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MaireeMargaret — more than a memory
by-nc-nd
Published: 2009-11-06 16:48:00 +0000 UTC; Views: 376; Favourites: 10; Downloads: 2
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Description
i'm phoning our answering machine just so i can hear your voice. sometimes it feels like i'm forgetting who you are and that scares me. i feel like i'm hysterical, i feel like i'm having a panic attack.my friends try to comfort me, but hands on shoulders and tears on cheeks don't heal wounds. i end up phoning them anyway just so i can hear that everything will be alright. just so i can hear them say that i'll make it through this.
i ripped your pictures from the wall because whenever i looked at them it felt like my body had been drenched in gasoline and someone threw a match on me. i was on fire when i looked at your pictures, and it hurt so bad. it felt like someone threw a rock through my abdomen and now there's just a gaping hole there for everyone to look into.
i burnt all your clothes and belongings because your smell was too overwhelming. i loved your smell once. but now it's just a reminder that i won't be seeing you again. the tears streamed down my face as i did it. i kept a few of my favourite you things, though. your university sweatshirt. your button-up that i liked wearing to bed. and the picture of you and me on our one year anniversary.
i watch the tape of our graduation day sometimes. most of the time, i assume it'll comfort me. remind me that i did have a life before this. that i once was living.
but most of the time it just brings me to my knees, sobs ripping my throat, my hole in my stomach leaking bitter blood.
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Comments: 17
that i once was living.
I think that sentence is the only one I have a problem with. It just seems awkwardly phrased.
I really liked this angle and just yes. Great job.
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i love this,
i love this a little too much, though
so i'm going to critique it (if you don't mind)
i think you shouldn't of included marriage,
because in the end i felt like you kind of
exaggerated it.
because it flows smoothingly in the beginning like a fresh teenage romance, but i personally feel that if you were talking about marriage you should have focused on specific emotions. because you literally married that person, and those type of emotions you described don't really match the emotions the ex-wife might've felt because it's possibly more intense due to the long-term relationship, it could've been good if you ended it with the teenage scenario.
otherwise, this was brilliant
it basically expalined what i'm feeling
right now.
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First off, thank you for critiquing this. Nothing makes me happier than when I get a critique. Ah, you just made an amazing day even better.
And, yeah, I definitely agree with you. The marriage part felt...forced, if you know what I mean.
I'm very, very sorry you're feeling this right now, too. This feeling is just excruciating. I've never been in love in the romantic way, but I've lost a grandparent that I loved with all my heart. It felt like someone ripped me apart slowly, tearing bits of me off for every tear I shed.
Thank you, again. And, I'm sorry. Again.
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oh my god, i'm so sorry to hear that
i know the feeling of losing somebody close
and the feeling is beyond words, i'm really sorry. you're a beautiful writer, i just hesitated to comment somewhat because i didn't want to discourage you because this is such a beautiful piece.
but i'm so glad you took it positively,
i'll be sure to check out more of your work soon. i was very satasfied with this one, so thank you!
here anytime if you need help,
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It was years ago. I mean, it still hurts once in a while, but I'm fine. You can only go up from a feeling like that. Constructive criticism is amazing. And I'm not easily discouraged, ha.
Thank you very much! And I'm here for you as well, if you need help.
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That was really good. It set a good mood. Well not a good mood, but in the sense of writing, yes. Haha sorry. . . .
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Mthank you so much!
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You're welcome! :]
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this is...0.0000000000000000000000000000000001 part bad.
that minus 0.0000000000000000000000000000000001.
*gasp* YOU JUST MADE ME DO MATH!!
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