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Love At First Text - Chapter 30

The next day, we went to Subway.

            I wished I'd made an excuse not to go. I wished I had said I was busy or something-I didn't want to talk to her. At least, not about yesterday. But by the time I'd thought up a reasonably believable excuse, I was already in Alicia's car being driven to Subway because it was way too cold outside to walk that long distance.

            And of course, once we got settled and had our sodas, she went right into it.

            "Nate, your essay was great and you should quit the crap about it being horrible."

            What she said shouldn't have caught me by surprise, but it did. I thought she'd work her way up to it-apparently not.

            I struggled to say something. Only unintelligible stammers came out.

            "Sorry-let me rephrase that. Your essay is great and you should quit the crap about it being horrible."

            Still surprised by what she said, I said, "O-okay…"

            She gave me a smile. "Just wanted to put that out there."

            I nodded. "Right."

            Silence.

            She was waiting for me to say something.

            I sighed. This was what I had wanted. Might as well get it over with.

            "Okay," I laughed nervously, not sure how to say it. "Um…do you remember back when we first texted each other?"

            For a moment, she was silent. Then she nodded. "Yeah. Of course I do."

            I stared at her as I continued. "Do you remember what you asked me? Well, I-I mean you asked me a lot of things, but one thing in particular you asked me?" I could feel my face turning red. God, why did I expect her to remember something that happened so long ago? She probably forgot about it instantly.

            She looked up at me, a smile on her face, making me feel even more humiliated. "Like what?" She laughed a little as she said it.

            I turned my head away so I wasn't looking at her. Instead I stared out the window at the cars passing on the road outside. "Well…you asked me what I like to do, like, in my free time. I told you some stuff, you said you like to draw…" I paused, and something in my head clicked. I looked over at her. "You like to draw," I repeated.

            Looking away, her hands tensing slightly around her Sprite bottle, she said a little bitterly, "So what?"

            "Nothing," I said quickly, hoping I hadn't offended her. "Just you're really good at it." I paused, waiting for her to react.

            Her expression softened, and I knew I'd hit a tender spot. She shrugged, still not meeting my gaze.

            "And you enjoy doing it, yet you're embarrassed to admit it."

            She looked at me then. I thought she was going to protest, but she didn't. "I know." She sighed. "Drawing just isn't something people do a lot. I don't like telling people about it because I'm afraid they'll judge me or something-think I'm weird or whatever. I especially hate it when people give my work attention." Looking down at her bottle, she continued. "When we texted each other that first time, I told you about it, like, immediately. I'd hoped that if you knew that and refused to talk to me, I'd give you that opportunity early on." She paused, then looked up at me. "But you didn't. You understood where I was coming from. I mean, you knew exactly how I feel. I feel embarrassed about drawing…"

            "And I feel embarrassed about writing," I finished for her. She nodded. We gazed into each others' eyes, and I forgot how to move-how to breathe. Time stopped as we realized that huge similarity between us. That we understood exactly how the other felt. That we were both reluctant to admit our hobbies to other people. No, not hobbies-talents. Talents and dreams. The thunder and lightning of our skies.

            I don't know if it was with the help of my essay or not, but somehow she found out without me having to say anything. At that moment, the Feeling was incredibly strong. So strong I had no doubt that I was meant to be here, with her. That we would help each other achieve our dreams.

            I felt my own words turn back on me-what was it I had said about thunder? "Then comes the thunder: the sudden realization of the reason to be alive." The Feeling…Sofia…my thunder.

            At that moment, if we hadn't been in a public restaurant with windows and people surrounding us, the fact that Sofia only wanted to be friends, and that there was a table between us, I probably would have kissed her.

Alicia eventually came back to pick us up. She had to stop in the Square before she took me home, and she said she might be a while. So Sofia and I went outside to walk around. We stopped by Sips to grab cappuccinos.

            It was cold out, but better than it had been the previous week-only about thirty-two degrees. It was snowing, and the flakes floated down gracefully. It was already getting dark, and the flakes stood out against the blackening sky.

            I looked around. This was the place where I had first seen Sofia at the Dan Emmett Festival. I spotted the exact bench she'd been sitting on and slowed to a stop.

            I glanced at Sofia, who had also stopped, and saw she was staring at it, too. "It seems so long ago, doesn't it?" she asked in a soft voice. Her eyes shifted up to me.

            I nodded. "Yeah." After a few moments, we continued to walk.

            The wind blew by us, stirring up the snow around us. I glanced at Sofia again and almost tripped over my own feet.

