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meevilmonkey — Watching you fall
Published: 2003-07-19 09:57:26 +0000 UTC; Views: 82; Favourites: 0; Downloads: 8
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Description I\'m watching you fall,
I\'m feeling your pain,
I\'m hearing your call,
I\'m seeing your bane.

Your cries are not unheard,
Though you know not
The emotions they\'ve stirred,
Will never be forgot.

Billions of people live here,
Yet still you feel alone.
Hoping to disappear,
Without ever being known.

I offer you a helping hand,
Of course, I\'m turned away.
Only too well I understand,
What it is you say.

You\'re falling too quickly,
Your pain now increasing,
Your cry has turned sickly,
Your bane is unceasing.

Seeking for a funk-hole,
You\'re searching frantically,
For a place to save your soul
And to rest eternally.

Not knowing that I love you,
Thinking that no-one could comprehend
What it is you\'re going through,
And that your heart will never mend.

You make a choice to end your strife,
You\'ve decided it takes will-power;
Not half as much as to live your life,
through the good times and the sour.

In your hands you take the gun
And press it to your head,
You pull the trigger and it\'s done,
Your body, now limp and dead.

I watched you fall,
I felt your pain,
I hear your call,
I saw your bane.

Your silent cries still taunting me,
From deep within your grave.
If only you knew what I did see,
You might not feel so brave.
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Comments: 5

ultranic-comics [2003-09-17 03:25:33 +0000 UTC]

very deep and well verbed. exellent job, I do so love great grammar ^_^

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montravont [2003-08-16 06:22:27 +0000 UTC]

very well done in my opinion.. whether thats worth a spit is your decision..... only thing i would say is on the line

"And to rest eternally."

I'd remove the "to" makes the line to long for the stanza... eternally brings in the needed time without dragging it down...

but even as it is... very well done indeed..

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notrust [2003-07-23 19:19:59 +0000 UTC]

wow *tear* very well written! very sad and hte emotion is wonderful, as well as the imagery!

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diabolicalfaerie [2003-07-21 09:50:05 +0000 UTC]

awww Erin! i love this! i really do! it's an awesome piece of writing.

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NyssaDuck [2003-07-21 09:03:19 +0000 UTC]

Wonderful piece there. Well written... the only parts I don't like are the...
"I watched you fall,
I felt your pain,
I hear your call,
I saw your bane."

Now sure why... maybe cause it's 'faster' than the other verses. But never-the-less I still love it. Great job Erin.

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