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Love At First Text - Chapter 34

The radio was on. I think Mom wanted to distract herself and that's why she had it on. None of us spoke. For me, the sound of the wheels on the road was the loudest. I couldn't drown out that sound. It made me realize the reality of the situation, and that it was actually happening.

            We drove for a few minutes, and I wondered if Mom knew where she was going. I didn't dare ask. If any of us wanted to ask, Matt would do it. That was how it worked; Matt took his job as the oldest seriously, thinking it was his responsibility to be the first to do things. So, because of that, he would ask Mom whenever he thought it best.

            I waited. As I waited, I stared out the window, watching the houses of our neighborhood zoom by. I could hardly believe this was happening. It didn't seem possible.

            But it was happening. There wasn't anything I could do about it-or Matt or Jake. This was Mom's decision.

            Then, Matt asked in a voice so soft I could barely hear it above the radio, "Where are we going, Mom?"

            It took Mom a while to answer. Her hands were white on the steering wheel-from squeezing it too hard-and she kept her eyes on the road. I wondered if she had even thought of anywhere to go. If she had just left on an impulse and not thought it through.

            "We're going to a hotel," she finally answered. "We'll stay there until I figure out what to do next."

            We said nothing more after that.

            We arrived at Holiday Inn, one of the few hotels in town, and brought in all of our luggage as Mom got a room for us. We went up to the third floor and went to room 311. The hotel was strangely silent-though I didn't know what I expected. Hotels usually were silent. Maybe I had had a little too much silence tonight.

            Mom let us have the beds-she said she probably wouldn't sleep tonight, anyways. While she was in the bathroom, Matt told us to squeeze into one bed. It was hard, and we barely fit, but it somehow worked. I fell asleep before I could see Mom's reaction.

            The next morning, we had to go to school. Matt had to wake me up-apparently the night before had exhausted me more than I realized.

            We had only one car now, so Mom had to take all three of us to school. She told us she would stay in town all day. She probably didn't want to spend all day in the empty hotel room.

            School was terrible. I couldn't concentrate, and this time it was because of something completely different from Sofia. Mom and Dad's fight was huge, even compared to my Sofia problem. When I walked her to her classes, I didn't speak to her at all. I could tell she was worried and wondered what was wrong, but she never asked anything. I don't know if that was better or if I should have told her everything that had happened.

            Lunch was worse. I tried to be involved in conversations, but it was hard. I didn't want to laugh. I didn't want to be at school. I didn't want my parents to be separated. I didn't want to have to live in a hotel for who knows how long. But there was nothing I could do about it.

            Suddenly, I felt a fist on my arm, pushing me lightly, and people burst out laughing. I looked up, dazed, wondering what was so funny. Were they laughing at me?

            When they saw my face, everyone immediately shut up.

            "Nate, are you okay?" asked a voice beside me. I looked over and saw Sofia-she had been sitting right next to me and I hadn't even noticed.

            I stared into her worried green eyes. So beautiful. She probably didn't have as many problems in her life as I did.

            Sighing, I looked away from her to my untouched tray of food. "No," I said. My voice sounded so weird-so dull and dead-that I hardly recognized it as my own.

            "What happened?" Dean asked, his voice tense. Everyone's eyes were on me, waiting for my answer.

            I looked at all of them, all so worried. I must have looked like shit for them to be worrying like this.

            I swallowed, wondering if I would be able to get the words out. "Mom and Dad had a fight last night."

            They were silent for a moment, then Lee asked, "Was it worse than their other fights?"

            In my mind's eye I could see Mom slamming her luggage closed and storming out of the house. "Yeah," I said, my voice sounding husky. "Mom left."

            I could hear some of them gasp-Sofia one of them.

            "She took us with her," I whispered.

            "Where are you staying?" asked Dean. "Do you need to stay with us for a while?"

            "We're staying at a hotel," I said, hardly believing it was actually true. I felt so disconnected from reality. "It's temporary until Mom figures out what to do."

            We were silent again. The loud noise of the cafeteria surrounded us, but it was like we were in a bubble-I could hardly hear any of it.