            The wind had lifted her hair up like it always did, and the snow swirled around her entire body. Some of it stuck in her hair or on her coat, but the rest spun around, enclosing her in a moving bubble of snowflakes. It was a captivating sight that belonged in a movie.

            She looked over at me and caught me staring. "What?" she asked.

            I realized my jaw was hanging open and quickly closed it. "Nothing."

            She held our gaze for a few moments, then looked away. The wind ceased, and we continued our slow walk, the snow falling slowly around us.

            "So, what exactly is your dream?" I asked Sofia randomly. I hoped I didn't sound too stupid. "I mean, with drawing."

            She sighed, and her breath appeared as a cloud in the air. "Well…it seems kinda weird and simple but…I want to make drawings for, like, published stuff. Like books or something." She took a sip of her capp.

            "You mean, like, picture books?"

            "No. Those pictures would be too weird for me," she laughed. "I want to do, like, covers for books. I mean, the cover is the second thing you notice on a book; the first is the title. Or it could be the other way around, but, whatever. Anyways, the cover is important so people want to read it. And I've always felt the cover has to…express the book visually, giving it deeper meaning than you just glimpse from the title."

            I nodded, realizing how much thought she put into this. "Yeah, I know what you mean. That's cool, though. And really ironic. I mean, I want to write books and you want to make covers for books." I smiled.

            She smiled, too. I was getting better at not fainting on the spot whenever she did, but I didn't think I'd ever get used to it. "You're right, that is ironic. I wonder what other kind of stuff is ironic between us?" she said thoughtfully.

            Maybe you're beautiful and I'm not? I didn't say it out loud.

            "I dunno," I said instead. I thought for a sec. "When's your birthday?"

            "Um…it's in seven days exactly."

            I froze mid-step.

            She looked back at me. "What's wrong?"

            "Are you freaking serious?"

            "About what?" She breathed a laugh.

            "You're birthday is January fourteenth?"

            She frowned, confused. "Yeah….why, when's your birthday?"

            "January fourteenth."

            Her jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

            "Yes."

            She started laughing, which took me by surprise. "Dude, that is so cool! Who knew? Wow, so we have to do this, like, double party thing-like, totally!"

            She was excited about us having the same birthday? My heartbeat quickened and my stomach tingled from seeing her look so happy.

            "How 'bout it?"

            "Having a double party?"

            "Yeah!" Her excitement was impossible to say no to.

            I smiled. "Um…I don't know." I wasn't used to celebrating my birthdays with a party. Maybe a few presents-maybe-and some cake brought home from Kroger, but that was about it for a party.

            "It doesn't have to be that big," Sofia said, seeing my lack of excitement. "We could just get together with Dean and Allie or something." She paused. "I'll see what we can do."

            I nodded, completely willing to let her plan it out. "Sounds good," I said, gazing at her. She looked so happy and excited. If I didn't know better, I'd think an angel had descended from heaven.

            She giggled, and the sound was musical. "Awesome," she said as we started walking again. She looked about ready to burst; she was already practically jumping up and down. "Wow, I'm really excited," she laughed.

            I laughed, too. "I know, I can tell." Seeing her happy warmed me more than any amount of coffee could.

            She looked over at me, and we suddenly stopped walking. I felt something pass between us. I didn't know what it was. Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming want to throw her against one of the glass windows and crush my mouth to hers. (Two kiss desires in one day-jeez.) But I struggled to restrain myself as I told myself, She only wants to be friends. I can't do anything that would make her uncomfortable. For an instant, I just stood there on the edge of my feet, ready to either back away or step forward, wondering if she still wanted that rule to be obeyed, or if I could bend it slightly-lean toward her, close my eyes…

            I quickly looked away, not wanting to be tempted. It was getting harder. I wondered how long she expected me to follow this rule and keep my desires at bay.

            "Are you okay?" Sofia asked me, sounding concerned. "You look like you're in pain."

            Surprised, I looked up at her again. I looked like I was in pain? Not good. "I do?" She nodded. "I'm fine," I quickly said, my voice shaking a little.

            "You sure? We can go inside if you want…"

            "No, no. Let's just keep walking." It would help my situation if we just kept moving.

            We continued to walk, but I think it was even slower than before. We came to the corner of the block and turned around to walk back.

            "I wonder if Alicia's done yet," said Sofia, breaking the silence between us.

            I shrugged. "Dunno." I didn't want our time together to be over yet.

            "Maybe I should call her…"

            "Okay."

