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Description
Not many people know that Grandma’s wheelchair could turn into an awesome TEAL colored mechanical exoskeleton surrounding her entire body that would make her more AGILE than the swiftest animals in nature. In her tiny little blue house, her KEA bird would always give away her transformation whenever it CAWED so very loudly.
There was one time where she took my piggy bank JAR tossed it up into the air, and smashed it with her large robotic fist! Dispersing all my savings among the public! Afterwards she simply gave me a pat on the head, smiled weakly, and strode off, her mechanical joints making sharp buzzing and clicking sounds.
She often felt that the power she had over her wheelchair was some sort of HEX put on her by the roaming demons of hell rather than an extraordinary blessing. While passing by the ROWEN fields she would often sprint across the LAND at incredible speeds and leap into the air. Once she landed on a busy sidewalk and sent all the street folk into a state of PANIC! She was struck with severe GUILT having once landed on a toy poodle. I found that she had cut off a piece of her right EAR just to punish herself for the accident! She keeps it in a pickle jar within her medicine cabinet to serve as a reminder to always be more careful when choosing a landing point.
Our local inventor/town genius Irwin Von OHM periodically EQUIPS my grandma’s mecha suit with the latest gadgetry. Usually the doc MOOTS his designs with Grandma first for her approval. He truly makes works of ART. A TINED instrument was mostly used to fasten the newest gear. It was a form of ROTO engineering. HE has actually created a LID that goes BEHIND the main body frame which allows for the option to take a SHIT without ever leaving the comfort of the suit! Splendid!
“OI! Grandma! What are you going to DO today?” I would often ask her.
“Oh you know, all them guddem politicians!” Grandma’s greatest FOE of all are all those with the power to GOVERN over her. She feels that every politician is a LIER of some sort. One of her missions is to take down the VEEP of our country. She was determined this very day to do just that. After finishing her bowel of warm grits she scuttled over to the wheelchair in her slippers, sat down, transformed and rocketed off just as the ceiling opened up giving her enough space to fit through without making a dent or scratch. I coughed on the remaining exhaust as it filled the room. After the haze had cleared I ran out the front door and headed for ol’ Doc Ohm’s place. I made it to the back of his garage and had the optical scanner identify my eyes to allow access to his hidden lab. I rushed up to Ohm whose back was turned to me while sitting in his desk chair. Grabbing his shoulders, I shook him vigorously while explaining that Grandma was out to assassinate the Vice President! “Vwat?!!? Grandma Ma has veally gone of her rocka zis time!” shouted Ohm. He gripped me by the shirt collar and dragged me to the Offensive Chamber. Letting go of me he pointed ahead, I new exactly what he meant. I skipped over to the UTE and hopped in as he set up the controls and powered everything up at the panel display. Lights flickered on and the engine roared to life. Ohm would often survey from a distance in his UTE which he custom built to help track down Grandma’s whereabouts and help her with mission intelligence. The tires where hand-crafted and could handle any terrain. The vehicle could also SURF across water masses with a nifty jet propulsion system. From the control panel Ohm could send the latest updates via FAX through GWE’s internal printer, EN quad. He sent her a quick fax telling her that we were on our way to help even though we didn’t fully agree with her intentions. Over the intercom Ohm screamed, “Focus all our QIS together on zis one! I know ve can do zis! I believe in all of uz, so damn much!!” A tear shimmered in the sunlight and fell down his warm, wrinkled, peach-colored cheek. It ran down to the corner of his mouth and he licked it up with his tongue. He slammed his foot on the gas, causing my cap to fly right off. We rode off as fast as we could to the destination.
As we arrived and parked we could see a small fire dissipating a few yards ahead and we new that the party was over. Other than the large overturned business desk and a few scattered papers all that was left was the VEALY remains of the poor Vice President. I hopped out of the vehicle and jogged over to Grandma, towering above me. I picked up the over-cooked scraps of the VP and shuddered awkwardly before tossing them aside. Much to our surprise, four Battle Mechas Executive Class suddenly rose up from secret compartments in the floor. Each had a distinguishing symbol on the front armor plate, signifying the politician that controlled it from within. After grimacing, Grandma smiled and said, “Ahhhhh yeah!! Five birds with one #&*^@!$ stone!! And they brought their toys!! LETS GO!!”
