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Mayhem-Artist — The Eve of Eyesight Blessed
Published: 2004-05-22 21:05:21 +0000 UTC; Views: 219; Favourites: 2; Downloads: 33
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Description
Killing forth for eyesight blessedThe mind ruminates along the waves of dark
Finger pointing to the river maiden crest
Of harmonious lips that shocks an artist’s spark
[—Wander, whisper, in my sleep
I coo to you for all the drinks
That may inspire some receipt
Of all the poets’ doorbell links
Far below my hands aimed south
She picks them up and makes me speak
I hear the wisp of music flowing through my mouth
So I turn around and kiss her cheek
So sweet love, my muse, you are here
Arrived on your father’s clouded chariot
Oh so long I hath waited for this year
To take your inspiration and marry it
High above, my eyes stare northward undulated
So she grasps my quill and makes me write
I look down and see the grandeur I hath created
And turn around to hold her tight—]
No words can spell how much I owe her
All the flowers that the gods can fuse
And alas I have been aspired by a spur
My one and only muse
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Comments: 16
I think your first three stanzas were kicking
Though I think it might help to put some lines or just a few words in the middle, to reset the reader.
to be more specific, though your rhymes are abab all the way through, the first stanzas feel more like non-exact rhyme because of the word sounds lining up, and that changes once you get to chariot and marry it.
sleep
drinks
links
south
speak
cheek
the "s"'s and the c and the eeks and the inks, similiar word sounds
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I know it's not all perfect to a professiona level, that's because I composed it in five to ten minutes, and the rhyme scheme I know was unoriginal and mundanely played out, but the overall message I felt to being most important above all.
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HOLY SHIT!!!!
Austen...Sheesh...I seriously do not know what to say. Oh my....
So I turn around and kiss her cheek...
that made me smile.....god; thank you.
Thank you
Thank you
THANK YOU.
you flatter me and give me too much credit where credit isnt due.
i feel like i am cheating you out of worthwhile time spent. for that i feel as though i should say i'm sorry.
but you are beautiful you know.... 
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You're more than welcome. I felt it was overdue that somebody else dedicated a piece of art to you. After hearing Hyperborean and his "jack-off in crime" say so much bullshit about you, I felt the urge to revitalize my devotion to your poetry. As a fellow poet, your work constantly inspires me, so the credit to you was more than due. I know I am speaking for many other poets on DeviantART, and look forward to reading your latest masterpieces. And I am not the beautiful one, the muse glows brighter than the artist.
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It truly is an amazing dedication. I wish I could be as inspired... maybe in time.
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Oh, thank you for your kindness.
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That is one hell of an poem and ode...Just, damn that was good.
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Thanks, dude. You're a man who knows poetry, so I'll assume that my work is pretty good.
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Thank you, it means a lot to me.
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wow. Amazingly well done. It all flows so beautifully..
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Thank you very much, and thanks for even spending the time to read it, not too many do.
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Preview Picture from MetalMistress's unbelievable poem "Six-Sided Death." Check it out!
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