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MikuParanormal β Star Eater
Published: 2017-11-22 12:36:37 +0000 UTC; Views: 2556; Favourites: 114; Downloads: 7
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Description
.....Mkay, i've always wanted to create myself a SCP, but i never had the right idea for this...
i actually wanted to make a humanoid first, but eh... not really....
so i went totally insane with this and made a gigantic fcking creature that consumes stars lol
and writing the 'bio' for scp-3138 was a real pain in the ass tbh XD
so yeah, i might've fcked it up XDD
i hope you like it anyway ;u;
I'm also open for any kind of critisism on this one! expecially on the writings i made for this...
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Designation: SCP - 3138 'Star Eater'
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures:
Due to its size and preferred habitat it is currently impossible to contain SCP - 3138.
However, its current location is remote from planet Earth, so it won't be a threat to Humanity for now.
Personnel assigned to SCP - 3138 have to constantly determine its position though.
[current position: Black Eye Galaxy; around 17-24 Mly away]
Description:
SCP - 3138 is approximately 10.000Β km in length and bears resemblance to Eurypharynx pelecanoides [pelican eel].
It moves in a very slow pace [around 30km/h] and is seemingly unimpaired by the high radiation and heat coming from the stars it consumes.
SCP - 3138 consumes a star every 3-5 years, which usually causes nearby planets to be flung in random directions.
If this organism would consume the star Earth belongs to the result would be devastating to humanity.
It is unknown if SCP - 3138 is the only of its species, or if there are other specimen yet to be discovered.
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Comments: 33
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another one told me to use euclid since it's too far away to be a threat lol
(but i honestly don't really care at this point lol this thing isn't even a scp anymore)
but thanks!
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Cosmic horror is usually either terrifying or beautiful in an odd way. This is beautiful and somewhat terrifying when one gets over the beauty of the picture.Β
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That's so true lol
And thanks! X3
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Okay. So. Few issues.Β
One. It cannot possibly be Euclid if it is currently impossible to contain. I'd call it Keter, very likely Thaumiel- it is much larger than any possible containment. In fact, something this big might even warrant a new designation- I'd suggest "Apollyon", which was given to a similar planet-sized beast.Β
Two. It isn't very... fleshed out. The art is a very nice touch, but there's little to no information. Why does it eat stars? What other characteristics does it have besides "It eats stars"?
Three. Stating the obvious is frowned upon. "If this organism would consume the star Earth belongs to the result would be devastating to humanity." is entirely unneeded. Assume the reader understands that the sun is what allows us to live and that without it, we are all dead.Β
I know you think writing a bio is a pain in the ass, but this could be a decent SCP should it happen. Why bother with all the effort of creating art and ignoring the basic file creation? That's 90% of the SCP, after all.Β
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That's basically the same thing i got from the critics in the SCP forum lol
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Side note. 30km/h is... almost impossible for a creature that large. It is about the size of a planet (meaning it could only eat very SMALL stars- dwarfs, of course).
30km/h however is ridiculous. That would be like having a human move at, say, 2 inches per hour. Relative size.Β
The logic is somewhat failing here.Β
Anybutt. With some good work it could be decent. Good luck~
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Man, what a cool concept. I love this, but still, AAAAAAAAAAAAA
Have you read the comic Hellstar Remina by any chance? It's by Junji Ito, and it reminds me a lot of this. Hellstar Remina isn't my favorite by Ito (that would be Uzumaki) but I love cosmic horror π
I'm curious though. 20 million light years is a pretty long fucking way away. How did the SCPF discover the Star Eater in the first place, and how are they able to track it? Just trying to help you out with some lore building.
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Haha, Thanks lol
And Uhm... Via telescope?
I read that you can even see the black eye Galaxy with Amateur telescopes, so i think you will be able to see a giant worm with a professional one XP
You'll probably only see it as some kind of shadow though...
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Are you a member of the site? Anyway, the art is cool and what you picture the entity shows you have understanding. You should begin writing a full draft at the sandbox site if you are a member. Also consult the folks of the site for they are helpful and shall help point out errors or similarities to other SCPs.
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Not yet lol
I sent out the app. about two hours ago and now i'm currently waiting to get a reply or something from the admins ;u;
And i already wrote a Sandbox ~
I can't feature it in the forums though since i'm not a member yet...
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So I just saw you post on the forums and I will be posting some critique. Also, welcome to the site.
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Okay, thanks alot! ;u;
And thanks~
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Dang it, you beat me to the punch!
Anyways, I had a similar idea, of a serpentine macrocreature that fed on planets, but now that you have already made this, I guess the best I can do is assist in its development.