I climbed up until I reached the right shoulder region of Grandma’s mecha. I often SAT shotgun on her shoulder while literally wielding a shotgun in my arms just like they did in the Old West. “We’re in the BIGS now!” hollered Grandma. A compartment slid open and out popped a shotgun for me to wield. I gave a cheeky smirk. I was so very ENTICED with my Grandma’s sudden burst of vigor! I should explain to you that the exoskeleton would occasionally excrete a substance equivalent to a fish ROE from its pelvic region, a waste product of the fuel source. It also happened often after dispersing additional arms. It was quite disgusting to say the least. This time Grandma aimed it right straight at the 4 opposing mechas and nailed them with the sticky slop rendering them completely immobile! We never had thought about using it as a weapon before! All I had to do was shoot their weak points with a well placed shotgun blast to power down their defenses and have Grandma deliver a pulverizing punch to send each one spiraling into the sky to who the hell knows where. Ohm cheered in the distance hoping back and forth on one foot shouting German exclamations no one cared to understand.
When we all returned home it sounded like a great idea to order out some pizza so we did just that. Sitting around Grandma’s small kitchen table we chowed down. “Hey, BE a good lad n’ pass the ‘ZA will ya boy!” Ohm always shortened pizza to za when speaking. Silly accents, I giggled. I grabbed a slice and slapped him on the cheeks twice! Grease got on his glasses. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped them off, frowning. Grandma swiftly gripped both our wrists, the lights dimmed and she said this:
“All YE Gods, here my plea! For I given thy courage for not so much as to take unto thee. That thy knows her ways and her ways are good, as are her companions. As such I wish of thee to forever grant us thy blessings upon each and every one. Goagh.”
There was a long pause. The lights grew brighter once more and we continued our meal.
“Grandma, will life always be this kick-ass for us forever?” I asked innocently.
“AY, always.” She smiled.

Description
Not many people know that Grandma’s wheelchair could turn into an awesome TEAL colored mechanical exoskeleton surrounding her entire body that would make her more AGILE than the swiftest animals in nature. In her tiny little blue house, her KEA bird would always give away her transformation whenever it CAWED so very loudly.
There was one time where she took my piggy bank JAR tossed it up into the air, and smashed it with her large robotic fist! Dispersing all my savings among the public! Afterwards she simply gave me a pat on the head, smiled weakly, and strode off, her mechanical joints making sharp buzzing and clicking sounds.
She often felt that the power she had over her wheelchair was some sort of HEX put on her by the roaming demons of hell rather than an extraordinary blessing. While passing by the ROWEN fields she would often sprint across the LAND at incredible speeds and leap into the air. Once she landed on a busy sidewalk and sent all the street folk into a state of PANIC! She was struck with severe GUILT having once landed on a toy poodle. I found that she had cut off a piece of her right EAR just to punish herself for the accident! She keeps it in a pickle jar within her medicine cabinet to serve as a reminder to always be more careful when choosing a landing point.
Our local inventor/town genius Irwin Von OHM periodically EQUIPS my grandma’s mecha suit with the latest gadgetry. Usually the doc MOOTS his designs with Grandma first for her approval. He truly makes works of ART. A TINED instrument was mostly used to fasten the newest gear. It was a form of ROTO engineering. HE has actually created a LID that goes BEHIND the main body frame which allows for the option to take a SHIT without ever leaving the comfort of the suit! Splendid!
“OI! Grandma! What are you going to DO today?” I would often ask her.
