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Malichan121 — Rainbows with Style
Published: 2012-08-12 11:16:19 +0000 UTC; Views: 1068; Favourites: 57; Downloads: 13
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Made with prismacolor pen and crayola colored pencil.For the tinierme x tokidoki contest.
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edit:
oh jeez, I didn't even make it into the voting part of the contest.
T_T
and I was so excited.
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Comments: 69
;A; I'm pretty sure it is my fault, I'm so sorry T_T
I really liked your piece compared to most of the pictures in the voting part of it.
;A; I wasn't sure if you wanted it cropped or what not, I guess they didn't like it flipped.
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eh Krystame? Not your fault at all! You actually saved me because not matter what I did I couldn't get the pic in the right size. lol.
I'll just look forward to the next contest.
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Ahh, ok ;v;
I feel so bad now....argh...since TM is dead now
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lol. It's fine, I actually feel a little better about it cause it is closing. If I had won the prizes, I would be pissed to have to let them go.
I saw your thread the other day about easy death? I hope you don't get too down on yourself. Just live how you want to live.
I'm so slick at changing subjects.
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I'd imagine so, I still wish I could have made it into the top three, not for the items but just for the recognization but problems always happen around contest times where I either have to rush the picture or I don't have the ability to.
I try not to be but it is hard to do when I have actual depression and I'm not just sad for random periods over small things. I've been sad for years and years and sometimes I feel happiness or the lack of sadness but it is rare and has gotten a lot worse lately.
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I love contests though, they give you a competitive feeling that I like. >.<
I think you should take out everything in your life that is affecting you negatively and try to find and do stuff that make you happy. This could go on the the point that I think life is a search for happiness, but I don't want to go all physiological on you. xU
It's best to focus on the good things.
for instance, you are an AMAZING artist.
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I love them as well when I am motivated, I'll admit I want to surpass whoever I can, I just want to know I am improving.
That is the thing when you are actually depressed. Even if I took things out of my life it wouldn't change how I'd feel at all. More so I need something in my life to keep me feeling ok....
er...I don't know how to explain how I feel or anything but this whole thing might explain it a tad better then I ever could.
[link]
I can't simply be happy or get rid of my sadness, trust me If I could I'd do anything I could to be happy but it really doesn't work.
Depression is an illness, a chemical imbalance that is hard to change, etc.
I do focus on the good things actually. No one ever thinks I do but I really do....
Thank you haha.
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that website was a little depressing to read.
It makes it seem like there is nothing I can say or do to help you get out of depression other than just sit and stare.
lol. I think I gave you number 1. I'm a genius.
:I
I can relate with the blog well though. I wouldn't say I'm depressed but, I'm sure everybody goes into that state of mind sometimes.
I think what helps is focusing on something to do. A goal. What to do? I'm not sure. I guess it depends on the person.
What are you planning to do in the future?
If you think like that then you don't get stuck in the present fears and sadness. I think I do this a lot. What do you think?
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It is how the mind of an actual depressed person is. I tried so long to explain to people how I felt but no one ever understands. That site explains better then I could but people still don't seem to understand.
I'd say yes, everyone has little bouts like that once in awhile but for someone like me I've been going through this for years straight. I'm supposed to be on medication but can't get it.
That is one of the problems, I do have goals, I try to focus and it just stresses me out more, art used to make me feel better but it makes me feel worse now.
I tried everything and nothing helps. That is actually what depresses me more, thinking about the future, my mind overthinks. I hate to say this but even if everything in the world is going great for me, I'm still sad...
It is a highly rare feeling when I'm not...I KNOW what can help but it is something I can't get. I just don't want to be lonely...that is all I want, all I really need...to feel cared for. I'm serious when I say this, nothing else there possibly is makes me feel better even if I try to pretend it helps. No one believes me when I say I need something...I mean it. I'm always alone, when I am around people I can't talk at all. Even around good friends I can barely speak even if I try. I'm only able to talk comfortably with one person in person and I think I might have ruined it...
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Years huh? You must have endured a lot.