To start, I would like to refute your classification as a Keter item. Aside from not being contained, which is completely understandable, I would rather classify it as either Safe or Euclid. Since it doesn't pose a direct danger to Earth, it can be considered safe, and if its only containment requirement is to check in on its position, it doesn't have the strict and complicated containment procedure a Keter would require. Let's say researchers found a hypothetical way to contain the item, sure, that could be Keterous, but you would have to disclose such in the article.Β
Furthermore, just because I'm nitpicking, "...a trail of stray planetes wherever it has been." is somewhat incorrect, I would argue. For example, if the item has its own gravitational pull, which I would find quite likely due to its size and the fact it consumes stars, the planets would be out of alignment long before the item even reached its destined star. Likely most of the celestial bodies would crash into SCP-3138 crumbling to dust and piling up on the item. If the bodies were to escape the gravity well of the item, they would be flung in random directions, which would not as much leave a trail of stray planets, but rather would cause the prevalence of planemos in the nearby space to increase. It would definitely be detectable in the bigger picture, however it would not leave a literal trail.
I shan't call you out on your spelling and grammatical errors, because everyone makes mistakes, and it's all well and good as long as you iron them out before full release.
All in all, I love the concept, and I hope to see it soon on the Wiki!
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((Alright, first of all:
Thanks for your feedback!
It really helped me X3))
Oh, sorry about that ;n;
I feel kinda bad right now...
I wasn't really sure what to classify it as at first...
I looked though the whole scp-wiki to find something that's maybe somewhat similar to 3138 and see what classification they got, but i found nothing lol
(This might be a good thing, but at this Moment i hated it XD)
I took keter because of what would happen to earth once this thing appears...
I really wasn't thinking here, so thanks alot for this X3
And physics was never my strength so i just assumed that planets would become stray once their sun is gone...
(I also thought about not adding this Detail because it always sounded kinda odd to me lol)
also: can you maybe tell me where i made those errors?
You're the second one who pointed that out and i just can't find them...
I really hate using this as excuse, but english isn't my first language, so i can't see mistakes that easily ;n;
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www.scp-wiki.net/scp-2317
SCP-2317. Its a similar creature.Β
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Sure, I'd be happy to help.
I'll add a Bold style to parts I definitely know are wrong, and italics to parts I myself would do differently, though could be refuted by a more skilled linguist. Commentary can be found in [Square brackets], in the same order as the errors are listed in the sentence..
Designation:Β SCP - 3138 'Star Eater'
Object Class:Β Keter
Special Containment Procedures:
Due to its size and preferred Biosphere it is currently impossible to contain SCP - 3138. [Since the item is spaceborne, it doesn't truly reside in any 'biosphere', therefore I would change it to something akin to 'preferred habitat' or 'living conditions'.]
However, its current location is remote from planet Earth, so it won't be a threat to Humanity for now. [SCP articles pride themselves on consistency and precision, so I suggest coming up with some relation to distance, so readers know how far the item approximately is. Consider things like lightyears, or look on Wikipedia for some galaxy names, and use that. This would definitely give the readers a sense of the distance between SCP-3138 and themselves.]
Personnel assigned to SCP - 3138 has to constandly determine its position though. [Have.] [Constantly.] [I would change this to something like 'constantly keep the item under observation.' or 'constantly report on the position of the item.']
Description:
SCP - 3138 is approximately 10.000 km in length and anatomically similar to Eurypharynx pelecanoides (pelican eel).4 [I would say this is somewhat unrealistic. Not in the sense that is similar to the Pelican eel, but rather that SCP scientists were even able to determine its anatomy. Telescopes are often aided by the light stars radiate, and as such mostly see planets as shadows. The same goes for spaceborne creatures then. Furthermore, I would replace it with something like 'bears resemblance to', since 'anatomically' is an adjective based on the body structure of an entity. Since the SCP scientists don't have access to the insides of the item, it would be hard to fully determine its anatomy.] [probably a typo, I reckon?]
It moves in a very slow pace and is seemingly unimpaired by the high radiation and heat coming from the stars it consumes. [I would specify the speed at which SCP-3138 moves. SCP scientists have had the time to observe it for its dietary needs, they surely would have had the time to calculate the speed at which the item propels itself.]
SCP - 3138 consumes a star every 3-5 years and leaves a trail of stray planets wherever it has been. [Already mentioned the error of this sentence in my initial comment.]
If this organism would consume the star Earth belongs to the resukt would be devastating to humanity. [Result.]
It is unknown if SCP - 3138 is alone or if there are more organisms like it. [I would change this to something like 'is the only of its species, or if there are other specimen yet to be discovered.' or 'is the only one of its kind or if similar creatures exist.', just a personal preference though.]
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damn, i always write 'constantly' wrong XD
anyway, thanks again for your help~
i re-edited the text again and i honestly think that it sounds much better now ;u;
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Thanks!! ;u;
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An intriguing concept, to be sure. The only criticisms I have at the moment are spelling errors or typos within the description, but the design is really thought out. Keep up your art, your creative mind, and your writing skills. With some refinement of all three, you could make something wonderful.
...or Terrifying, if that is where your heart lay.
Β Β Β Serpent of the stars,
Consuming suns evermore,
Β Β Β Β until we remain.
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Welp, i'm not really a writer so i knew something like this would come XD
I mean, i even suck at writing german stuff and that's my native language XD
Anyway, thanks alot for your feedback!! X3
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No problems. You have the right ideas, just there's a little more polish required.
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Now I'm Scrred QwQ
Ir's really cool though!!!
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Aww, sorry about that ;n;
But Thanks X3
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You're welcome! ^^
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