            "Are your parents getting a divorce?" Max asked. I knew everyone was wondering the same thing.

            I took a deep breath and slowly let it out before I answered. "Not yet. But I'm sure they're not far off."

Mom was waiting for us right after school let out, so I didn't have time to talk to anyone before I left-which was probably better. After lunch, I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

            We rode to the hotel in silence, the radio on again. Everytime We Touch was playing. Any other time, I would have laughed out loud. Now, I didn't have the energy to laugh. One corner of my mouth just lifted up-that was all I could manage. This whole separation thing was really lowering my spirits.

            Eventually, we moved out of the hotel after staying for three days and moved in with Mom's friend, Jen, who used to have kids but since they were away at college, so we could use their bedrooms. No one talked about it anymore at school. I managed to fake smiles and laughs during school, just for my friends' sakes. I tried to hide the depressed side of myself.

            Why was I so upset? It wasn't like I was emotionally close to my dad or anything. So why did I feel so weird?

            Maybe it was the fact that our family seemed to be falling apart.

My parents have been fighting all my life. I remember that when I was younger, I thought all parents did, since that was what I was used to. Then, when I went over to Dean's house one time in kindergarten, his parents were really nice to each other, and they talked to each other and laughed together-the complete opposite of what my parents did. I had asked him if his parents ever fought and he had answered, "Well, sometimes, but it's usually about where we're gonna eat for supper." My parents' arguments were way more than that.

It had never occurred to me, in all the years my parents have fought-which is all my life, I guess-I had never thought it would get so bad that they would leave each other. But they did. And Mom was planning on getting a divorce.

She didn't get us into the whole process thing, which I was glad. I didn't want to be involved with separating my parents. I think my mom understood and that was why she didn't force us.

I didn't know how quickly the whole divorce thing would go, but I hoped it would take a long time. I didn't even know how persistent Mom was about it. I was pretty sure she was putting it off. One day, as she was looking over papers about the divorce, I saw that she was crying. It killed me knowing how much pain this was putting her through.

I grew so stressed about it all I tried to numb the pain. I "borrowed" Matt's driver's license and stopped by a gas station to buy a pack of Camels and a lighter. When Matt realized his license was missing and I had used it to buy cigarettes, he totally flipped out on me. I didn't blame him. He threw at me a whole bunch of facts about how harmful cigarettes were and how I should be ashamed of myself for even considering trying to smoke. I knew he only yelled at me because he was protecting me, and for that I was extremely grateful.

The weather was getting warmer, which was a surprise since it was only February. Instead of twenty it was fifty, and there was barely any snow on the ground. People were putting away their winter coats and bringing out their hoodies.

Almost three weeks had passed since my parents fight when Sofia came to me with an offer.

"Would you want to come over to my house tonight?"

I looked away from my locker to her, startled. "T-tonight?" I could've sworn my voice cracked. It was a Friday. The weekend was upon us. Did she maybe…want me to…spend the night? I panicked at the idea.

"Yeah," she answered, and I started freaking out because I thought she had maybe somehow read my mind and was saying yes to me spending the night. But then she said, "You wouldn't have to stay the night or anything, but, just as a get-together thing."

I was too stunned (and slightly disappointed) to reply.

"You could come over for dinner if you want to," she continued. She was stuttering a little, and I knew she was embarrassed. I fought against a smile at her adorable innocence. "I-I mean, I don't want to f-force you or anything, b-but, um…"

Without thinking, I put my finger to her mouth to stop her. Her eyes flashed up to mine, and I tried to keep a composed face when I saw their sparkling puppy-dog look.

"Shh," I told her. For a second, I wasn't sure what to do next. Then, before I could consider what I was doing, I let instinct take over. My finger drifted from her mouth to her cheek, brushing it ever so slightly. Her skin was so soft. I lost my train of thought. It would have been a perfect moment. So simple. I could have just slid my hand to her neck, drawn her closer, bent down, closed my eyes…

My hand darted back as if I'd touched the surface of a furnace. No-I couldn't. Dammit. Why had I let myself go so far?