I don't think I could have gone for long in a state of depression. I'd probably...call it quits. yea. In the situation I'm in right now I can't be depressed or I'd die.
You don't get cared for?
There is nobody around you that cares for you?
Are you sure?
You have someone who can truly share what your thinking, and that person to understand what you mean, and to help you with your problems.
But, you think you might have ruined your relationship with that person?
Fix it up with that person. Quickly. >.<
If you can really talk and laugh with at least one person in your life, I suggest you hold them close to you.
Depression aside, I think every human being needs a person like that.
To me, that person would be my sister, she is always next to me. Without her I would be lost. If I have fought with her I would do anything in my power to make up with her, even if it's her fault. xD
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Yeah, I'm 20 now and I started feeling this way when I was maybe around 13? I was always sad but a few years ago it got worse, my doctor told me I had depression and said I can take meds if I wanted. I didn't think I needed medication but this past year I've just felt extremely worse. I don't get why when it seems my lifes gotten better. Maybe it is because what I said earlier about how I feel lonely. I don't get human interaction the majority of the time. For over the past month I've only seen my parents, I never actually talk to them but yeah...
That is the thing, I almost have once was a few months ago where I attempted it but stopped myself before anything. The second time was recently where I posted what I did on Tinierme.
No, not at all. The most I have is a roof over my head, computer and phone. I never eat, we never have food so I only eat once a day or not at all.
I think about it...no, only people who pretend but as soon as I start talking about how I feel they ignore me or scold me.
Yes...sadly. I consider him a very close friend out of all my friends, whenever there is anyone around or whatever he is the only one I can have a convo with that can go on and on, we have a lot in common.
(this is a entirely different story so I won't actually talk about it)my ex cheated on me after he left us, I gave him my friends so he was pretty close with everyone. I told this friend of mine about it...but..idk I wasn't sad over it, I actually got "happier"
And then...I don't know, I ended up getting feelings for my friend, oddly after that we got "closer" not meaning to. I meant to hide it from him until the feelings went away but then a few weeks later something happened between us....it was a mistake I guess. I realized after being even more depressed that I have to tell him how I feel because it was eating me inside, I texted him and told him. He obviously rejected me.
He did it very kindly though. I thought everything was fine but now that I think about it I probably made a huge mistake twice. First one was the thing that happened before, the second was telling him. He doesn't text me anymore when I text him, he seems...more cold? I guess. I mean I'm not sure at all.
Then again he has some stuff going on with him as well right now, very bad luck he is having
I'm really not sure how to fix it or talk to him now, I feel scared to even try to text him out of fear of annoying him. I'd go into more detail but that might make things even longer then this already is ><
Yes, he is seriously the only friend who has never upset me, even when he rejected me I felt fine...I mean I cried a bit but normally when heartbroken you feel like your chest is ripping open while when he did it it felt more like it was being melded together? like a warming feeling?
I wish I could be closer with my sis, she is never serious though and just wants to use me for things. Me and her used to fight but we never really do anymore, then again she was in prison for a few years.
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I'm not an expert on life or anything but from that I would say you should probably go out and meet more people. Make better friends. Join a group in a college or sports team? I dunno, but it will help get rid of the loneliness a little.
And ohmygosh. You gotta eat girl! <
If you don't eat much, that has to be a reason for low energy. Although if you eat too much then you lose energy as well. lol. there is a fine balance.
Your guy, if he really is a friend to you and if he thinks the same about you then you guys should get back together. Probably give him a little space for a few days, but after then go talk to him face-to-face. Texting is hard to keep a relationship together.
Either you want to be just friends again or more, you probably need him by your side right?
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Well, that is kinda very hard for me over here 8'D people where I live aren't good people. Honestly the friends I have now are the best I can get in my opinion. The rest are extreme partiers, meth heads, super super screechy anime fans (I wouldn't mind if they weren't screaming in everyones ears 24/7 which I REALLY can't have that)
I think I am something like a selective mute? not exactly but it is impossible for me to even speak a word to most people even if they are talking to me...
