner, "All the good being good did, I have lest than one year to live."

He left, Zevran the toad! Well I did ask him too, I had too, my virginity for 10 Sovereign. I hope he chokes on the gold!
I heard the others talking, I think Alistair was going to come over and see if I was ok. But Morrigan must have dissuaded him.
"A man will not fix a mess a man has made." Was her words exact.
She took me to the woods, to the wildest places, she showed me how to be as the animals are. Heart break seams like nothing as a bear, with the moon on your fur, the prospect of salmon. Running and climbing through the wilderness.
We stayed away from the camp for hours. Saying nothing and everything. Talking Of mothers, of growing up, of being told to be one way but wanting to be another.
Morrigan is an only child too, she has no sister in this world, and no one other than her mother, even then that relationship is tenuous.
I told her she is the closest I will have to a sister, she laughed, but I think she appreciated the sentiment.

Before bed I found one of the gloves I had given him, I stared at it for a long time, I can picture the day I gave it to him perfectly. He was so surprised some one had been kind to him. I threw it out of the tent, I will be haunted enough by the memory of him.

"Your telling me I have to get married!" Alistair exclaimed as he and Dae sat shoulder to shoulder by their tents, on watch duty.
"If you take the throne yes."
"Can't Anora do it, rule as queen? She seems to think she has been doing a fine job."
Dae laughed. "Well beside from the Blight and her father killing her husband, the general running of Ferelden has been smashing. But..." She let it hang in the air.
"Yours is an old blood line, and this country is old fashioned. Your blood means more to these men than her skill." She shook her head. "All they see is pouty lips, big eyes and the possibilities of strong heirs."
Alistair curled up his lip. Aemon had asked her to talk to him about it but she was getting the same reception.
"The logical step would be to wed her, gain her followers and Still appease those who think your fathers blood matters."
"You don't think I can be king, do you." His tone was soft, riddled with self doubt he looked to her Earnestly.
"I didn't say that. I think you have the makings of a fine ruler. Your kind, and smarter than you think. Anora has the experience you don't. She would at least be a good consort."
"This whole marriage with out love doesn't sit right with me." He told her, shaking his head.
"It's a partnership, that's all. Mother told me from a young age its all you can hope for. Marriage to a man you don't hate, with enough money to live easy." She pulled at her sleeves. "It will be easy for me, she'd say. Big eyes and easy giggles, stay wide eyed and foolish. A man doesn't like a woman with two many smarts, or two much experience."
"That's horrible!" Alistair exclaimed "I would love you no matter how many roads you traveled before me. So long as we could travel the rest together."
Dae smiled. "See words like that, and some dancing skills, they will be eating out of your hands."
"No one said any thing about dancing!" Alistair said paling.
Dae stood and dusted off her skirts. She looked around camp to see if any one was awake. With no one in sight she held out her hand.
"It's easy." She said. "All you have to do is count."
He stood up and faced her. Taking her hand is his. She moved her tiny digits into a more appropriate grip, and took his other hand placing it on her waist.
"You can step closer." She whispered making fun of the large gap between them.
He cautiously took a step towards her, watching huge booted feet next to her tiny ones, bare in the night,
"Please don't step on my toes." She told him as she straightened her self up.
"Right foot forward, left foot out, both feet together." She explained, stepping her parts out slowly so he could follow.
His head bent he watched his feet, as they repeated the pattern over so he could get the hang of it.
"Papa said its only 10% politics." Dae chuckled. "The rest is charm. Why do you think Cailin was so popular?"
"The shining golden armour?"
"And the perfect smile, golden hair, strong jaw, and good manners."
Alistair couldn't hide his small sigh "You were a fan then."
"Jealous?"
"Perhaps a little." He looked up and blushed.
Dae smiled. "He was all flash, just a bird with beautiful plumage. You are at least a man of action."
Alistair said nothing, for a while as they continued to dance to their own song slowly around camp. Dae moved closer resting her head against his shoulder, as their footwork dissolved into slow swaying. The sighing of the trees punctuating their movements. The sting from Zevran's parting lingered in her, but Alistair proved to be a suitable balm. She didn't want to substitute one for the other. But a broken heart cries for attention.
His hand moved from hers to meet his other at her waist, then slid up her back to stroke her hair.
She looked up, he smiled.
"Makers breath you're beautiful." He remarked looking at her in a way that made her heart skip. A sweet sincerity filling his eyes as he looked at her. Had she really been missing something wonderful that had been under her nose the whole time? Had Zevran distracted her from the true love who had stood beside her, some what awkwardly since they had met.
She touched his cheek guiding his lips towards hers. Some what more tactful than their first kiss, on the mountain in the inn. Both drunk and foolish.
Lips touched, hearts fluttered for an instant her eyes closed she let the feeling wash over her. She tried not to compare the two, but it was hard with the assassin forever on the edge of her thoughts despite trying to wash him from her mind. In amongst the rise of emotions their hearts sunk. They both felt it, the onset of darkspawn. The twist in the stomach that called and moved them. They broke away looking for the ambush. And the first shriek appeared.
Dae created a wall of ice, the blizzard buffeting and freezing their opponents, giving Alistair enough time to gather his weapon.
Alistair shouted to rouse the others, a corpse warrior shambled towards Dae un effected by her ice. Between her fingers lightning formed and danced forth, making him collaps to the ground.
Alistair waded through the throngs, giving Dae a bit of room. It was not that she could not handle a fight its just that she had focused on her magic for so long she didn't have the greatest defences.
A hiss, and the sound of a breathless cry alerted her to the Arcane horror she would have to deal with. She cast her spell, hoping to hold him still enough. Since they mostly resisted magic. But the monster moved too quick, in the blink of an eye it had gone the way it came. She turned her attention back too the masses unable to do anything until it surfaced again. She felt it, an ice creeping through her veins an Agony so powerful it robbed her of movement. Her heart hurt most of all, as if all the pain rocketing through her body was collecting and pooling there. She didn't feel herself drop, she didn't feel the breath empty her lungs, after the bolt of pain that speed through her body for what felt like and eternity she didn't feel anything at all. A serene absence of feeling washed over her.
She opened her eyes to the green islands, the wind crisp over her, this time a door glowed ahead and with no where else to go she stepped forward. Teleported to a smaller island she approached a silver bowl that sat in the centre of the island. Confused, alone she stood at the lip, looking into the swirling waters. She saw her friends finishing the battle, Alistair rushing to her side as the realisation dawned. This wasn't a fade dream,
"I'm dead." She whispered her breath turning to ice crystals.
"For now you are not wrong." A voice answered, a light wisp floated to her side, it bore the shape of a woman but had no distinguishing features. "But it will not be for long."
She placed a hand on her heart. "Maker be thanked."
"You will be back with out a doubt."
"Well I didn't think I would live for ever." She quipped
"before this year is out." The spirit touched the water and the scene changed. Alistar carried her limp in his arms, his face long his steps slow and weighted.
"It is a sacrifice you must make." She said looking at Dae as tears began to well in the young wardens eyes. "No matter who's heart you will break."
"It's the future you must protect," again the water changed its images a young girl lost in the green islands. She was only a child, braving the land of demons alone, the wind catching her red hair blowing it back of her face, revealing peridot eyes, high check bones and along straight elvish nose. A wisp with Dae's face comforted the child.
"The fate of the world this decision will effect." The final vision showed the world bathed in a green light. A tare in the sky spewed forth demons, and spirits.
The visioned returned to her, lifeless on the battle field, Morrigan held her hand, while Wynne bent over her, she could see the light, she could feel it tug to her. Pull her back to her body.
"So I have to die?" She asked the spirit "give my life, to do some greater good in the future? Leave my friends and family."
"Yes."
"But there was still so much I wanted to do."