I quickly turned back to my locker, using the door to hide my face. I hoped she couldn't tell how faint I suddenly felt. How sweaty my hands had suddenly become. How close I had come to kissing her and destroying my carefully constructed barrier…

I swallowed, struggling to calm down. Trying to distract myself, I started putting books into my backpack-Geometry, Health, World Studies. Random books I didn't really need. My bag suddenly slipped from my hand, and it fell to the ground, my books flying everywhere. I quickly bent down and reached for the closest one-and our hands touched.

My head snapped up, and I met her eyes instantly. Our faces were inches apart. Panic shot through me as all the possible things that could happen flashed through my mind. Her glowing eyes were smothering me with their gaze. Electricity flowed through my hand where she had touched me. Energy filled the space between us. I didn't want to move.

With great effort, I looked down at the book we had both moved to pick up. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sofia look down, too. Without even realizing it, I had pulled my hand away, and it was now resting on my knee. Her hand was still in the air, poised above the book. I stared at its delicate beauty-imagining what would happen if I slipped it into mine and refused to let go.

This was getting insane.

I quickly gathered my books and stuffed them back into my backpack and stood up, trying to pull myself together. She slowly rose as I slammed my locker closed and shouldered my backpack. Taking a deep breath, I turned to face her.

"When would you like me to come over?" I asked.

She looked up, and I could see the surprise on her flawless face. Almost immediately she looked down again. "Um, I don't know, maybe-uh-six thirty?"

"Okay." I nodded, and she seemed to relax a little. I offered her a smile. "I'll tell my mom, but I'm sure she won't mind."

She smiled, too, and I almost fell against my locker from the sheer beauty of it. "Great. So, I'll see you then." She gave me a little wave-with the same hand she had touched me with-and walked off. I stared after her.

"See you," I murmured, wondering and feeling so many things at once…

Was it possible to love someone so much?

Was it possible for someone as beautiful as Sofia to fall in love with someone like me?

Did she love me?

Did she know that I loved her?

Would she ever know?

Description
Love At First Text - Chapter 34

The radio was on. I think Mom wanted to distract herself and that's why she had it on. None of us spoke. For me, the sound of the wheels on the road was the loudest. I couldn't drown out that sound. It made me realize the reality of the situation, and that it was actually happening.

            We drove for a few minutes, and I wondered if Mom knew where she was going. I didn't dare ask. If any of us wanted to ask, Matt would do it. That was how it worked; Matt took his job as the oldest seriously, thinking it was his responsibility to be the first to do things. So, because of that, he would ask Mom whenever he thought it best.

            I waited. As I waited, I stared out the window, watching the houses of our neighborhood zoom by. I could hardly believe this was happening. It didn't seem possible.

            But it was happening. There wasn't anything I could do about it-or Matt or Jake. This was Mom's decision.

            Then, Matt asked in a voice so soft I could barely hear it above the radio, "Where are we going, Mom?"

            It took Mom a while to answer. Her hands were white on the steering wheel-from squeezing it too hard-and she kept her eyes on the road. I wondered if she had even thought of anywhere to go. If she had just left on an impulse and not thought it through.

            "We're going to a hotel," she finally answered. "We'll stay there until I figure out what to do next."

            We said nothing more after that.

            We arrived at Holiday Inn, one of the few hotels in town, and brought in all of our luggage as Mom got a room for us. We went up to the third floor and went to room 311. The hotel was strangely silent-though I didn't know what I expected. Hotels usually were silent. Maybe I had had a little too much silence tonight.

            Mom let us have the beds-she said she probably wouldn't sleep tonight, anyways. While she was in the bathroom, Matt told us to squeeze into one bed. It was hard, and we barely fit, but it somehow worked. I fell asleep before I could see Mom's reaction.

            The next morning, we had to go to school. Matt had to wake me up-apparently the night before had exhausted me more than I realized.

            We had only one car now, so Mom had to take all three of us to school. She told us she would stay in town all day. She probably didn't want to spend all day in the empty hotel room.

