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Description
So this is pain.
Not the physical kind, that would be easier.
Pain like that can be ignored with pride;
This... this is the kind of pain that kills.
I always swore that would never be my option;
But you make me doubt past convictions.
I look at you, to see you've looked away.
Not to hurt, not for hate,
but because you don't know.

So this is weakness.
I'm not used to being weak. Incapable.
I've always done what needs doing,
nothing more or less without exception.
"done", in the past tense, because I
can't any more. Not around you.
I look at you, gather my breath.
And after I speak I realize it's the wrong words.
Not what I had in my mind a moment before.
Some joke, because if I can't tell the truth,
at least I can see you smile.

So this is fear.
The type of fear that over-rides anything else.
All the composure in the world goes away,
just from seeing you frown.
I look at you, and know you're fine;
I could tell if you weren't.
Still I'm scared, terrified, that you're hurt;
that I should have protected you.
And there's nothing I can do, because you won't let me.

So this...
What is this?
Nothing has ever been this bad before.
One look at you and the things that once mattered oh so much, don't.
When you're hurt I'm afraid.
When you aren't hurt, I'm afraid you will be.
Most of all I'm afraid that I'll screw it up.
I have a history of screwing up.

Whatever this is, it hurts, and I wish it would stop.
Then again, I'm not sure what I would do without it,
What I would do without you.

Right now I'm walking down this empty road,
thinking about everything I've left behind.
You were there, but not for me.
It was someone else holding your gaze, his hat on you're head.
As I'm walking, I had this idea.
It still hurts to be around you, so I'll write until it doesn't.
I think I'll start with "So this is pain,"
Because it's something I've never felt before

It still hurts.

Description
So this is pain.
Not the physical kind, that would be easier.
Pain like that can be ignored with pride;
This... this is the kind of pain that kills.
I always swore that would never be my option;
But you make me doubt past convictions.
I look at you, to see you've looked away.
Not to hurt, not for hate,
but because you don't know.

So this is weakness.
I'm not used to being weak. Incapable.
I've always done what needs doing,
nothing more or less without exception.
"done", in the past tense, because I
can't any more. Not around you.
I look at you, gather my breath.
And after I speak I realize it's the wrong words.
Not what I had in my mind a moment before.
Some joke, because if I can't tell the truth,
at least I can see you smile.

So this is fear.
The type of fear that over-rides anything else.
All the composure in the world goes away,
just from seeing you frown.
I look at you, and know you're fine;
I could tell if you weren't.
Still I'm scared, terrified, that you're hurt;
that I should have protected you.
And there's nothing I can do, because you won't let me.

So this...
What is this?
Nothing has ever been this bad before.
One look at you and the things that once mattered oh so much, don't.
When you're hurt I'm afraid.
When you aren't hurt, I'm afraid you will be.
Most of all I'm afraid that I'll screw it up.
I have a history of screwing up.

Whatever this is, it hurts, and I wish it would stop.
Then again, I'm not sure what I would do without it,
What I would do without you.

Right now I'm walking down this empty road,
thinking about everything I've left behind.
You were there, but not for me.
It was someone else holding your gaze, his hat on you're head.
As I'm walking, I had this idea.
It still hurts to be around you, so I'll write until it doesn't.
I think I'll start with "So this is pain,"
Because it's something I've never felt before

It still hurts.