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Description
Okay, it was about time I made a new one. Now I know a lot of other aritists are picky with referencing both left/right sides of a character, but for me it's a waste of time since Matsi is literally the same on both sides except for her eyes.

Now I've been thinking about changing a lot to Matsi, or completely getting a new fursona, but after thinking, I realized that I'm very attatched to this one and she's actually become a part of me. I thought about it and there is a lot to her that symbolizes ME. And that's all that counts. I've never explained anything about my fursona before, so now with this new ref I'm going to take the time to explain everything on her so she can be more understood as me.

Species
wolf --> ever since I was a little kid, I've loved canines. When I was in elementary school I collected {literally} every book that had to do with a dog, or a wolf. when I was a little older, I read tons and tons of books on wolves, and learned as much as I could fit in my head. I donated to the International Wolf Center when I was 10, and became a junior member, or something of the sort. I even adopted a wolf at Mission:Wolf when I was 11. I felt a connection to the misunderstood preditor ever since I had heard them howl outside the house in northern Minnesota. Something about that eerie music made me feel comforted, and not as lonely.

My fursona is a wolf because I, myself, have always been misunderstood. I feel rejected a lot of the time, and it's hard. Though I've always managed to bond with a few special people, even if it's only two or three. We form something that in the animal realm, could probably be called a 'pack'. I would literally die for my friends, and one of the only things I can actually admit to having is a fierce, undying loyalty. Wolves also have many spiritual meanings, that fascinate and intrigue me. In many ways wolves also symbolize my home state, and part of me will always be proud of that.

Colors
white -->; many people say white is a cold color, and it IS. Though it also is a mystical color, and one that I grew up with living in Minnesota. When I first made Matsi, I had moved away from the snowy climate and was living in Colorado,... and part of me has always longed and literally enjoyed snow. That's why a arctic snow wolf best fits me as ME. as far as white goes, I can be a very cold person when I'm hurt; I'm not in anyway saying it's a good thing, but that's just how it is. I try not to be, yet we can't help everything. At other times I feel invisible and forgotten and alone. To me, white symbolizes that.

black --> black is the direct invert of white, and saying that, at times I can be totally switched! Sometimes I'm an emo, angsty individual, and at othertimes I'm carefree and happy! That's where the black/white combo comes into play. but black as my secondary shade tips off a lot of my markings. It represents a dip into my darker side, my hurts and fears.

gray/silver -- > gray has always been a nuetral color. in many many ways, I can be a nuetral person. At times, especially in certain situations, I never take sides. I see both points of view instead of choosing one for a personal or religious belief. I've been put down for it, but I still hold to my opinion, even if that opinion is neither.

----
Features

eyes --> in reality, my eyes are this color. they are forest green and the left one has a speck of orange in it which, up close under a light, is star shaped. One of the only changes Matsi has undergone is that for the first year or so, her eyes were blue. That was because I had always wanted blue eyes, but after awhile I realized that my green ones are me, and they represent me and that's when I added them to my fursona.

teardrops --> I've always drawn the teardrops on Matsi, ever since her character was born in my 6th grade english classroom. I didn't even have a reason for drawing them then,... but little did I know they'd come to symbolize one of the biggest parts of my inner self. I remember something about them being inspired by cheetahs though, if that means anything. XD Through the years, they've shifted positions a lot on Matsi's face, until I finally was satisfied with them crossing underneath her eyes as sort of a baggy scar type of deal. There were times I thought they were annoying, and I didn't want to keep them on Matsi, but now I know I could never take them off, because she is recognized by them, and they really are a part of me now more then ever before. Those who know me know that I've been put through a lot, and tested almost to my breaking point. I have cried and cried and cried, and I still cry myself to sleep often. I know I'm not alone, but I have to say, I never ever thought it was humanly possible to cry as much as I have. I wouldn't be saying this normally, since I am one of the most stubborn people I know, if not the worst, and I view crying as a weakness in myself. By all means I don't think crying is a weakness in general, only in MYSELF. But I cry only when I'm broken beyond repair, and no body can talk me out of my suffering. That's when I cry. When I feel I'm utterly alone. I cry when I know something is my fault, and I've caused others to hurt. The teardrops symbolize the endless tears I've shed, and those yet to come.

spots --> the spots on Matsi's legs stand for the many, many hurts I carry with me, and the many many horrible things I've had to go through at young stages in my life. they are black since in this case, black represents a dark, deadly color, which symbolizes that what I've went through hasn't been easy, happy or painless. if you want to get down to it, the spots only go up the legs and not over the entire pelt because through everything I've been through, I've yet to give up on myself. I've wanted to, and I've literally been at that decision {to give up or not} and I haven't. I haven't let my pain or past overtake me yet. so the spots don't overtake my entire body.