            Sofia called her, and said that she wouldn't be ready for another fifteen minutes or so.

            "What is she doing?" I asked. We'd already been out there about ten minutes.

            "I don't know," Sofia replied. Then she laughed. "She's probably buying me something for my birthday."

            I nodded. That made sense. I thought back to the quadruple date, when the girls were looking at jewelry. They had been there, like, half an hour and hadn't even gotten bored. Us guys had gone to where the Xbox games were because they had taken so long. Rushed, Alicia might take an hour.

            That meant more time with Sofia…

            "So, is Alicia your only sibling?" I asked Sofia, in need of something to say. I still didn't know a lot about her, even though I'd known her for…five months-unless you count when we first texted, then that would be eight months…

            "Yeah," she answered. "But my mom's expecting, so there'll be another one soon," she added with a smile.

            I nodded. I'd already figured that. "When's the baby supposed to be born?"

            "Um, I think April. Mom is so excited. She's freaking out because she's afraid she won't have a good name by the time he's born."

            "It's a boy?"

            "Actually, we don't know. My mom likes surprises-she'd throw a fit if one of the nurses told her if it was a boy or girl," she laughed.

            I did, too. "Wow. But you'd think it would make coming up with a name easier, right?"

            "Yeah, that's what I think. I tried to tell her that but she was just like, 'No, that'll ruin the surprise!' and I'm like, 'Okay, Mom, whatever.'" We laughed again.

            "So, what about you? Are Matt and Jake your only brothers?" she asked me.

            "Yeah," I said.

            "You guys seem to get along well," she commented.

            I shrugged. "Yeah, we do. I mean, we're used to each others' company, and we've kinda had to depend on each other."

            Sofia frowned a little. "What do you mean?"

            I suddenly realized maybe I didn't want to say that. But I'd already said it. And now I had to tell her. "Uh, well…for my whole life my parents haven't been that close. And they were usually busy. At least my dad always was, so I'm not really that close to him. But, I don't know, my brothers and I just always hang out, and we've just gotten really close." I wasn't sure how else to say it.

            But she nodded-whether she really understood or not, I wasn't sure. "So why aren't your parents very close?" Then, when I just opened my mouth to speak, she quickly said, "But you don't have to say. I mean, if it's too personal or whatever and would rather not tell me, I understand."

            "No, it's fine," I told her. "But, um…something happened a while ago and my dad still hasn't gotten over it."

            "What happened?" she asked in a soft voice.

            I looked over at her, and I suddenly realized we'd stopped walking. Or probably more I had stopped walking and she stopped because I stopped. As I looked into her beautiful eyes, I saw concern. I knew she lived differently than I did. Her family, I knew, was very close-they went on trips together, they all enjoyed one another's company, everything a great family does. My family was different-our relationship was more difficult, and we struggled to stay together. We were lucky my parents hadn't divorced yet.

            "My dad's twin sister died," I said quietly, remembering when Mom first told me all this-how sad she had been. At that moment, I had grown closer to my dad without him even realizing it. I understood why my mom was still with him-he needed her, and she loved him. She hated seeing him in pain.

            Sofia was silent for a moment, then she said, "I'm so sorry."

            "You don't have to be," I replied. "It's not your fault."

            "Well, I'm still sorry," she said, taking a step toward me. Our bodies were now only centimeters apart. "It must have been hard for your dad to accept, since he's still hasn't gotten over it." She paused, then said, "And it must be hard for you."

            I didn't say anything. I didn't know if she expected me to or not. But I didn't really need to. The situation was sort of self-explanatory.

            We stood there for a few more moments. It had stopped snowing. When I glanced at Sofia, I noticed that there were still little snowflakes on her eyelashes. They made her eyes stand out, making them even more beautiful than they already were-if possible.

            She suddenly let out a very long sigh, and I asked, "What?"

            "It's just…I don't know what that's like. Compared to you, my life is so simple…so easy…" Her voice drifted off. "I've never even dealt with loss. I don't think I'm a very strong person. Not emotionally, anyway. I get upset easily and I'm not very good at holding back emotions. I don't have a lot of self-confidence." These words seemed so out of place coming from her. How could she think so low of herself?

            She looked over at me and gave me a sad smile. "Compared to you, I feel like just a kid. You're so mature. You know things and have experienced things that I can only imagine. You don't seem aware of it, but…" She paused stepping closer. "You're really strong. I admire you for that."

            I didn't know what to say. She thought herself lesser than me? She admired me?

