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Miss-Kaylin — Captivating - Chapter One
by-nc-nd
Published: 2010-12-24 05:45:09 +0000 UTC; Views: 3126; Favourites: 41; Downloads: 12
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"I'll be there in a minute," I laughed, softly pushing Sky into the hotel, my auburn hair blowing in the Earth's soft, warm breeze. I pecked his lips and let go of his hands, retreating backwards to my best friend and maid of honor, Stella."Hey, Stel," I grinned, playing with her golden blonde hair. Brandon kept his arm firmly around his girlfriend's waist.
"Snookums, why don't you go find our room?" Stella sang, obviously in a good mood.
"Alright," he said and half-smiled as his hand slid from her waist. He ran up the cement stairs, catching up with Prince Sky.
I pulled Stella into a tight embrace. "Thank you so much for coming. You have no idea how much it means to me."
Stella returned the hug. "Of course I came, Bloom! Why would I miss my best friend's wedding?"
I pulled away. "Because I'm going to miss yours," I retorted, my expression serious. But I couldn't keep the straight face for long- I burst out laughing, assuring Stella I was completely kidding.
She pushed me playfully and smirked. "Maybe I should fly away while I still have the chance."
"Maybe," I giggled. "So, you and Brandon... Has he engaged yet?"
Stella looked away from me. "No."
"Oh," I said, looking at the ground. "Well, I'm sure he will soon. I mean, you guys are obviously meant for each other!"
Stella's face lit back up. "We are, aren't we? I can see the wedding now- me wearing a dazzling, one-of-a-kind sparkly white Spella McCartney dress, on a sunny beach in Solaria!" Her eyes twinkled.
"And I'll be there as your maid of honor, wearing a red couture dress. Am I right?"
"I was thinking more along the lines of a blue dress." She gave me a wide smile and grabbed my arm. "Now let's go find our boyfriends. You know how they hate waiting!"
I followed her inside, eager to see our hotel rooms.
- - - - – - - - - - - - - - - – - - – - -
"Ready?" Sky's warm voice asked, his cool hands covering my eyelids.
I giggled. "Ready."
He slowly took away the palms of his hands. My eyes were filled with the beauty of the hotel room. I was stunned- all I could muster out was a simple "Wow."
My fingers stroked the lovely curtains, which were sitting in front of the clean glass window that had a stupendous view of the wide blue ocean. The tall deciduous trees were shedding their rough, multicolored leaves, showing the full alluring beauty of Autumn. The elegance and uniqueness of Caserta Island was captivating- which was exactly why it was the perfect place to have my picture-perfect wedding.
I wandered over to the tall, King-sized bed. The blankets were made of high-quality snow-white silk. I ran my hands across them, wanting to caress the smooth, delicate material.
My eyes took in the bright ivory walls, as smooth as the silky blanket. This hotel room was truly designed for a princess and her King.
Sky chuckled. "Like it?"
I walked over to him, kissing him right on the lips. "It's perfect," I whispered.
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Comments: 17
Oh, silly me. I didn't see where you made your comment on.
I like the way that you write, but I don't like the overall flow of how you've written this piece. I feel like you were relying too much on one sense, the sense of touch and when you were describing the hotel room, or describing the characters, I feel like I didn't get a very good sense of what was looking at. For someone who was new, or fuzzy with their memory of the show Winx, they wouldn't completely understand what was going on with the characters, other than their names and a fuzzy description of what they look like. I believe that in fan fiction, you take standing ideas and make it your own as if you were writing the show, and you were writing to a virgin audience to the show, so to speak. Some people, like my boyfriend, like that you just went on with your plot without really going into detail about your characters and surroundings because he believes that you should let your characters describe themselves with their actions and words. I, on the other hand, do not agree with that and that's the only fault I really have for this piece of writing. In point form the things that I would like you to improve on is:
1. Use more than two senses to describe things (we were blessed with 5 senses for a reason! Embrace them!) such as when you looked out the window you the scent of fall overwhelmed you, and brought a whole new feel to the clean, but mundane smell of the hotel room.
2. Describe your characters more, from what I read all I have is a vague description of what the characters look like, and their names. A little bit of Stella's personality came through in this chapter that was very much so accurate, but I felt like the rest of the personalities were lacking and maybe you will make up for it in later chapters.
3. Length. I feel like the length of this piece was much too short, and that there wasn't enough events going on to let it cut off there. If you were watching this on TV, you would think this is a advertisement/commercial for upcoming episode rather than what you were actually going to watch. I also don't like the flow. There has been a couple of times that I've had to stop and think "Huh? What does this mean." which breaks the flow of the writing piece and stops me from totally immersing myself in your writing.
That's about all that I have to say on the matter, other than my complaints I think that this was a good piece of writing, but as with everything in life, there's room for improvement.
I don't know if you want me to give you critique on all of your chapters, but if you do please let me know and I will be more than happy to do so.
Take care. 
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Thank you so much for your honest and in-depth critique! It will really help me to improve.
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Can't wait to see what you come up with in more recent pieces. <3
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Hi! I didn't know if you wanted a critique or simply wanted me to check this out, so that's why I'm asking. 
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Awh, thanks (: I almost forgot about it, but I will definitely write some more soon! (:
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awesome ^^ I can't wait. I write winx fan fictions all the time. And I read some too, but this- this is amazing! I love the details and the persepective of bloom
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Thank you oh so much! I'm really glad you like my writing. It inspires me to write more. (:
Chapter two: [link]
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np and your writing rocks. If you like fan fictions check out my gallery and my friend's --->
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Sure, I'd love to check it out. ^^ Thanks for the watch, by the way!
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i was imaging something beetween my OC Luna and her boyfriend Troy ^^
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