“Oh you know, all them guddem politicians!” Grandma’s greatest FOE of all are all those with the power to GOVERN over her. She feels that every politician is a LIER of some sort. One of her missions is to take down the VEEP of our country. She was determined this very day to do just that. After finishing her bowel of warm grits she scuttled over to the wheelchair in her slippers, sat down, transformed and rocketed off just as the ceiling opened up giving her enough space to fit through without making a dent or scratch. I coughed on the remaining exhaust as it filled the room. After the haze had cleared I ran out the front door and headed for ol’ Doc Ohm’s place. I made it to the back of his garage and had the optical scanner identify my eyes to allow access to his hidden lab. I rushed up to Ohm whose back was turned to me while sitting in his desk chair. Grabbing his shoulders, I shook him vigorously while explaining that Grandma was out to assassinate the Vice President! “Vwat?!!? Grandma Ma has veally gone of her rocka zis time!” shouted Ohm. He gripped me by the shirt collar and dragged me to the Offensive Chamber. Letting go of me he pointed ahead, I new exactly what he meant. I skipped over to the UTE and hopped in as he set up the controls and powered everything up at the panel display. Lights flickered on and the engine roared to life. Ohm would often survey from a distance in his UTE which he custom built to help track down Grandma’s whereabouts and help her with mission intelligence. The tires where hand-crafted and could handle any terrain. The vehicle could also SURF across water masses with a nifty jet propulsion system. From the control panel Ohm could send the latest updates via FAX through GWE’s internal printer, EN quad. He sent her a quick fax telling her that we were on our way to help even though we didn’t fully agree with her intentions. Over the intercom Ohm screamed, “Focus all our QIS together on zis one! I know ve can do zis! I believe in all of uz, so damn much!!” A tear shimmered in the sunlight and fell down his warm, wrinkled, peach-colored cheek. It ran down to the corner of his mouth and he licked it up with his tongue. He slammed his foot on the gas, causing my cap to fly right off. We rode off as fast as we could to the destination.
As we arrived and parked we could see a small fire dissipating a few yards ahead and we new that the party was over. Other than the large overturned business desk and a few scattered papers all that was left was the VEALY remains of the poor Vice President. I hopped out of the vehicle and jogged over to Grandma, towering above me. I picked up the over-cooked scraps of the VP and shuddered awkwardly before tossing them aside. Much to our surprise, four Battle Mechas Executive Class suddenly rose up from secret compartments in the floor. Each had a distinguishing symbol on the front armor plate, signifying the politician that controlled it from within. After grimacing, Grandma smiled and said, “Ahhhhh yeah!! Five birds with one #&*^@!$ stone!! And they brought their toys!! LETS GO!!”
I climbed up until I reached the right shoulder region of Grandma’s mecha. I often SAT shotgun on her shoulder while literally wielding a shotgun in my arms just like they did in the Old West. “We’re in the BIGS now!” hollered Grandma. A compartment slid open and out popped a shotgun for me to wield. I gave a cheeky smirk. I was so very ENTICED with my Grandma’s sudden burst of vigor! I should explain to you that the exoskeleton would occasionally excrete a substance equivalent to a fish ROE from its pelvic region, a waste product of the fuel source. It also happened often after dispersing additional arms. It was quite disgusting to say the least. This time Grandma aimed it right straight at the 4 opposing mechas and nailed them with the sticky slop rendering them completely immobile! We never had thought about using it as a weapon before! All I had to do was shoot their weak points with a well placed shotgun blast to power down their defenses and have Grandma deliver a pulverizing punch to send each one spiraling into the sky to who the hell knows where. Ohm cheered in the distance hoping back and forth on one foot shouting German exclamations no one cared to understand.
When we all returned home it sounded like a great idea to order out some pizza so we did just that. Sitting around Grandma’s small kitchen table we chowed down. “Hey, BE a good lad n’ pass the ‘ZA will ya boy!” Ohm always shortened pizza to za when speaking. Silly accents, I giggled. I grabbed a slice and slapped him on the cheeks twice! Grease got on his glasses. He pulled out his handkerchief and wiped them off, frowning. Grandma swiftly gripped both our wrists, the lights dimmed and she said this:
“All YE Gods, here my plea! For I given thy courage for not so much as to take unto thee. That thy knows her ways and her ways are good, as are her companions. As such I wish of thee to forever grant us thy blessings upon each and every one. Goagh.”
There was a long pause. The lights grew brighter once more and we continued our meal.
“Grandma, will life always be this kick-ass for us forever?” I asked innocently.
“AY, always.” She smiled.