            Then, not even giving my mind enough time to catch up with my ears, she stepped into my arms and leaned her head against my chest.

            This moment was so perfect; I didn't want it to end. I hadn't realized it then, but at that moment, we were closer than ever. We'd opened up to each other about our insecurities-things we kept to ourselves.

            As we stood there, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, relishing the warmth of her body. The gesture seemed so natural I forgot that Sofia only wanted to be friends. I had to remind myself that this was my limit. The love I felt for her wrapped around me and consumed me, and I closed my eyes as we breathed in unison, our hearts beating as one.

When we met Alicia at her car, my arm had stayed wrapped around Sofia's shoulders. As we drove to my house, I kept my arm around Sofia. She didn't seem to mind, and I took advantage of the moment. I hoped she was changing her mind, and eventually the Only Friend rule would be gone.  But I didn't know if she would ever bring it up, and it would be awkward for me to bring it up.

            Eventually, we made it to my house, and I regretfully left the car-and Sofia-behind. Once I was in my room, my fingers itched to take out my phone and text her: omg i love u plz say u do 2.

            This was getting ridiculous.

            I jumped as someone knocked on my door.

            "Yeah?" I called.

            Matt opened the door. "You just get home?"

            "Yeah…why?"

            "You better come here."

            I followed Matt cautiously. He led me downstairs and to Mom and Dad's bedroom-also known as Dad's work room/isolation room. Jake was already there, listening at the door.

            "What's wrong?" I hissed at him. He only glanced at me, then returned his attention to the closed door.

            "What is it?" I asked Matt, who leaned toward the door, too.

            Matt pointed at the door. "Listen," he whispered.

            I leaned toward the door, straining my ears to hear what was going on.

            But it wasn't hard to hear.

            Mom and Dad. They were fighting-again.

            I didn't want to listen. I was sick of this. They were supposed to love each other. They were supposed to take care of us and make sure nothing bad happened to us. I was supposed to depend on them.

            Without realizing what I was doing, I felt myself move forward, shove the door open, and step into the room. I opened the door so forcefully it slammed against the wall with a bang, and Mom and Dad looked over at the sound. Dad was standing over Mom, who was on the floor, his hand poised to hit her. When I saw this, the fury I held inside me exploded. Adrenaline coursed through my veins with the speed of a bullet, and I walked right up to Dad.

            "Nate!" I felt a hand brush my shoulder, trying to hold me back, but I was too fast. I couldn't even recognize who had spoken-Matt or Jake-I was so angry.

            Dad's eyes were wide with surprise and fury.

            "Nate, you need to leave." Dad's steel voice sent another explosion through me. Did he think he could command me like that?

            "What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded. My body was shaking, and I tightened my hands into fists to try to hide it. "How can you treat her like this? Your own wife! You know she could walk out on you any time, but instead she stays with you because she hopes you'll change!"

            "NATHAN, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" I fought the urge to cringe away from him. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"

            "You're wrong-I know everything! I know that the reason you're so angry all the time is because you're too weak to face the facts!" I wasn't sure if I was going too far, but I didn't really care. He needed to understand the kind of pain he put us through. "She's gone! She's been gone. You're so selfish-you don't even consider what your family is going through. You don't even think that maybe we're suffering just as much as you do. It's because you just don't care!"

            SMACK!

            The sound seemed to echo through the house. It happened so fast I didn't feel the pain until a whole second later. My cheek throbbed as I collapsed onto the ground. I pressed my hand to the tender skin where I now had a bruise. When I pulled my hand away, there was a small drop of blood smeared on my finger.

            He hit me, I realized. I bit back the urge to moan, to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me.

            The silence could have cut metal. I lifted my head a little and saw Mom's face-a look of absolute horror. In the reflection of the mirror across the room, I saw Matt and Jake, still standing in the doorway. Finally, I looked up at Dad. He was gasping and almost looked scared. He looked down at his hand. "Nate, I-" The hand reached toward me.

            I leaped back, trying to get as far away from that hand as I could. Strong hands helped me up-Matt. Dad was still staring at me, mouth open and trying to form sounds. His face was twisted into a grimace, as if he was sorry he hit me.

            "Don't touch me," I hissed.

            Before I could hurdle toward him and rip him into pieces, Matt and Jake dragged me out of the room, up the stairs, and to the game room, where I collapsed onto a bean bag chair and sobbed.

Description
Love At First Text - Chapter 30

The next day, we went to Subway.