            School was terrible. I couldn't concentrate, and this time it was because of something completely different from Sofia. Mom and Dad's fight was huge, even compared to my Sofia problem. When I walked her to her classes, I didn't speak to her at all. I could tell she was worried and wondered what was wrong, but she never asked anything. I don't know if that was better or if I should have told her everything that had happened.

            Lunch was worse. I tried to be involved in conversations, but it was hard. I didn't want to laugh. I didn't want to be at school. I didn't want my parents to be separated. I didn't want to have to live in a hotel for who knows how long. But there was nothing I could do about it.

            Suddenly, I felt a fist on my arm, pushing me lightly, and people burst out laughing. I looked up, dazed, wondering what was so funny. Were they laughing at me?

            When they saw my face, everyone immediately shut up.

            "Nate, are you okay?" asked a voice beside me. I looked over and saw Sofia-she had been sitting right next to me and I hadn't even noticed.

            I stared into her worried green eyes. So beautiful. She probably didn't have as many problems in her life as I did.

            Sighing, I looked away from her to my untouched tray of food. "No," I said. My voice sounded so weird-so dull and dead-that I hardly recognized it as my own.

            "What happened?" Dean asked, his voice tense. Everyone's eyes were on me, waiting for my answer.

            I looked at all of them, all so worried. I must have looked like shit for them to be worrying like this.

            I swallowed, wondering if I would be able to get the words out. "Mom and Dad had a fight last night."

            They were silent for a moment, then Lee asked, "Was it worse than their other fights?"

            In my mind's eye I could see Mom slamming her luggage closed and storming out of the house. "Yeah," I said, my voice sounding husky. "Mom left."

            I could hear some of them gasp-Sofia one of them.

            "She took us with her," I whispered.

            "Where are you staying?" asked Dean. "Do you need to stay with us for a while?"

            "We're staying at a hotel," I said, hardly believing it was actually true. I felt so disconnected from reality. "It's temporary until Mom figures out what to do."

            We were silent again. The loud noise of the cafeteria surrounded us, but it was like we were in a bubble-I could hardly hear any of it.

            "Are your parents getting a divorce?" Max asked. I knew everyone was wondering the same thing.

            I took a deep breath and slowly let it out before I answered. "Not yet. But I'm sure they're not far off."

Mom was waiting for us right after school let out, so I didn't have time to talk to anyone before I left-which was probably better. After lunch, I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

            We rode to the hotel in silence, the radio on again. Everytime We Touch was playing. Any other time, I would have laughed out loud. Now, I didn't have the energy to laugh. One corner of my mouth just lifted up-that was all I could manage. This whole separation thing was really lowering my spirits.

            Eventually, we moved out of the hotel after staying for three days and moved in with Mom's friend, Jen, who used to have kids but since they were away at college, so we could use their bedrooms. No one talked about it anymore at school. I managed to fake smiles and laughs during school, just for my friends' sakes. I tried to hide the depressed side of myself.

            Why was I so upset? It wasn't like I was emotionally close to my dad or anything. So why did I feel so weird?

            Maybe it was the fact that our family seemed to be falling apart.

My parents have been fighting all my life. I remember that when I was younger, I thought all parents did, since that was what I was used to. Then, when I went over to Dean's house one time in kindergarten, his parents were really nice to each other, and they talked to each other and laughed together-the complete opposite of what my parents did. I had asked him if his parents ever fought and he had answered, "Well, sometimes, but it's usually about where we're gonna eat for supper." My parents' arguments were way more than that.

It had never occurred to me, in all the years my parents have fought-which is all my life, I guess-I had never thought it would get so bad that they would leave each other. But they did. And Mom was planning on getting a divorce.

She didn't get us into the whole process thing, which I was glad. I didn't want to be involved with separating my parents. I think my mom understood and that was why she didn't force us.

I didn't know how quickly the whole divorce thing would go, but I hoped it would take a long time. I didn't even know how persistent Mom was about it. I was pretty sure she was putting it off. One day, as she was looking over papers about the divorce, I saw that she was crying. It killed me knowing how much pain this was putting her through.