I can't go to college, if I do I want to go to an art one but I can't afford it and I refuse to go to a community one and such. Sports are a definite know due to health problems and having to wear more revealing clothes. (I don't like showing any of my skin honestly, I barely even like showing my face)
I wish I could eat. No food, I had some chocolate but my mom got mad at me cause that was supposed to be my christmas gift. I told her I knew that but my dad opened it and already ate half of it.....at that he doesn't even like that type of chocolate.
Funny that people associate weight gain with over eating, you are more likely to gain wait from not eating. I am overweight, I wish I could eat more because I'm afraid due to the lack of food I might gain more weight. I don't eat much anyways....
Me and him were never....together. We purely had a platonic friendship, heck he forgot I was a girl a few weeks before hand XD
I haven't seen him in over a month, last we were together in person (same time I last had contact with people as well) was Halloween. I haven't texted him in over a week.
We can't see each other in person anyways, we used to all hang out at our other friends house who is down the street from me, from what I know of he can't really get down here (I think he lives all the way across town) he got his car stolen and then crashed so he doesn't really have a way to come down lately until he gets it fixed.
Yeah, I'd wish for the second option. He technically "gave me hope" but I can probably guarantee he only wrote it to make me not as sad.
I hate to admit it but yeah...I do. His presence cheers me up.
Actually, there is only one other person whose presence cheers me up more then him. It is a friend I never see anymore, even when we finally did see each other we barely spoke, only said hi, I was having a bad time at the time and yeah...but that person being around makes me very happy, heck he cheered me up just by putting his hand on my shoulder.
Note, this second person I can never ask to hang out, he already made that clear that he is never going to hang out with me, at least not just me.
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It sounds like you need to get yourself out of that situation. It's not benefiting you in any way, if you are starting to think about suicide.
I know this might sound weird but, if I were you I would go on a trip. For a few weeks, maybe months. Get detached from the everyday situation you are facing and meet new people. It could be a roadtrip or abroad, somewhere new and far away from where you live. It might sound unreasonable but, I feel life is to take chances, and before it ends to try and live to the fullest.
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I wish I could. I am one of the poorest people (besides people in shelters and on the streets) My family never has food, today is the first time I have eaten in awhile actually. I can't even afford dollar store food. I wish to sell my art but I can't do that either because I can't afford a bank account. I can't get a job so I'm probably going to have to get SSI but I can't go by myself but no one can take me.
Yeah, I'm kind of trapped.
The closest thing to a trip I've had was staying at a friends house for a few days or going to an anime con with them...sadly the actual trip was the most horrible time I had in a long time.
Before that the only actual TRIP I went on was on a robotics trip to Kansas City, it was really fun. Other then that I've only been out of my state once.
Maybe, I think I don't like taking too many chances, I'm actually really scared of vehicles so I never plan on getting a car.
I've been trying to be more open in life...which I have. I have improved a lot over the past few years, I never even had friends in the past, I had no friends in elementary school or middle school. I didn't get any til my first senior year of HS. I was a senior for three years haha.
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One thing my dad says to me often is,
"Everything is temporary."
Wether it's good or bad things that are happening, nothing lasts forever.
And I know by experience that everything in this world is balanced out.
You can't and will not have more bad in your life than good, and vice versa.
Your situation sounds grave, but I definitely 100% think it can only get better. Not by giving up of course, but by trying your best everyday at whatever you are doing.
Set up an immediate goal for yourself, perhaps it could be to get a job. It's your choice. But it could help you to work toward something and help take your mind of depression.
I found a video that really supports my thoughts:
[link]
and it's not about the suicide, it's mainly the message in the video I agree with. Everything is temporary, even our lives.
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I guess that can make sense. For some people it never gets better thing which is sad to say but I guess for the majority of people it goes the way you say.
I haven't given up yet, even if I am on the verge of it I still try.
Job is out of the question unless it doesn't involve human interaction and labor work. Which is why I'm trying to get my art good enough to where people will want to buy it so I can at least make money that way, maybe get on SSI because I know I can qualify.