wings --> Matsi has always had wings. Probably since I've always loved wings + flight and I've been involved in winged wolf RPGs and stories since I was little. they give her a fantasy aspect, and I like that. A lot of my hopes and dreams are fantasies, and the neat thing is some of what I've wished for has actually come true. That's never often, but when my crazy dreams do come true, I always feel blessed. the wings also represent my on-going battles, and how I need to learn to spread my wings and fly and not worry about tomorrow.

bangs --> A lot of people probably think that Matsi's bangs mean nothing at all, but they ALSO represent me in many ways. Those who have known me for long enough know that Matsi used to not have any fur hanging over her forehead at all. Though cutting straight to the point - the fur bangs symbolize my feelings of fear and how at time I wish I could hide from everything and everyone and how I wish I could just give up. Inwardly I am afraid more than I could ever explain, even though I put up a strong sheild most of the time to hide that -- see, more hiding! XD + in real life, I have bangs and am terrified of anyone looking at my forehead. >_> It's become a joke with my friends, but seriously... yeah. I'm weird.

starfish necklace --> ever since the first sketch I did of my fursona, she's always had this necklace. when I was little I took a necklace my mother had gotten for a birthday present. it didn't fit her so she was going to take it back, but eventually she forgot about it and it just became mine on it's own. I wore it a lot in the year I lived in Colorado, and during that year it had become a symbol of me. {that was also the year Matsi was born} When I moved from Colorado, me and my best friends buried the necklace, so that it would always stay in Colorado where my heart was, but recently, {last fall} I had them mail it to me, because I had realized a lot about myself and felt I needed my necklace back to make me feel more complete. It has always symbolized a connection between me and the state I love, and with it I feel like I've never left there in spirit.

iyctalic powers --> iyctalic is a word found in the fantasy realm I created and in my books that I'm in the process of writing. It's root is 'ice', and thus we get the icey power. It's rare and not many of my characters possess it. A lot of this part of Matsi goes with her character part, rather then my fursona. 8P

----

Now I hope many things about my fursona have been explained, and now she can be more understood as a character. And for those who wonder - I do still think about changing her, but I can never be sure when. I'm still not sure who I really am, and I won't stay this way forever. For the time being though, I can only symbolize what I know to be true about myself, and until I find out more about who I am, Matsi will stay the way she is.

Character, Design & Art ©

Description
Okay, it was about time I made a new one. Now I know a lot of other aritists are picky with referencing both left/right sides of a character, but for me it's a waste of time since Matsi is literally the same on both sides except for her eyes.

Now I've been thinking about changing a lot to Matsi, or completely getting a new fursona, but after thinking, I realized that I'm very attatched to this one and she's actually become a part of me. I thought about it and there is a lot to her that symbolizes ME. And that's all that counts. I've never explained anything about my fursona before, so now with this new ref I'm going to take the time to explain everything on her so she can be more understood as me.

Species
wolf --> ever since I was a little kid, I've loved canines. When I was in elementary school I collected {literally} every book that had to do with a dog, or a wolf. when I was a little older, I read tons and tons of books on wolves, and learned as much as I could fit in my head. I donated to the International Wolf Center when I was 10, and became a junior member, or something of the sort. I even adopted a wolf at Mission:Wolf when I was 11. I felt a connection to the misunderstood preditor ever since I had heard them howl outside the house in northern Minnesota. Something about that eerie music made me feel comforted, and not as lonely.

My fursona is a wolf because I, myself, have always been misunderstood. I feel rejected a lot of the time, and it's hard. Though I've always managed to bond with a few special people, even if it's only two or three. We form something that in the animal realm, could probably be called a 'pack'. I would literally die for my friends, and one of the only things I can actually admit to having is a fierce, undying loyalty. Wolves also have many spiritual meanings, that fascinate and intrigue me. In many ways wolves also symbolize my home state, and part of me will always be proud of that.

Colors
white -->; many people say white is a cold color, and it IS. Though it also is a mystical color, and one that I grew up with living in Minnesota. When I first made Matsi, I had moved away from the snowy climate and was living in Colorado,... and part of me has always longed and literally enjoyed snow. That's why a arctic snow wolf best fits me as ME. as far as white goes, I can be a very cold person when I'm hurt; I'm not in anyway saying it's a good thing, but that's just how it is. I try not to be, yet we can't help everything. At other times I feel invisible and forgotten and alone. To me, white symbolizes that.

black --> black is the direct invert of white, and saying that, at times I can be totally switched! Sometimes I'm an emo, angsty individual, and at othertimes I'm carefree and happy! That's where the black/white combo comes into play. but black as my secondary shade tips off a lot of my markings. It represents a dip into my darker side, my hurts and fears.

gray/silver -- > gray has always been a nuetral color. in many many ways, I can be a nuetral person. At times, especially in certain situations, I never take sides. I see both points of view instead of choosing one for a personal or religious belief. I've been put down for it, but I still hold to my opinion, even if that opinion is neither.

