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Meluxine β The Crate
Published: 2009-02-13 16:03:41 +0000 UTC; Views: 5108; Favourites: 115; Downloads: 0
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The "Maybe He's Allergic To Chocolate and Roses" ExcuseDear Meluxine,
I've been going out with my boyfriend for 3 days now and we're soooooooo in looooooove. He hasn't actually said it yet, but I just KNOW he loves me because no other guy has come any closer than 10m from me and he has stood right next to me! He's even mentioned the words 'marriage' and 'kids' in random conversation so I KNOW he's 'the one' *swoon* He doesn't even need to call me because we have this amazing telepathic communication thingy going on.
The only problem is his gift to me for Valentine's Day. I opened the door expecting roses and a teddybear but instead there was this wooden box sitting there. When I opened it, this half naked terrorist sprung out and destroyed my apartment with her machine gun! Do you think this is just a guy thing or could he have an allergy to roses or something? Was the terrorist destroying my apartment a hint to move in with him?
Dumbass Psychobitch
Dear Dumbass Psychobitch,
He's just not that into you. He's with me now. So is your cat. Sorry about your apartment, when I start I just can't stop y'know.
HAPPY FUCKING VALENTINE'S DAY kiss kiss bang bang
Bullshit blurb by me, everything else by
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Comments: 34
wtf is going on? I ordered a naked female gunslinger, and all I got was a box of roses, chocolates and a fuckin' teddy bear! What is going on with Fedex? Please send my package asap and I'll send the roses and teddy bear. I ate the chocs...
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Were you feeling that suicidal on Valentine's Day that you ordered a terrorist?
Take the roses and chocs as a sign you're meant to live. Unless you're allergic to them like so many men.
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Funny you should know that. You got a spy-cam in my gaff?
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.............. So the terrorist-in-a-box thing isn't a good idea.
Aw, shit.............
*grabs phone*
Hi, Laden-homie? How you doin' mate?............. Hahaha.......... yeah, I didn't think you'd like those curtains in the cave, but thought it'd be a nice touch, y'know? ha....... Yeah.......... Anyway, well, y'know that gift I asked you to sort? Yeah. Well, change of plan. I'm going to just get her a horse riding lesson. Yeah. Yeah, no, I understand, but, y'know, shit happens, someone makes a joke about it being a bad idea, and you start doubting....... Yeah. No, we'll definitely hang soon. Yeah. Mmhmmm. Yup. Yeah. *looks at fingernails* Yeah. Yeah, I know. Look, I gotta go, speak soon. Yeah. Bubye.
*hangs up*
............ More like Bin Loser.......
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Why horseriding lessons? Haven't you broken her hymen
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Because she use to do them as a kid.
And I figured she break something ELSE in like a pony for once..........
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Wow - I love this : )
I've been quiet for a while cos I have just moved into the beautiful english countryside - in a 400 year old cottage! It struggled to be broadbanded but I got there in the end!
Missed you for sure x
PS my cottage is called Rose Cottage and in a month or so (spring here) it will be covered in fuckin roses!! I am hoping for a mixture black and white roses but I expect they'll be pink : (
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How could you miss me if I wasn't there in the first place
That sounds awesome. Is it haunted?
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Only positive vibes so far but it was a bit creepy when I first moved in. Its opposite an old rectory and just a stones throw away from the graveyard! I live here alone and it's great so far : )
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What part of England? If it's around Cornwall I'll kill you
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Yeah thought it might make a change to your usual bedtime stories. You're getting a bit old for Spot now
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Not that you can see much of it
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The sad thing is, some people would actually think those things if it happened to them!
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I'm slowly culling them with my (toy) machine gun and (toy) Lancaster, don't you worry about a thang
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Not worried a bit! Just making sure...
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Love the Blurb. So much talent & beauty in one person is a threat to the natural order of Things. I trust you accept this awesome responsibility with all the gravity it merits.
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Jesus, no pressure or anything
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Well, as they say: some aspire to greatness and others have greatness thrust upon them. But we have nothing to fear except fear itself, and maybe the occassional double-entendre.
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Excellent bullshit blurb! I especially liked the part where the package was diverted here.
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Yeah funny how dA is kinda the cesspit for weird packages
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Ha! Trust me, I know a beautiful woman when I see one, I'm an artist!
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