            I wished I'd made an excuse not to go. I wished I had said I was busy or something-I didn't want to talk to her. At least, not about yesterday. But by the time I'd thought up a reasonably believable excuse, I was already in Alicia's car being driven to Subway because it was way too cold outside to walk that long distance.

            And of course, once we got settled and had our sodas, she went right into it.

            "Nate, your essay was great and you should quit the crap about it being horrible."

            What she said shouldn't have caught me by surprise, but it did. I thought she'd work her way up to it-apparently not.

            I struggled to say something. Only unintelligible stammers came out.

            "Sorry-let me rephrase that. Your essay is great and you should quit the crap about it being horrible."

            Still surprised by what she said, I said, "O-okay…"

            She gave me a smile. "Just wanted to put that out there."

            I nodded. "Right."

            Silence.

            She was waiting for me to say something.

            I sighed. This was what I had wanted. Might as well get it over with.

            "Okay," I laughed nervously, not sure how to say it. "Um…do you remember back when we first texted each other?"

            For a moment, she was silent. Then she nodded. "Yeah. Of course I do."

            I stared at her as I continued. "Do you remember what you asked me? Well, I-I mean you asked me a lot of things, but one thing in particular you asked me?" I could feel my face turning red. God, why did I expect her to remember something that happened so long ago? She probably forgot about it instantly.

            She looked up at me, a smile on her face, making me feel even more humiliated. "Like what?" She laughed a little as she said it.

            I turned my head away so I wasn't looking at her. Instead I stared out the window at the cars passing on the road outside. "Well…you asked me what I like to do, like, in my free time. I told you some stuff, you said you like to draw…" I paused, and something in my head clicked. I looked over at her. "You like to draw," I repeated.

            Looking away, her hands tensing slightly around her Sprite bottle, she said a little bitterly, "So what?"

            "Nothing," I said quickly, hoping I hadn't offended her. "Just you're really good at it." I paused, waiting for her to react.

            Her expression softened, and I knew I'd hit a tender spot. She shrugged, still not meeting my gaze.

            "And you enjoy doing it, yet you're embarrassed to admit it."

            She looked at me then. I thought she was going to protest, but she didn't. "I know." She sighed. "Drawing just isn't something people do a lot. I don't like telling people about it because I'm afraid they'll judge me or something-think I'm weird or whatever. I especially hate it when people give my work attention." Looking down at her bottle, she continued. "When we texted each other that first time, I told you about it, like, immediately. I'd hoped that if you knew that and refused to talk to me, I'd give you that opportunity early on." She paused, then looked up at me. "But you didn't. You understood where I was coming from. I mean, you knew exactly how I feel. I feel embarrassed about drawing…"

            "And I feel embarrassed about writing," I finished for her. She nodded. We gazed into each others' eyes, and I forgot how to move-how to breathe. Time stopped as we realized that huge similarity between us. That we understood exactly how the other felt. That we were both reluctant to admit our hobbies to other people. No, not hobbies-talents. Talents and dreams. The thunder and lightning of our skies.

            I don't know if it was with the help of my essay or not, but somehow she found out without me having to say anything. At that moment, the Feeling was incredibly strong. So strong I had no doubt that I was meant to be here, with her. That we would help each other achieve our dreams.

            I felt my own words turn back on me-what was it I had said about thunder? "Then comes the thunder: the sudden realization of the reason to be alive." The Feeling…Sofia…my thunder.

            At that moment, if we hadn't been in a public restaurant with windows and people surrounding us, the fact that Sofia only wanted to be friends, and that there was a table between us, I probably would have kissed her.

Alicia eventually came back to pick us up. She had to stop in the Square before she took me home, and she said she might be a while. So Sofia and I went outside to walk around. We stopped by Sips to grab cappuccinos.

            It was cold out, but better than it had been the previous week-only about thirty-two degrees. It was snowing, and the flakes floated down gracefully. It was already getting dark, and the flakes stood out against the blackening sky.

            I looked around. This was the place where I had first seen Sofia at the Dan Emmett Festival. I spotted the exact bench she'd been sitting on and slowed to a stop.

            I glanced at Sofia, who had also stopped, and saw she was staring at it, too. "It seems so long ago, doesn't it?" she asked in a soft voice. Her eyes shifted up to me.

            I nodded. "Yeah." After a few moments, we continued to walk.

            The wind blew by us, stirring up the snow around us. I glanced at Sofia again and almost tripped over my own feet.