----
Features

eyes --> in reality, my eyes are this color. they are forest green and the left one has a speck of orange in it which, up close under a light, is star shaped. One of the only changes Matsi has undergone is that for the first year or so, her eyes were blue. That was because I had always wanted blue eyes, but after awhile I realized that my green ones are me, and they represent me and that's when I added them to my fursona.

teardrops --> I've always drawn the teardrops on Matsi, ever since her character was born in my 6th grade english classroom. I didn't even have a reason for drawing them then,... but little did I know they'd come to symbolize one of the biggest parts of my inner self. I remember something about them being inspired by cheetahs though, if that means anything. XD Through the years, they've shifted positions a lot on Matsi's face, until I finally was satisfied with them crossing underneath her eyes as sort of a baggy scar type of deal. There were times I thought they were annoying, and I didn't want to keep them on Matsi, but now I know I could never take them off, because she is recognized by them, and they really are a part of me now more then ever before. Those who know me know that I've been put through a lot, and tested almost to my breaking point. I have cried and cried and cried, and I still cry myself to sleep often. I know I'm not alone, but I have to say, I never ever thought it was humanly possible to cry as much as I have. I wouldn't be saying this normally, since I am one of the most stubborn people I know, if not the worst, and I view crying as a weakness in myself. By all means I don't think crying is a weakness in general, only in MYSELF. But I cry only when I'm broken beyond repair, and no body can talk me out of my suffering. That's when I cry. When I feel I'm utterly alone. I cry when I know something is my fault, and I've caused others to hurt. The teardrops symbolize the endless tears I've shed, and those yet to come.

spots --> the spots on Matsi's legs stand for the many, many hurts I carry with me, and the many many horrible things I've had to go through at young stages in my life. they are black since in this case, black represents a dark, deadly color, which symbolizes that what I've went through hasn't been easy, happy or painless. if you want to get down to it, the spots only go up the legs and not over the entire pelt because through everything I've been through, I've yet to give up on myself. I've wanted to, and I've literally been at that decision {to give up or not} and I haven't. I haven't let my pain or past overtake me yet. so the spots don't overtake my entire body.

wings --> Matsi has always had wings. Probably since I've always loved wings + flight and I've been involved in winged wolf RPGs and stories since I was little. they give her a fantasy aspect, and I like that. A lot of my hopes and dreams are fantasies, and the neat thing is some of what I've wished for has actually come true. That's never often, but when my crazy dreams do come true, I always feel blessed. the wings also represent my on-going battles, and how I need to learn to spread my wings and fly and not worry about tomorrow.

bangs --> A lot of people probably think that Matsi's bangs mean nothing at all, but they ALSO represent me in many ways. Those who have known me for long enough know that Matsi used to not have any fur hanging over her forehead at all. Though cutting straight to the point - the fur bangs symbolize my feelings of fear and how at time I wish I could hide from everything and everyone and how I wish I could just give up. Inwardly I am afraid more than I could ever explain, even though I put up a strong sheild most of the time to hide that -- see, more hiding! XD + in real life, I have bangs and am terrified of anyone looking at my forehead. >_> It's become a joke with my friends, but seriously... yeah. I'm weird.

starfish necklace --> ever since the first sketch I did of my fursona, she's always had this necklace. when I was little I took a necklace my mother had gotten for a birthday present. it didn't fit her so she was going to take it back, but eventually she forgot about it and it just became mine on it's own. I wore it a lot in the year I lived in Colorado, and during that year it had become a symbol of me. {that was also the year Matsi was born} When I moved from Colorado, me and my best friends buried the necklace, so that it would always stay in Colorado where my heart was, but recently, {last fall} I had them mail it to me, because I had realized a lot about myself and felt I needed my necklace back to make me feel more complete. It has always symbolized a connection between me and the state I love, and with it I feel like I've never left there in spirit.

iyctalic powers --> iyctalic is a word found in the fantasy realm I created and in my books that I'm in the process of writing. It's root is 'ice', and thus we get the icey power. It's rare and not many of my characters possess it. A lot of this part of Matsi goes with her character part, rather then my fursona. 8P

----

Now I hope many things about my fursona have been explained, and now she can be more understood as a character. And for those who wonder - I do still think about changing her, but I can never be sure when. I'm still not sure who I really am, and I won't stay this way forever. For the time being though, I can only symbolize what I know to be true about myself, and until I find out more about who I am, Matsi will stay the way she is.

Character, Design & Art ©