Her body gasped, and she sat up. Tears falling down her face, the corpses of shrieks still littering their camp. Wynne threw a blanket around her shoulders and Morrigan pressed a warm cup of tea into her hands. "You gave us quiet a scare there."
"I'm sorry." She apologised, she didn't know why, she was in shock but not from the physical aspect but the emotional revelation the spirit gave her.
Wynne patted her head, "I think we should put you in your tent, get you some rest."
"No." She said quickly. "No thank you. For the moment I would rather be awake."
"I will sit up with you and finish the watch," Alistair said, the concern unmistakable on his face.
"And I will actually keep watch." Sten grumbled from behind.
Morrigan gave her hand a squeeze before leaving, Wynne one last check over. Even Oghren gave her a quick once over to make sure she was alright before heading back to his tent. Alistair made a comfortable sitting place for the two of them. A safe distance from the fire. Dae was a touch wobbly on her feet but like a proper gentle man he helped her find her way. She curled her knees into her, resting her chin on them raising only to sip at the tea. She could feel Alistair mulling words over in his head, and couldn't help but think Zevran would know how to make her feel better. Know how to make it all feel like a bad dream. He would take her hands in his, look into her eyes until she stopped blushing and looked back and smile.
Dae bit her bottom lip and stifled the shudder of breath, Alistair put his arm around her shoulders squeezing her close. "About the dancing." He began wanting desperately to broach the subject of the kiss cut off short, but now was not the time, now she needed to recover. "Maybe we should leave it until we are at the Arl's, or at least not on watch."

I have done a stupid thing cousin, why does no one explain all this to you.
It's not that I don't care for Alistair really I do, but I can't love him as he wants me to. I have tried. Every time I think of Zevran, its been weeks and I still think of him.
Now I know I only have until the year its out, I think about him more. I worry I will never see him again, I am still angry with him of course, I just want him to explain. If that happened maybe I could move on.
We have reached Denerium, I sit in my own room in the estate. A few things to do before the Landsmeet, I am unfocused, I am a disgrace to the name Grey warden.
"A sacrifice you must make,
No matter who's heart you break."
She had your hair cousin, the little girl I helped, and the Amell cheek bones, but she was so little. we were not big children, yet by comparison she was Faye like.
I wonder who she is, who am I to help in the fade.
What the green rifts were.
"No matter who's heart I break."
Would he care any more? A man use to death with a heart cold to love, would it break his heart to know I died.
Too few answers cousin,
But I know how you love riddles.

Dae

***