            The wind had lifted her hair up like it always did, and the snow swirled around her entire body. Some of it stuck in her hair or on her coat, but the rest spun around, enclosing her in a moving bubble of snowflakes. It was a captivating sight that belonged in a movie.

            She looked over at me and caught me staring. "What?" she asked.

            I realized my jaw was hanging open and quickly closed it. "Nothing."

            She held our gaze for a few moments, then looked away. The wind ceased, and we continued our slow walk, the snow falling slowly around us.

            "So, what exactly is your dream?" I asked Sofia randomly. I hoped I didn't sound too stupid. "I mean, with drawing."

            She sighed, and her breath appeared as a cloud in the air. "Well…it seems kinda weird and simple but…I want to make drawings for, like, published stuff. Like books or something." She took a sip of her capp.

            "You mean, like, picture books?"

            "No. Those pictures would be too weird for me," she laughed. "I want to do, like, covers for books. I mean, the cover is the second thing you notice on a book; the first is the title. Or it could be the other way around, but, whatever. Anyways, the cover is important so people want to read it. And I've always felt the cover has to…express the book visually, giving it deeper meaning than you just glimpse from the title."

            I nodded, realizing how much thought she put into this. "Yeah, I know what you mean. That's cool, though. And really ironic. I mean, I want to write books and you want to make covers for books." I smiled.

            She smiled, too. I was getting better at not fainting on the spot whenever she did, but I didn't think I'd ever get used to it. "You're right, that is ironic. I wonder what other kind of stuff is ironic between us?" she said thoughtfully.

            Maybe you're beautiful and I'm not? I didn't say it out loud.

            "I dunno," I said instead. I thought for a sec. "When's your birthday?"

            "Um…it's in seven days exactly."

            I froze mid-step.

            She looked back at me. "What's wrong?"

            "Are you freaking serious?"

            "About what?" She breathed a laugh.

            "You're birthday is January fourteenth?"

            She frowned, confused. "Yeah….why, when's your birthday?"

            "January fourteenth."

            Her jaw dropped. "Are you serious?"

            "Yes."

            She started laughing, which took me by surprise. "Dude, that is so cool! Who knew? Wow, so we have to do this, like, double party thing-like, totally!"

            She was excited about us having the same birthday? My heartbeat quickened and my stomach tingled from seeing her look so happy.

            "How 'bout it?"

            "Having a double party?"

            "Yeah!" Her excitement was impossible to say no to.

            I smiled. "Um…I don't know." I wasn't used to celebrating my birthdays with a party. Maybe a few presents-maybe-and some cake brought home from Kroger, but that was about it for a party.

            "It doesn't have to be that big," Sofia said, seeing my lack of excitement. "We could just get together with Dean and Allie or something." She paused. "I'll see what we can do."

            I nodded, completely willing to let her plan it out. "Sounds good," I said, gazing at her. She looked so happy and excited. If I didn't know better, I'd think an angel had descended from heaven.

            She giggled, and the sound was musical. "Awesome," she said as we started walking again. She looked about ready to burst; she was already practically jumping up and down. "Wow, I'm really excited," she laughed.

            I laughed, too. "I know, I can tell." Seeing her happy warmed me more than any amount of coffee could.

            She looked over at me, and we suddenly stopped walking. I felt something pass between us. I didn't know what it was. Suddenly, I felt an overwhelming want to throw her against one of the glass windows and crush my mouth to hers. (Two kiss desires in one day-jeez.) But I struggled to restrain myself as I told myself, She only wants to be friends. I can't do anything that would make her uncomfortable. For an instant, I just stood there on the edge of my feet, ready to either back away or step forward, wondering if she still wanted that rule to be obeyed, or if I could bend it slightly-lean toward her, close my eyes…

            I quickly looked away, not wanting to be tempted. It was getting harder. I wondered how long she expected me to follow this rule and keep my desires at bay.

            "Are you okay?" Sofia asked me, sounding concerned. "You look like you're in pain."

            Surprised, I looked up at her again. I looked like I was in pain? Not good. "I do?" She nodded. "I'm fine," I quickly said, my voice shaking a little.

            "You sure? We can go inside if you want…"

            "No, no. Let's just keep walking." It would help my situation if we just kept moving.

            We continued to walk, but I think it was even slower than before. We came to the corner of the block and turned around to walk back.

            "I wonder if Alicia's done yet," said Sofia, breaking the silence between us.

            I shrugged. "Dunno." I didn't want our time together to be over yet.

            "Maybe I should call her…"

            "Okay."