Yeah, honestly if I had some videogames I'd probably be doing a bit better, they always used to help stop me from thinking about life.
I see >': yeah
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There is no way a person will have hardships all throughout their lives unless they effed up something by themselves and didn't bother to fix it. I'd say it's similar to the situation of a homeless person on the street. They sit there all day, not bothering to try and change their lives. They probably have before, but unless you are constantly trying, nothing is going to happen.
I am glad you are still trying, giving your best is always rewarded in one form or the other.
Human interaction might help you. Might stop the lonely feeling you have. But, nobody can force you.
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Some people can't try sometimes, I mean hey I'll admit some people who have it extremely hard in life (such as people missing all limbs) get some sort of break in life making it better, idk how to explain what I mean though.
Then again there are some people who always try, things get a tad better at times then a whole lot worse until they find out they have a life threatening problem. Sad but true sometimes.
I know you are more likely to get badly ill if you are always sad. I try not to be because I don't want to be more sick in any sort of way. Oddly enough I have a very good immune system but generally bad health problems. *rambled because I haven't been able to sleep in a day*
Yeah, I hope so. I mean even though I can't I still try to exercise. Then now I'm trying to re-talk to my friend again.
Yeah, I am always paranoid so I asked him if it was okay for me to still randomly go to our friends house just to make sure.
Before I go over there though I found something to keep me content and "happy" I always feel better in a way when I do things for people I hold close even if they probably don't feel the same. I told you before that art doesn't help me at all, I suppose I accidentally lied. Drawing doesn't help at all but clay work is very nice.
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If you are doing your best to be happy and rid of most negative thoughts, then that is great.
And the fact that may be able to talk with your friend again is also nice news. >.<
Molding clay is fun xD It's too bad I horribly suck at it. I don't doubt you are better than me. And if you want to vent stress just make a fist and
BAM
on the clay.
stress. released.
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I know how you feel, I draw two different arts and I didn't make it in either.
; n ;
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so is my sister. she is currently raging. >.<
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Yeah I'm sure that some of them spent time and effort over their designs; but at the end of the day it's not how much effort or time to put in, but the end product.
:c
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I agree, although what I meant was she was raging that they didn't pick my picture.
xD
I liked your picture too. 
even a sentence would do.
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yah well; I guess that's just life eh?
I literally wasted 3hrs+ of my life drawing something
ohwell.
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it's not a waste though.
every picture you draw you get better. 
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:<
no supposing.
know it.
understand it.
be it.
O.O
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I really like your style ^^ It''s just too bad that you coloured the sky.. looks a bit unprofessional with the skratching/lining.. Just saying it cause the rest is so awesome
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oh. I did that on purpose. xD
but, thank you for your opinion.
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I just wanna say tht ur work is just so prettyful and eyecatching, that i keep going back to my faves just to admire it >< lol hope thts not weird sounding!
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haha, that make me happy to hear. so thanks.
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*o* I shall wote for you with all my mules //slapped
It's amazing <3 <3 I love your art <3 <3 <3
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I'd be extremely happy if you do,
but you don't have to. lol.
thank you.
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sheesh... will i even get a runners up? T_T
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Wooooaaaaahhhhh I love your style! I entered, too. Man this contest is going to have a lot of strong artists. I'll definitely vote for this one if it makes it. ^^
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lol. thank you.
why not vote for your own?
not that I don't appreciate the thought.
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You get 3 votes. :3 One for me, one for you, and one undecided.
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OMG I hope you in that contest!
Amazing work
I've entered but my entry is pretty awful xD
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I doubt you entry is horrible. xD
you are..Ribbit?
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it really is ;v;
yes i am ribbit ovo
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>.>
nothing ribbit makes can be horrible.
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it can it can o . o
I really hope you win lol xD
<33
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I'm not so optimistic to as it winning but, I hope for at least top 20.
>.<
I'd like to see yours up there as well.
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hurpdurp
I really hope so too ; u ;
i shall scan in the lineart soon
I might enter a lineart + coloured entry?
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