I grew so stressed about it all I tried to numb the pain. I "borrowed" Matt's driver's license and stopped by a gas station to buy a pack of Camels and a lighter. When Matt realized his license was missing and I had used it to buy cigarettes, he totally flipped out on me. I didn't blame him. He threw at me a whole bunch of facts about how harmful cigarettes were and how I should be ashamed of myself for even considering trying to smoke. I knew he only yelled at me because he was protecting me, and for that I was extremely grateful.

The weather was getting warmer, which was a surprise since it was only February. Instead of twenty it was fifty, and there was barely any snow on the ground. People were putting away their winter coats and bringing out their hoodies.

Almost three weeks had passed since my parents fight when Sofia came to me with an offer.

"Would you want to come over to my house tonight?"

I looked away from my locker to her, startled. "T-tonight?" I could've sworn my voice cracked. It was a Friday. The weekend was upon us. Did she maybe…want me to…spend the night? I panicked at the idea.

"Yeah," she answered, and I started freaking out because I thought she had maybe somehow read my mind and was saying yes to me spending the night. But then she said, "You wouldn't have to stay the night or anything, but, just as a get-together thing."

I was too stunned (and slightly disappointed) to reply.

"You could come over for dinner if you want to," she continued. She was stuttering a little, and I knew she was embarrassed. I fought against a smile at her adorable innocence. "I-I mean, I don't want to f-force you or anything, b-but, um…"

Without thinking, I put my finger to her mouth to stop her. Her eyes flashed up to mine, and I tried to keep a composed face when I saw their sparkling puppy-dog look.

"Shh," I told her. For a second, I wasn't sure what to do next. Then, before I could consider what I was doing, I let instinct take over. My finger drifted from her mouth to her cheek, brushing it ever so slightly. Her skin was so soft. I lost my train of thought. It would have been a perfect moment. So simple. I could have just slid my hand to her neck, drawn her closer, bent down, closed my eyes…

My hand darted back as if I'd touched the surface of a furnace. No-I couldn't. Dammit. Why had I let myself go so far?

I quickly turned back to my locker, using the door to hide my face. I hoped she couldn't tell how faint I suddenly felt. How sweaty my hands had suddenly become. How close I had come to kissing her and destroying my carefully constructed barrier…

I swallowed, struggling to calm down. Trying to distract myself, I started putting books into my backpack-Geometry, Health, World Studies. Random books I didn't really need. My bag suddenly slipped from my hand, and it fell to the ground, my books flying everywhere. I quickly bent down and reached for the closest one-and our hands touched.

My head snapped up, and I met her eyes instantly. Our faces were inches apart. Panic shot through me as all the possible things that could happen flashed through my mind. Her glowing eyes were smothering me with their gaze. Electricity flowed through my hand where she had touched me. Energy filled the space between us. I didn't want to move.

With great effort, I looked down at the book we had both moved to pick up. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Sofia look down, too. Without even realizing it, I had pulled my hand away, and it was now resting on my knee. Her hand was still in the air, poised above the book. I stared at its delicate beauty-imagining what would happen if I slipped it into mine and refused to let go.

This was getting insane.

I quickly gathered my books and stuffed them back into my backpack and stood up, trying to pull myself together. She slowly rose as I slammed my locker closed and shouldered my backpack. Taking a deep breath, I turned to face her.

"When would you like me to come over?" I asked.

She looked up, and I could see the surprise on her flawless face. Almost immediately she looked down again. "Um, I don't know, maybe-uh-six thirty?"

"Okay." I nodded, and she seemed to relax a little. I offered her a smile. "I'll tell my mom, but I'm sure she won't mind."

She smiled, too, and I almost fell against my locker from the sheer beauty of it. "Great. So, I'll see you then." She gave me a little wave-with the same hand she had touched me with-and walked off. I stared after her.

"See you," I murmured, wondering and feeling so many things at once…

Was it possible to love someone so much?

Was it possible for someone as beautiful as Sofia to fall in love with someone like me?

Did she love me?

Did she know that I loved her?

Would she ever know?