            Sofia called her, and said that she wouldn't be ready for another fifteen minutes or so.

            "What is she doing?" I asked. We'd already been out there about ten minutes.

            "I don't know," Sofia replied. Then she laughed. "She's probably buying me something for my birthday."

            I nodded. That made sense. I thought back to the quadruple date, when the girls were looking at jewelry. They had been there, like, half an hour and hadn't even gotten bored. Us guys had gone to where the Xbox games were because they had taken so long. Rushed, Alicia might take an hour.

            That meant more time with Sofia…

            "So, is Alicia your only sibling?" I asked Sofia, in need of something to say. I still didn't know a lot about her, even though I'd known her for…five months-unless you count when we first texted, then that would be eight months…

            "Yeah," she answered. "But my mom's expecting, so there'll be another one soon," she added with a smile.

            I nodded. I'd already figured that. "When's the baby supposed to be born?"

            "Um, I think April. Mom is so excited. She's freaking out because she's afraid she won't have a good name by the time he's born."

            "It's a boy?"

            "Actually, we don't know. My mom likes surprises-she'd throw a fit if one of the nurses told her if it was a boy or girl," she laughed.

            I did, too. "Wow. But you'd think it would make coming up with a name easier, right?"

            "Yeah, that's what I think. I tried to tell her that but she was just like, 'No, that'll ruin the surprise!' and I'm like, 'Okay, Mom, whatever.'" We laughed again.

            "So, what about you? Are Matt and Jake your only brothers?" she asked me.

            "Yeah," I said.

            "You guys seem to get along well," she commented.

            I shrugged. "Yeah, we do. I mean, we're used to each others' company, and we've kinda had to depend on each other."

            Sofia frowned a little. "What do you mean?"

            I suddenly realized maybe I didn't want to say that. But I'd already said it. And now I had to tell her. "Uh, well…for my whole life my parents haven't been that close. And they were usually busy. At least my dad always was, so I'm not really that close to him. But, I don't know, my brothers and I just always hang out, and we've just gotten really close." I wasn't sure how else to say it.

            But she nodded-whether she really understood or not, I wasn't sure. "So why aren't your parents very close?" Then, when I just opened my mouth to speak, she quickly said, "But you don't have to say. I mean, if it's too personal or whatever and would rather not tell me, I understand."

            "No, it's fine," I told her. "But, um…something happened a while ago and my dad still hasn't gotten over it."

            "What happened?" she asked in a soft voice.

            I looked over at her, and I suddenly realized we'd stopped walking. Or probably more I had stopped walking and she stopped because I stopped. As I looked into her beautiful eyes, I saw concern. I knew she lived differently than I did. Her family, I knew, was very close-they went on trips together, they all enjoyed one another's company, everything a great family does. My family was different-our relationship was more difficult, and we struggled to stay together. We were lucky my parents hadn't divorced yet.

            "My dad's twin sister died," I said quietly, remembering when Mom first told me all this-how sad she had been. At that moment, I had grown closer to my dad without him even realizing it. I understood why my mom was still with him-he needed her, and she loved him. She hated seeing him in pain.

            Sofia was silent for a moment, then she said, "I'm so sorry."

            "You don't have to be," I replied. "It's not your fault."

            "Well, I'm still sorry," she said, taking a step toward me. Our bodies were now only centimeters apart. "It must have been hard for your dad to accept, since he's still hasn't gotten over it." She paused, then said, "And it must be hard for you."

            I didn't say anything. I didn't know if she expected me to or not. But I didn't really need to. The situation was sort of self-explanatory.

            We stood there for a few more moments. It had stopped snowing. When I glanced at Sofia, I noticed that there were still little snowflakes on her eyelashes. They made her eyes stand out, making them even more beautiful than they already were-if possible.

            She suddenly let out a very long sigh, and I asked, "What?"

            "It's just…I don't know what that's like. Compared to you, my life is so simple…so easy…" Her voice drifted off. "I've never even dealt with loss. I don't think I'm a very strong person. Not emotionally, anyway. I get upset easily and I'm not very good at holding back emotions. I don't have a lot of self-confidence." These words seemed so out of place coming from her. How could she think so low of herself?

            She looked over at me and gave me a sad smile. "Compared to you, I feel like just a kid. You're so mature. You know things and have experienced things that I can only imagine. You don't seem aware of it, but…" She paused stepping closer. "You're really strong. I admire you for that."

            I didn't know what to say. She thought herself lesser than me? She admired me?

