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Description
I sit here, blank page in front of me with impure thoughts in my head. I converse with myself on the prospect of getting what I want physically and emotionally. I can't take the chance of screwing up my life (again) but it gets harder and harder to ignore the desire that boils with in me. For now there is a distance between us but even so, that will grow thin… I refuse to lose my self and my beloved to such a desire but struggle still. I have tried again and again to be passive on this subject but I can not get these thoughts of them out of my head… I even prefer to speak to them then to my beloved, and of that I feel horribly guilty. But they treat me with such high respect and adoration that I can not help but feel somewhat obligated to at least admit my similar feelings of them. I do love my beloved, I do. But the prospect of a new chance and someone that accepts me completely, that is always kind, and that so much more like myself I can not out rule. Maybe one day, when my life once again has order and I have moved on I will chase this feeling if it may remain.

Description
I sit here, blank page in front of me with impure thoughts in my head. I converse with myself on the prospect of getting what I want physically and emotionally. I can't take the chance of screwing up my life (again) but it gets harder and harder to ignore the desire that boils with in me. For now there is a distance between us but even so, that will grow thin… I refuse to lose my self and my beloved to such a desire but struggle still. I have tried again and again to be passive on this subject but I can not get these thoughts of them out of my head… I even prefer to speak to them then to my beloved, and of that I feel horribly guilty. But they treat me with such high respect and adoration that I can not help but feel somewhat obligated to at least admit my similar feelings of them. I do love my beloved, I do. But the prospect of a new chance and someone that accepts me completely, that is always kind, and that so much more like myself I can not out rule. Maybe one day, when my life once again has order and I have moved on I will chase this feeling if it may remain.