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meevilmonkey — Malevolant Wings revised
Published: 2003-05-07 10:58:54 +0000 UTC; Views: 147; Favourites: 1; Downloads: 6
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Description
What lies around me I cannot see;This darkness purely impenetrable.
As malevolant wings enfolding me;
It\'s identity, for now, concealed.
From this daze, I wake, stumble across reality;
This darkness is internal, my heart is pure black,
It comes from all the heartache, from this depravity.
I am no longer loved; I do no longer love.
I can no longer live this way;
Knowing what I must do.
Feeling that I can\'t stay,
I take the easy road.
I give in to the darkness;
Letting these wings enfold me,
Running from all my problems,
I take my life away.
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Comments: 7
I quite like this poem, Erin. The flowing rhythm of it does alot to build on and on as the words follow one another, and the rhyme-scheme of 1-3 works very well in your favour to emphasise that.
Only thing I can pick apart about it is the slight overuse of words ending in "way", but that's only a minor irk from me.
Otherwise, well written
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I really like this one too, a beautiful metaphor for the need to escape from reality... but into darkness. :S
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I now know what punctuation does for a piece this came out really nice and it did sound better.
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very good. i love this. this is one of my favs.
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