            Then, not even giving my mind enough time to catch up with my ears, she stepped into my arms and leaned her head against my chest.

            This moment was so perfect; I didn't want it to end. I hadn't realized it then, but at that moment, we were closer than ever. We'd opened up to each other about our insecurities-things we kept to ourselves.

            As we stood there, I wrapped my arms around her and held her close, relishing the warmth of her body. The gesture seemed so natural I forgot that Sofia only wanted to be friends. I had to remind myself that this was my limit. The love I felt for her wrapped around me and consumed me, and I closed my eyes as we breathed in unison, our hearts beating as one.

When we met Alicia at her car, my arm had stayed wrapped around Sofia's shoulders. As we drove to my house, I kept my arm around Sofia. She didn't seem to mind, and I took advantage of the moment. I hoped she was changing her mind, and eventually the Only Friend rule would be gone.  But I didn't know if she would ever bring it up, and it would be awkward for me to bring it up.

            Eventually, we made it to my house, and I regretfully left the car-and Sofia-behind. Once I was in my room, my fingers itched to take out my phone and text her: omg i love u plz say u do 2.

            This was getting ridiculous.

            I jumped as someone knocked on my door.

            "Yeah?" I called.

            Matt opened the door. "You just get home?"

            "Yeah…why?"

            "You better come here."

            I followed Matt cautiously. He led me downstairs and to Mom and Dad's bedroom-also known as Dad's work room/isolation room. Jake was already there, listening at the door.

            "What's wrong?" I hissed at him. He only glanced at me, then returned his attention to the closed door.

            "What is it?" I asked Matt, who leaned toward the door, too.

            Matt pointed at the door. "Listen," he whispered.

            I leaned toward the door, straining my ears to hear what was going on.

            But it wasn't hard to hear.

            Mom and Dad. They were fighting-again.

            I didn't want to listen. I was sick of this. They were supposed to love each other. They were supposed to take care of us and make sure nothing bad happened to us. I was supposed to depend on them.

            Without realizing what I was doing, I felt myself move forward, shove the door open, and step into the room. I opened the door so forcefully it slammed against the wall with a bang, and Mom and Dad looked over at the sound. Dad was standing over Mom, who was on the floor, his hand poised to hit her. When I saw this, the fury I held inside me exploded. Adrenaline coursed through my veins with the speed of a bullet, and I walked right up to Dad.

            "Nate!" I felt a hand brush my shoulder, trying to hold me back, but I was too fast. I couldn't even recognize who had spoken-Matt or Jake-I was so angry.

            Dad's eyes were wide with surprise and fury.

            "Nate, you need to leave." Dad's steel voice sent another explosion through me. Did he think he could command me like that?

            "What the hell is wrong with you?" I demanded. My body was shaking, and I tightened my hands into fists to try to hide it. "How can you treat her like this? Your own wife! You know she could walk out on you any time, but instead she stays with you because she hopes you'll change!"

            "NATHAN, DON'T TALK TO ME LIKE THAT!" I fought the urge to cringe away from him. "YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!"

            "You're wrong-I know everything! I know that the reason you're so angry all the time is because you're too weak to face the facts!" I wasn't sure if I was going too far, but I didn't really care. He needed to understand the kind of pain he put us through. "She's gone! She's been gone. You're so selfish-you don't even consider what your family is going through. You don't even think that maybe we're suffering just as much as you do. It's because you just don't care!"

            SMACK!

            The sound seemed to echo through the house. It happened so fast I didn't feel the pain until a whole second later. My cheek throbbed as I collapsed onto the ground. I pressed my hand to the tender skin where I now had a bruise. When I pulled my hand away, there was a small drop of blood smeared on my finger.

            He hit me, I realized. I bit back the urge to moan, to give him the satisfaction of knowing that he hurt me.

            The silence could have cut metal. I lifted my head a little and saw Mom's face-a look of absolute horror. In the reflection of the mirror across the room, I saw Matt and Jake, still standing in the doorway. Finally, I looked up at Dad. He was gasping and almost looked scared. He looked down at his hand. "Nate, I-" The hand reached toward me.

            I leaped back, trying to get as far away from that hand as I could. Strong hands helped me up-Matt. Dad was still staring at me, mouth open and trying to form sounds. His face was twisted into a grimace, as if he was sorry he hit me.

            "Don't touch me," I hissed.

            Before I could hurdle toward him and rip him into pieces, Matt and Jake dragged me out of the room, up the stairs, and to the game room, where I collapsed onto a bean bag chair and sobbed.